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Plastic Free Markets

Funny story: Plastic Free Markets

A food market in Amsterdam announced a special aisle in its store that will contain exactly zero plastic packaging. The global epidemic of plastic pollution of our oceans and lands has spurred an effort to reduce our use of unnecessary plastic wrappi...

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Business Euphemism of the Year

The new model started with tech companies like Net Flix and LinkedIn. These workplaces attract self-motivated and focused employees who are driven to succeed and who typically work long hours. These employees are also the type who are reluctant to ta...

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John Barron to Speak at Republican National Convention

Funny story: John Barron to Speak at Republican National Convention

Among the list of notables scheduled to speak at this year's RNC in Cleveland is John Barron, a man who is alleged to be actually an alter-ego of Donald Trump himself. "It's his greatest con ever!", exclaimed Jody Miller, thrice-convicted grifter...

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New Jersey Considers

The state of New Jersey has been in a declining economic situation for some time. The gaming industry has fallen on hard times, jobs are still moving overseas, and the effects of storm Sandy are still being felt. Budget cuts are a large factor in...

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California EPA Endorses Beer Pee

Due to the ongoing water crisis in California, CalEPA has taken an unusual step in promoting the recycling of beer pee. They claim that the liquid may be classified as potable if certain conditions are met. They note that by the time three or more...

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Electoral Commission Achieves Perfect Entropy

Entropy is the tendency of all thermodynamic processes to end in a steady state of perfect disorder wherein no useful work can be accomplished. All matter will eventually be evenly dispersed at a temperature of about 4 degrees above absolute zero, bu...

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Political 'Jeopardy!' for Rising Prominent Politicians

Jeopardy! has been around since 1984, with 25 million regular viewers who try their best to shout out their own responses to the clues before the contestants. We marvel at Jeopardy! superstars like Ken Jennings, who held the champion spot for an incr...

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Nobel Peace Prize

Milton Jones, of Mobile, Alabama, has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. The diminutive 72 year-old man has seemingly distilled all the tenets of all the religions of the world to just three words. This is significant when you consider the amo...

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Mario Batali Detained

Funny story: Mario Batali Detained

The famous chef was arrested last week for being a suspected illegal immigrant and was remanded to a federal detention facility in Georgia. Mr. Batali was hosting a celebrity-chef cook-off in a studio at the Food Network when he was forcibly remov...

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Koch Brothers Name 2014 Candidate Selections

Funny story: Koch Brothers Name 2014 Candidate Selections

Was Wednesday's Supreme Court ruling a late April Fool's joke? No! The 5-4 vote further eliminated limits on the amount of money an individual donor can contribute to elections, just as the election season is heating up. Charles and David Koch...

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G.O.P. Looking Ahead, Far Ahead

Elated, but not content with new ballot restrictions imposed in nine swing states since 2013, Republicans are seeking to further reduce Democratic participation in future elections by 'potential' Dems by targeting kids in kindergarten and grade schoo...

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Justice Department Indicts Mortgage Czar

Funny story: Justice Department Indicts Mortgage Czar

In the wake of the 2008 financial crisis stemming from massive mortgage security fraud, the Justice Department, under increasing pressure to hold someone (anyone) accountable, has named Patrick "Patsy" Connelly as a principle target for prosecution.

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Strange Game, Odd Team - Red Team Looking to Fall Playoffs

Funny story: Strange Game, Odd Team - Red Team Looking to Fall Playoffs

Spring is in the air and with it comes a strong whiff of manure being spread on the playing fields. Training commenced at the recent CPAC outing where team owners Charles and David Koch and principal coaches John Boehner and Mitch McConnell evaluate...

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Gummint Sausage Analysis

Some have said that it is never advisable to look too closely at what goes into the making of sausage; that doing so can reduce one's appetite for the product. However, in the interest of public health and safety, a group of investigators has been l...

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China Announces 900 Dash Line

China is becoming increasingly confident in its dealings with the rest of the world, flexing its economic clout and heightened military power. Its controversial Nine-dash line attempts to shoulder the neighboring countries of Vietnam, Malaysia, Taiw...

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Ruling Authority to Re-Institute HUAC, Cites New "Red Scare"

In light of attempts to dismantle the United States government by "red district" congressmen and dangerous outside groups, the R.A. plans to bring back the House Un-American Activities Committee. The earlier Committee, formed to investigate so-cal...

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The American People Speak, Boehner Hears Voices

Steely blue eyes ablaze with conviction, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R - Ohio) expresses the will of the American People. In virtually every speech, the phrase "the American People want" passes his righteous lips with prophetic certainty and...

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Trump to Join GOP Comedy Tour

The comedy trio of Bachman, Gohmert, and King bombed in Cairo. Critics say that they need a fourth member, perhaps with odd red hair, to really wow a difficult audience. Larry, Curly, and Moe could stand on their own as a comedy trio, but they ha...

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Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
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