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Funny story: Texas School Officials Sentence Autistic Child with Tourette's Syndrome to Life in Detention After He Mangled the Pledge of Allegiance

Texas School Officials Sentence Autistic Child with Tourette's Syndrome to Life in Detention After He Mangled the Pledge of Allegiance

Stephenville, TX-Ten year old Ronnie Rae Simmons, who suffers from Asperger's, Tourette's Syndrome, and Dyslexia, may well spend the rest of his life in detention, if school officials at Audie Murphy Elementary have anything to say about it. The elev...
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Funny story: Miraculously, Televangelist Joyce Meyer Gives Birth at Age 71

Miraculously, Televangelist Joyce Meyer Gives Birth at Age 71

Fenton, MO--In what many of her followers are calling a miracle, televangelist Joyce Meyer on Tuesday gave birth at the age of 71. The wildly successful televangelist from Missouri reportedly gave birth to a two thousand pound cash cow at St. Clare...
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Funny story: Biblical Archeologist Claims "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve"!

Biblical Archeologist Claims "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve"!

LEXINGTON, KY-A Biblical Archeologist from Transylvania University in Lexington, KY, now claims that the bumper sticker adorning cars and trucks all over the South are wrong. The bumper stickers, claims Dr. Leslie Elohim of the Classics Dept. at Tra...
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Funny story: Four GOP Presidential Hopefuls Drown While Testing the Waters for 2016

Four GOP Presidential Hopefuls Drown While Testing the Waters for 2016

Across the nation, four GOP presidential hopefuls drowned this week while testing the waters for the 2016 presidential run. Mitt Romney, according to nearby witnesses, drowned outside his residence in San Diego, CA, while taking a morning dip in t...
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Funny story: NRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers

NRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers

FAIRFAX, VA--After a two year old toddler fatally shot his mother at a Wal-Mart recently, Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Ass., is starting an effort to lobby Congress to extend Concealed Carry Laws to toddlers nationwide. His reasoning:...
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Funny story: GOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis

GOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis

WASHINGTON, DC--The Republican Party has declared a Fatwa, or legal decree, against Pope Francis for his anti-capitalist statements over the last year and a half. The Fatwa came only days after the most recent attack on the controversial Pope, when S...
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Funny story: Man Unexpectedly Drops Dead While Pre-Planning His Funeral

Man Unexpectedly Drops Dead While Pre-Planning His Funeral

GRANTS LICK, KY-Jason Moribund, 57, a lifelong resident of northern Kentucky, was pre-planning his funeral at Swindler and Curry Funeral Home last Friday night when he suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack. The owner of the funeral home, C...
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Funny story: Black Suspect Who Died in Police Custody Suffered from a Pre-existing Condition (Actually, Two)

Black Suspect Who Died in Police Custody Suffered from a Pre-existing Condition (Actually, Two)

NEW YORK-A black suspect who died from a chokehold while in police custody apparently, according to the coroner who examined the body on Wednesday, suffered from the pre-existing condition of mortality. Rashawn Williams, the 27 year old suspect, w...
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Funny story: McDahmer's: The Newest Venture in Sustainable Living

McDahmer's: The Newest Venture in Sustainable Living

OAK BROOK, IL - Mickey D's has announced its newest venture in sustainable living--or, as some foodies across the nation are calling it, "sustainable eating." The venture is called McDahmer's, and is named after the serial killer Jeffery Dahmer,...
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Funny story: The Biosphere Reportedly on Life Support

The Biosphere Reportedly on Life Support

EARTH-The Biosphere, the global sum of all the ecosystems on Earth, is reportedly on life support, says its children Geosphere, Hydrosphere, Cryosphere, and Atmosphere. Biosphere, which has been suffering from a number of terminal conditions for d...
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Funny story: Senator Rand Paul Quarantined After Contracting Ebola

Senator Rand Paul Quarantined After Contracting Ebola

BOWLING GREEN, KY-Libertarian firebrand Rand Paul has apparently contracted Ebola from a virus that was carried all the way to Bowling Green, Kentucky, via La Nina, from Liberia. Paul contracted the deadly virus only days after telling Concord N...
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Funny story: Dead Sea Squirrels Found in a Cave Near the West Bank

Dead Sea Squirrels Found in a Cave Near the West Bank

WEST BANK-A number of Dead Sea Squirrels, found in one of the Qumran Caves in a large plateau near the West Bank, have stunned archeologists at the nearby Qumran National Park who are investigating them. The Dead Sea Squirrels, six of them sta...
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Funny story: CDC Issues a Level 3 Warning Against the FNV, or FOX News Virus

CDC Issues a Level 3 Warning Against the FNV, or FOX News Virus

ATLANTA, GA-The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) today issued a Level 3 warning against a new, potentially contagious virus it is calling FNV, or the FOX News Virus. The FNV, explained Dr. Samuel Grimes of the CDC, is highly communicable, especiall...
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Funny story: To Woo Women Voters, Republicans to Hand Out Free Rape Kits at Their National Convention in 2016

To Woo Women Voters, Republicans to Hand Out Free Rape Kits at Their National Convention in 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C.-With Barack Obama winning the women's vote nearly 56% to 44% over his challenger Mitt Romney, Republicans are poised, in 2016, to woo back the women's vote. Their secret plan: To hand out free rape kits to women leading up to and a...
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Funny story: Mitt Romney's Re-animated Corpse to Run for President in 2048

Mitt Romney's Re-animated Corpse to Run for President in 2048

WASHINGTON, D. C. (DP)-Mitt Romney, who died in 2028 at the age of eighty-one while running for president for the seventh time, is poised to give it another shot, advisors to the cryogenically frozen candidate reported today. Close advisors to...
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Funny story: Budget-Strapped Red States to Use Gladiatorial Fights to Raise Much-needed Funds for Infrastructure Repairs

Budget-Strapped Red States to Use Gladiatorial Fights to Raise Much-needed Funds for Infrastructure Repairs

RED STATE AMERICA--With so many states still strapped for funds after their Republican-led legislatures cut their budgets to the bone, and with gambling casinos and racinos no longer producing enough to make up for the deficit, some Red States are tr...
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Funny story: Nationally Syndicated Life Coach Throws in the Towel

Nationally Syndicated Life Coach Throws in the Towel

PORTLAND, OR-- Vitalia Effervesce, nationally known Life Coach and host of the daily advice show Shine On You, committed suicide Monday by downing a bottle of Xanax washed down with a fifth of Jim Beam. Effervesce, author of the New Age bible Let...
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Funny story: A New Mobile App for the Wives of Husbands with Wandering Eyes

A New Mobile App for the Wives of Husbands with Wandering Eyes

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." KJV Matthew 5:28 Jesus knew it. Wives know it too. A man whose eyes are constantly wandering will often wander, s...
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Breaking News...

Emperor Finally Issues A "Secure Borders" Edict

Barack I degreed today all borders of the US Empire shall be sealed to prevent entry of the "undesirable alien" Bibi Netanyahu. Chief of Secret Storm Troopers, Eric Holder, will personally enforce it.
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