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NRA President Wayne Lapierre Sends Thoughts and Prayers to the Families of Future Victims of America's Next Mass Shooting

Funny story: NRA President Wayne Lapierre Sends Thoughts and Prayers to the Families of Future Victims of America's Next Mass Shooting

NRA President Wayne Lapierre held a press conference in Wiltchester, Texas today sending thoughts and prayers to the unknown family members who will tragically lose somebody to America's raging gun violence problem. "We don't know who they are yet...

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Science Teacher Jeffrey Francis inks 10 year, $200 million deal with the NYC Board of Education

Funny story: Science Teacher Jeffrey Francis inks 10 year, $200 million deal with the NYC Board of Education

According to several sources at the NYC board of education, veteran science teacher Jeffrey Francis, who has taught at M.S. 233 for 12 years, recently inked a massive deal with the NYCBOE to stay on as a teacher. Frederick Gonzales, an HR represe...

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Walton Family Checks into Rehab for Wealth Addiction

Funny story: Walton Family Checks into Rehab for Wealth Addiction

Bentonville, Arkansas -- In a shocking admission that surprised half of the world's population, the surviving members of the Walton family announced earlier this week that they are checking into the Betty Ford Clinic to treat a debilitating wealth ad...

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Majority of Americans Spent Last Week of December Ignoring Family Members on Smartphones

Funny story: Majority of Americans Spent Last Week of December Ignoring Family Members on Smartphones

Anywhere U.S.A.---In an unprecendented scientific study conducted by a idiotic research team at Pace University, it was discovered that 88% of Americans spent the majority of their time off from work during the last week of December ignoring family m...

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Sarah Palin Plans Winter Hibernation With A Pack of Wild Grizzly Bears

Funny story: Sarah Palin Plans Winter Hibernation With A Pack of Wild Grizzly Bears

WASILLA, Alaska --- With the start of 2014 bringing below zero temperatures, Sarah Palin announced this morning that she will protest against America's War on Christmas by hibernating for the winter with a pack of wild grizzly bears. Shortly af...

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Elusive Cronut Smuggler Fred Dietrich Arrested in Columbia

Funny story: Elusive Cronut Smuggler Fred Dietrich Arrested in Columbia

Cartagena, Columbia---Food and Drug Administration task enforcer Phillip Reinhart announced early this morning that his hard working team had finally captured legendary cronut smuggler and New York City native Fred Dietrich after an exhaustive 18-mon...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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