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Governor Moonbeam "Offended" (Again)

SACKRAHMINTO, CALIFORNICATE — The not-so-great state of Californicate banned its residents from traveling to Oklahoma because officials do not approve of the OK State's allegedly discriminatory law against LesbianGayBisexualTransgenderQuestioning (LG...

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Duck Incensed by Mouse's Moody Decision

DIZNEE'Z LAND, CALIFORNICATE—Mickey Mouse has put Diznee'z Land off limits to paying customers. From now on, the mouse decreed, he will allow “guests” to visit only some parks on some days. “Which ones and when depends on my mood,” the rodent explain...

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FAA Investigates Van Crash

MON AMI, FLORIDATED — In an attempt to cut costs, Amerikan Airlines drove a wingless passenger van off a four-story parking garage at Mon Ami International Airport. The fifty-year-old pilot, Mahatma Kane Jeeves, who asked to remain anonymous, sust...

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No News Is Good News

FRESNO, CALIFORNICATE — When officials refused to allow “The Star-Spangled Banner” to be sung at the championship match between the football teams of George Washington High School and Thomas Jefferson Preparatory School, played in Fresno State Univer...

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Critics: "Solo" is no go

Funny story: Critics: "Solo" is no go

HOLLYWEIRD, CALIFORNICATE — Although “Solo Sex: A Star Whores Story” is, by some accounts, “the worst movie ever made,” the news media feel obliged to cover the gooey mess, since Diznee Studios spends a lot of money advertising such fare in newspape...

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Obummer's library faces "challenges"

Funny story: Obummer's library faces "challenges"

WHITEWASHINGTON, DC — The secret design for the Baroque Insane Obummer Unpresidential Libary was approved by the Windy City, officials saying the plans passed the “smell test.” However, the library faces funding challenges. “Nobody wants to pay fo...

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Trudeau to the World's Wretches: No Vacancy!

Beaver Pelt, Canada — Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who recently tried to upstage the Statue of Liberty's invitation to the “teeming masses” of the world's “wretched refuse,” announced, to the world (but particularly to South Americans) that any and...

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No Nudes Is Bad News!

Funny story: No Nudes Is Bad News!

Like nudism itself, nudist colony memberships are in decline around the world. "Not many people want to parade around in front of strangers--or behind them, for that matter," Grumpy Baer whined. Reporters who get laid, uh, paid for publicizing nud...

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Megan Kelly: Too big a star to fail?

Funny story: Megan Kelly: Too big a star to fail?

New Yawk, New Yawk--iN Be Cee, which replaced Brian Williams with Megan Kelly, whom they stole from Faux News, may be headed to court for reporting fake news, a category of journalism "filler" usually reserved for Cee iN iN and Mmm eS iN Be Cee. T...

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PFC Bradley, now "Chelsea," outed from the hoosegow for being "trans"

Funny story: PFC Bradley, now "Chelsea," outed from the hoosegow for being "trans"

Ft. Leavenworth, KS -- As one of his last acts of office, President Baroque Insane Obummer commuted the sentence of Private First Class (PFC) Bradley "Chelsea" Manning, 29, who was serving a 35-year prison sentence for leaking 750,000 classified mili...

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Once-popular Girls' Names Now Bomb with Newborns' Parents

Funny story: Once-popular Girls' Names Now Bomb with Newborns' Parents

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, USA -- After Olympics swimmer Bruce ("The Deuce") Jenner, Breakfast of Champions, announced his new identity as a "woman" named Caitlyn, the name has become more unpopular with parents of newborns than any other girls' nam...

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For pro golfer Bob Twat, being cute and inspirational may have to be enough

Funny story: For pro golfer Bob Twat, being cute and inspirational may have to be enough

DULUTH, GA ---- Bob Twat bogeyed two of the last three holes during his play at Friday's PGA Tour Champions' Mitsubishi Electric Classic. "It's disappointing that I actually hit two nice shots on 7 and 9," he said. "Otherwise, I'd be even further...

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Population unpopular with Targette

Funny story: Population unpopular with Targette

Minneapolis, Minnesota ---- As part of its "population control program," discount retailer Targette, which has already equipped its stores with transgender bathrooms, "because," as the company's CEO, Brian C. "Big Bri" Cornhole, explained to star rep...

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United Airlines CEO vows "never again"

Funny story: United Airlines CEO vows "never again"

THUG CITY, IL ---- Following what he described as a "thorough review" of his flight crew's use of police to drag Kentucky medical doctor David Tao off an "overbooked" flight to prevent him from tending to his patients the next morning (and to replace...

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Mountain Dew: "it'll tickle yore innards"

Funny story: Mountain Dew: "it'll tickle yore innards"

LANSING, MI --- Most of us have drunk a bottle or two of Mountain Dew. As we sipped the frosty green beverage, we probably never worried about it. After 7,200 gallons of the drink's concentrated syrup flooded the internal sewers of a Pepsico bottling...

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Daredevil pilot Harrison Ford lands atop airliner

Funny story: Daredevil pilot Harrison Ford lands atop airliner

LOS ANGELES, CA --- Harrison Ford, 74, isn't much better a pilot than he was an actor. He proved his lack of aviation skills when, in defiance of an air-traffic controller's order to land on John Wayne Airport's Runway "L," he brought his single-engi...

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NBC launches NSFW News

Funny story: NBC launches NSFW News

Rock-and-Roll Center, The Big Apple, Baby ---- Due to a variety of factors, including the Internet and a lack of public trust in the media, television news ratings have plummeted in recent years. "I don't want non their fake news," couch potato Im...

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McDonaldo's freshens its menu (sort of)

Funny story: McDonaldo's freshens its menu (sort of)

ANYTOWN, USA -- At McDonaldo's, if you buy anything other than a 1/4 Pounder, you can go pound sand, as far as the freshness of your order is concerned. "We don't do 'fresh,' when it comes to our hamboogers, cheeseboogers, or Big Macks," CEO Ronaldo...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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