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Funny story: Mitt Romney's Re-animated Corpse to Run for President in 2048

Mitt Romney's Re-animated Corpse to Run for President in 2048

WASHINGTON, D. C. (DP)-Mitt Romney, who died in 2028 at the age of eighty-one while running for president for the seventh time, is poised to give it another shot, advisors to the cryogenically frozen candidate reported today. Close advisors to...
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Funny story: Budget-Strapped Red States to Use Gladiatorial Fights to Raise Much-needed Funds for Infrastructure Repairs

Budget-Strapped Red States to Use Gladiatorial Fights to Raise Much-needed Funds for Infrastructure Repairs

RED STATE AMERICA--With so many states still strapped for funds after their Republican-led legislatures cut their budgets to the bone, and with gambling casinos and racinos no longer producing enough to make up for the deficit, some Red States are tr...
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Funny story: Nationally Syndicated Life Coach Throws in the Towel

Nationally Syndicated Life Coach Throws in the Towel

PORTLAND, OR-- Vitalia Effervesce, nationally known Life Coach and host of the daily advice show Shine On You, committed suicide Monday by downing a bottle of Xanax washed down with a fifth of Jim Beam. Effervesce, author of the New Age bible Let...
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Funny story: A New Mobile App for the Wives of Husbands with Wandering Eyes

A New Mobile App for the Wives of Husbands with Wandering Eyes

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." KJV Matthew 5:28 Jesus knew it. Wives know it too. A man whose eyes are constantly wandering will often wander, s...
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Funny story: Nine Year Old Bags Her First Human with an Uzi

Nine Year Old Bags Her First Human with an Uzi

LAS VEGAS-Her parents proudly filming her with their cell phone, nine year old Violet Burton bagged her first human on Tuesday with an Uzi submachine gun. The Burtons had gone to Las Vegas to vacation, and their itinerary included hunting humans i...
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Funny story: The Holy Trinity to Go Their Separate Ways

The Holy Trinity to Go Their Separate Ways

HEAVEN--After existing for nearly two millennia as consubstantial roommates, the Holy Trinity--God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit--are splitting up. Theologians thought they had settled the debate of the Holy Trinity more than a...
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Funny story: New DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin

New DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin

ROME--Biblical scholars have long been puzzled by a passage by a man named Baruch, in the apocryphal text of the same name, which reads, "Yeah. I hit on that. She was a nice piece of ass, though a bit of a holy roller for my taste." Although schol...
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Funny story: Ebola Virus Tweets: "Keep Donald Trump Out of Here"

Ebola Virus Tweets: "Keep Donald Trump Out of Here"

MONROVIA, LIBERIA--An Ebola virus today tweeted: "Heard Donald Trump will visit Africa in a few days. Please don't let this form of vermin in. Keep Donald Trump out of here!" The Ebola virus was apparently responding to rumors that Donald Trump...
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Funny story: Senate Passes Deportation Bill to Fast-Track Ted Cruz's Return to Canada

Senate Passes Deportation Bill to Fast-Track Ted Cruz's Return to Canada

WASHINGTON-The Senate, before leaving on its month-long vacation on Thursday, passed a bill in the early morning hours to fast-track the deportation of Ted Cruz back to his native country of Canada. The vote on the Bill, which was, as usual, expe...
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Funny story: The Three Abrahamic Religions to Battle It Out in a Cage Fight

The Three Abrahamic Religions to Battle It Out in a Cage Fight

JERUSALEM--Settling, once and for all, the Old Testament challenge, "Whose God is greater, mine or thine?" the three Abrahamic religions--Judaism, Christianity, and Islam--will meet in a cage fight in Jerusalem next week. Three champions have been c...
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Funny story: Jerry Springer Nearly Dies and Goes to Hell; Rumble Ensues

Jerry Springer Nearly Dies and Goes to Hell; Rumble Ensues

HELL---Longtime tabloid talk show host Jerry Springer was pronounced dead from a gorilla attack on Friday, soon after beginning his Final Thought segment at the end of the show, but was eventually revived by EMTs at the scene. Friday's show, which...
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Funny story: Bridge Collapses, Drowning 22 Tea Party Activists

Bridge Collapses, Drowning 22 Tea Party Activists

HUNTINGTON, WV--The Robert C. Byrd Bridge, a bridge spanning the Ohio River between Chesapeake, OH and Huntington, WV, collapsed on Thursday, killing twenty-two members of the Tea Party Movement. The Tea Party activists were reportedly on their way...
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Funny story: "God's Not Dead; He's Just Incompetent," with Kevin Sorbo, to Hit the Theaters Next Week

"God's Not Dead; He's Just Incompetent," with Kevin Sorbo, to Hit the Theaters Next Week

HOLLYWOOD--The sequel to "God's Not Dead" will hit the theaters next week, and the much-anticipated sequel is, like the first movie, expected to fill theaters with evangelical fervor, only this time from the opposite side of the debate. In "God's...
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Funny story: Tween Phenom the Next Tiger Woods of Competitive Eating?

Tween Phenom the Next Tiger Woods of Competitive Eating?

SPARTA, KY--Kyle Gustibus may not be a household name at this point, but if the young athlete keeps working out with his Munchables and WarmPockets, he may be the next Tiger Woods of competitive eating. The residents of Sparta, Kentucky have been...
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Funny story: In a Stunning Decision, the Supreme Court Declares Adult Swim Unconstitutional

In a Stunning Decision, the Supreme Court Declares Adult Swim Unconstitutional

WASHINGTON, D.C.--In a seven to two decision today, the Supreme Court declared the long-time tradition of adult swim, during which a swimming pool is emptied of anyone under the age of 18 so the adults can swim without interference for ten to fifteen...
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Funny story: J. P. Sartre Warns of "Existential Threat" to the English Language

J. P. Sartre Warns of "Existential Threat" to the English Language

NO EXIT--Angrily tweeting from his otherworldly residence No Exit last Thursday, renowned Existentialist philosopher J. P. Sartre warned of "Idiotic pundits bandying about the phrase 'existential threats' who have never read a word of Kierkegaard, N...
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Funny story: Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence

Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence

KANSAS CITY, MO---The NRA, ever vigilant against liberal, extremist groups who want to take away citizens' right to bear arms, now has an enemy's list. In addition to Wallmark Cards, among its many targets are Britney Spears, the YWCA, AARP, B'nai B...
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Funny story: Rick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)

Rick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)

AP--Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) compared being an asshole to alcoholism Wednesday, arguing that both can be overcome. "Whether or not you feel compelled to be an asshole or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that," Perry explained during...
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Showing page 1 (of 6 pages)
Breaking News...

Iron Man Booted Out of Avengers for Drunken Flying..Again!

Captain America and Hulk met the press to make the sad announcement that Iron Man was no longer a member of the Avengers due to his alcoholism. "He PROMISED it wouldn't happen again!" said the Hulk.

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