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Funny story: The Holy Trinity to Go Their Separate Ways

The Holy Trinity to Go Their Separate Ways

HEAVEN--After existing for nearly two millennia as consubstantial roommates, the Holy Trinity--God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit--are splitting up. Theologians thought they had settled the debate of the Holy Trinity more than a...
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Funny story: New DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin

New DNA Evidence Reveals That the Virgin Mary Was Not a Virgin

ROME--Biblical scholars have long been puzzled by a passage by a man named Baruch, in the apocryphal text of the same name, which reads, "Yeah. I hit on that. She was a nice piece of ass, though a bit of a holy roller for my taste." Although schol...
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Funny story: Ebola Virus Tweets: "Keep Donald Trump Out of Here"

Ebola Virus Tweets: "Keep Donald Trump Out of Here"

MONROVIA, LIBERIA--An Ebola virus today tweeted: "Heard Donald Trump will visit Africa in a few days. Please don't let this form of vermin in. Keep Donald Trump out of here!" The Ebola virus was apparently responding to rumors that Donald Trump...
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Funny story: Senate Passes Deportation Bill to Fast-Track Ted Cruz's Return to Canada

Senate Passes Deportation Bill to Fast-Track Ted Cruz's Return to Canada

WASHINGTON-The Senate, before leaving on its month-long vacation on Thursday, passed a bill in the early morning hours to fast-track the deportation of Ted Cruz back to his native country of Canada. The vote on the Bill, which was, as usual, expe...
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Funny story: The Three Abrahamic Religions to Battle It Out in a Cage Fight

The Three Abrahamic Religions to Battle It Out in a Cage Fight

JERUSALEM--Settling, once and for all, the Old Testament challenge, "Whose God is greater, mine or thine?" the three Abrahamic religions--Judaism, Christianity, and Islam--will meet in a cage fight in Jerusalem next week. Three champions have been c...
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Funny story: Jerry Springer Nearly Dies and Goes to Hell; Rumble Ensues

Jerry Springer Nearly Dies and Goes to Hell; Rumble Ensues

HELL---Longtime tabloid talk show host Jerry Springer was pronounced dead from a gorilla attack on Friday, soon after beginning his Final Thought segment at the end of the show, but was eventually revived by EMTs at the scene. Friday's show, which...
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Funny story: Bridge Collapses, Drowning 22 Tea Party Activists

Bridge Collapses, Drowning 22 Tea Party Activists

HUNTINGTON, WV--The Robert C. Byrd Bridge, a bridge spanning the Ohio River between Chesapeake, OH and Huntington, WV, collapsed on Thursday, killing twenty-two members of the Tea Party Movement. The Tea Party activists were reportedly on their way...
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Funny story: "God's Not Dead; He's Just Incompetent," with Kevin Sorbo, to Hit the Theaters Next Week

"God's Not Dead; He's Just Incompetent," with Kevin Sorbo, to Hit the Theaters Next Week

HOLLYWOOD--The sequel to "God's Not Dead" will hit the theaters next week, and the much-anticipated sequel is, like the first movie, expected to fill theaters with evangelical fervor, only this time from the opposite side of the debate. In "God's...
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Funny story: Tween Phenom the Next Tiger Woods of Competitive Eating?

Tween Phenom the Next Tiger Woods of Competitive Eating?

SPARTA, KY--Kyle Gustibus may not be a household name at this point, but if the young athlete keeps working out with his Munchables and WarmPockets, he may be the next Tiger Woods of competitive eating. The residents of Sparta, Kentucky have been...
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Funny story: In a Stunning Decision, the Supreme Court Declares Adult Swim Unconstitutional

In a Stunning Decision, the Supreme Court Declares Adult Swim Unconstitutional

WASHINGTON, D.C.--In a seven to two decision today, the Supreme Court declared the long-time tradition of adult swim, during which a swimming pool is emptied of anyone under the age of 18 so the adults can swim without interference for ten to fifteen...
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Funny story: J. P. Sartre Warns of "Existential Threat" to the English Language

J. P. Sartre Warns of "Existential Threat" to the English Language

NO EXIT--Angrily tweeting from his otherworldly residence No Exit last Thursday, renowned Existentialist philosopher J. P. Sartre warned of "Idiotic pundits bandying about the phrase 'existential threats' who have never read a word of Kierkegaard, N...
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Funny story: Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence

Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence

KANSAS CITY, MO---The NRA, ever vigilant against liberal, extremist groups who want to take away citizens' right to bear arms, now has an enemy's list. In addition to Wallmark Cards, among its many targets are Britney Spears, the YWCA, AARP, B'nai B...
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Funny story: Rick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)

Rick Perry Likens Being an Asshole to Alcoholism (Or, Ooops! I Did it Again!)

AP--Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) compared being an asshole to alcoholism Wednesday, arguing that both can be overcome. "Whether or not you feel compelled to be an asshole or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that," Perry explained during...
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Funny story: GOP House Moves to Impeach President Obama for Lying About a Parking Ticket in 1984

GOP House Moves to Impeach President Obama for Lying About a Parking Ticket in 1984

WASHINGTON, DC--The Republican House today moved to impeach President Obama for lying about a parking ticket he received in 1984 while attending Columbia University. The young Barack Obama, at the time a student at Columbia majoring in Political Sci...
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Funny story: Gunfight at Open Carry Corral

Gunfight at Open Carry Corral

SAN ANTONIA, TX--A gunfight today broke out between the leader of the Open-Carry Movement, Tex "Small Sack" O'Laury, and the CEO of the National Rifle Association, Wayne "Wacko" LaPierre. The gunfight erupted after a spokesperson for the NRA called...
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Funny story: Prospective 2016 GOP Candidates to Be Subject to a Science Test

Prospective 2016 GOP Candidates to Be Subject to a Science Test

Nearly everyone remembers that moment in the May 2008 Republican debate in which the candidates were asked whether or not they believed in evolution, and three out of the ten participants raised their hands to indicate they didn't. In fact, as recent...
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Funny story: Republican Contract on America 2014

Republican Contract on America 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C.--As Obstructionist Members of the House of Representatives and as citizens seeking to join that august body, we propose not just to change its policies, but even more important, to restore the bonds of trust between the well-paid lo...
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Funny story: Morning News Shows Feature New Tally: The Weekly Domestic Body Count

Morning News Shows Feature New Tally: The Weekly Domestic Body Count

In response to the almost weekly reports of mass shootings across the US, many morning news shows are now including, among their morning segments, a weekly domestic body count of the number of victims lost to gun violence across the country. Now,...
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Showing page 1 (of 5 pages)
Breaking News...

Joan Rivers Loses It

A medical bulletin just released from a Manhattan clinic states that Joan Rivers had stopped talking during throat surgery.

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