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Funny story: Ayn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day

Ayn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day

IRVINE, CA--The new Ayn Rand Zoo, located in the same city that houses the Ayn Rand Institute and funded solely by private donors like Sheldon Adelson and Koch Industries, opened--and closed--last Wednesday in what Objectivist philosopher Leonard Pe...
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Funny story: Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas

DALLAS, TX--Gov. Greg Abbott, fearing an invasion by the federal government this week, called in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to ward off what many in the Loon Star State believe is an invasion designed to take over Texas and force all of its unins...
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Funny story: Texas Legislature Poised to Pass Open-Viper Law

Texas Legislature Poised to Pass Open-Viper Law

AUSTIN, TX-The Republican-controlled Texas legislature is poised to pass an historic Open-Viper Law over the next two weeks. The Open Viper Law, the first of its kind in the nation, would allow Texas citizens to openly carry venomous snakes in the Lo...
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Funny story: Mole Removed from God's Ass Turns Out to Be the Republican Party

Mole Removed from God's Ass Turns Out to Be the Republican Party

HEAVEN--Ohio Governor John Kasich asked this week, concerning his bid for the presidency in 2016, "[T]he most important thing is, what does the Lord want me to do with my life?" This statement came only weeks after Ted Cruz announced his bid for th...
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Funny story: An Asteroid Strikes the Creation Museum, Wiping Out All the Animatronic Dinosaurs

An Asteroid Strikes the Creation Museum, Wiping Out All the Animatronic Dinosaurs

PETERSBURG, KY-On Wednesday, an asteroid struck the Creation Museum run by the biblical apologist organization Answers in Genesis, wiping out all of the animatronic dinosaurs that have been a part of the Museum's exhibit since its opening in 2007.
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Funny story: It Is What It Is, Isn't It?

It Is What It Is, Isn't It?

Much like the mysterious dark matter that astrophysicists have been hypothesizing about since the 1930s, metaphysicians this week announced that "It is what it is--isn't." Explained Dr. Cecile Plotinus, who teaches a course in the Pre-Socratic ph...
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Funny story: Ted Cruz Addresses the "Two Americas"

Ted Cruz Addresses the "Two Americas"

HOUSTON, TX--Aspiring presidential candidate and Tea Party darling Ted Cruz has taken a page from left-leaning populist and one-time presidential candidate John Edwards, to draw attention to what he is calling the "two Americas," comprising, in his v...
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Funny story: FOX News: March at Selma? There Was a March at Selma? Again?

FOX News: March at Selma? There Was a March at Selma? Again?

SELMA, AL--On Saturday FOX News sent a number of their best-known anchors and talk show hosts--Brit Hume, Bill O'Reilly, Steve Doocy, Megyn Kelly, Bret Baier, and Laura Ingraham, among others--to cover the 50th anniversary of the historic March in Se...
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Funny story: John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, and Benjamin Netanyahu Caught In Sexual Congress

John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, and Benjamin Netanyahu Caught In Sexual Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C.-Security guards at the Capitol on Tuesday found Rep. John Boehner, Sen. Mitch McConnell, and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu having sexual congress in one of its bathrooms, only minutes before the Prime Minister of Israel gave his...
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Funny story: Texas School Officials Sentence Autistic Child with Tourette's Syndrome to Life in Detention After He Mangled the Pledge of Allegiance

Texas School Officials Sentence Autistic Child with Tourette's Syndrome to Life in Detention After He Mangled the Pledge of Allegiance

Stephenville, TX-Ten year old Ronnie Rae Simmons, who suffers from Asperger's, Tourette's Syndrome, and Dyslexia, may well spend the rest of his life in detention, if school officials at Audie Murphy Elementary have anything to say about it. The elev...
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Funny story: Miraculously, Televangelist Joyce Meyer Gives Birth at Age 71

Miraculously, Televangelist Joyce Meyer Gives Birth at Age 71

Fenton, MO--In what many of her followers are calling a miracle, televangelist Joyce Meyer on Tuesday gave birth at the age of 71. The wildly successful televangelist from Missouri reportedly gave birth to a two thousand pound cash cow at St. Clare...
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Funny story: Biblical Archeologist Claims "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve"!

Biblical Archeologist Claims "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve"!

LEXINGTON, KY-A Biblical Archeologist from Transylvania University in Lexington, KY, now claims that the bumper sticker adorning cars and trucks all over the South are wrong. The bumper stickers, claims Dr. Leslie Elohim of the Classics Dept. at Tra...
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Funny story: Four GOP Presidential Hopefuls Drown While Testing the Waters for 2016

Four GOP Presidential Hopefuls Drown While Testing the Waters for 2016

Across the nation, four GOP presidential hopefuls drowned this week while testing the waters for the 2016 presidential run. Mitt Romney, according to nearby witnesses, drowned outside his residence in San Diego, CA, while taking a morning dip in t...
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Funny story: NRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers

NRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers

FAIRFAX, VA--After a two year old toddler fatally shot his mother at a Wal-Mart recently, Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Ass., is starting an effort to lobby Congress to extend Concealed Carry Laws to toddlers nationwide. His reasoning:...
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Funny story: GOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis

GOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis

WASHINGTON, DC--The Republican Party has declared a Fatwa, or legal decree, against Pope Francis for his anti-capitalist statements over the last year and a half. The Fatwa came only days after the most recent attack on the controversial Pope, when S...
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Funny story: Man Unexpectedly Drops Dead While Pre-Planning His Funeral

Man Unexpectedly Drops Dead While Pre-Planning His Funeral

GRANTS LICK, KY-Jason Moribund, 57, a lifelong resident of northern Kentucky, was pre-planning his funeral at Swindler and Curry Funeral Home last Friday night when he suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack. The owner of the funeral home, C...
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Funny story: Black Suspect Who Died in Police Custody Suffered from a Pre-existing Condition (Actually, Two)

Black Suspect Who Died in Police Custody Suffered from a Pre-existing Condition (Actually, Two)

NEW YORK-A black suspect who died from a chokehold while in police custody apparently, according to the coroner who examined the body on Wednesday, suffered from the pre-existing condition of mortality. Rashawn Williams, the 27 year old suspect, w...
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Funny story: McDahmer's: The Newest Venture in Sustainable Living

McDahmer's: The Newest Venture in Sustainable Living

OAK BROOK, IL - Mickey D's has announced its newest venture in sustainable living--or, as some foodies across the nation are calling it, "sustainable eating." The venture is called McDahmer's, and is named after the serial killer Jeffery Dahmer,...
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Breaking News...

Hungarian President Beaten To Death By All Male Mob For Criticizing Internet Porn

Hungary's President was killed by a mob, angry over rumors that he thought internet porn "unbecoming." He has been replaced with a dictator and all of his political allies shot.
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