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Funny story: Donald Trump's Lincolnesque Moment

Donald Trump's Lincolnesque Moment

The following is a transcript from Donald Trump's speech at Gettysburg, October 22, 2016. Gettysburg, PA--Eleven score and seven gropes ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived by libertines, and dedicated to the pro...
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Funny story: Trump Announces, "I could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of my supporters a fat slob and she'd still vote for me!"

Trump Announces, "I could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of my supporters a fat slob and she'd still vote for me!"

Mobile, AL--At a rally last week in Mobile, Donald Trump bragged that he could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of his supporters a fat slob, and she'd still vote for him. When a reporter from The Mobile Register went out to a local trailer pa...
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Funny story: Patient Dies After Firing His "Career Oncologist"

Patient Dies After Firing His "Career Oncologist"

New Hartford, CT--Reggie Whitford, a patient suffering from stage 2 colorectal cancer, died on Tuesday eight months after firing what he groused to his family members was a "goddamn career oncologist." His former oncologist, Dr. Sudhir Parikh, was...
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Funny story: For Debate Prep, the Clinton Campaign Hires a Nine Year Old Who Ran a Successful Lemonade Stand as a Stand-in for Donald Trump

For Debate Prep, the Clinton Campaign Hires a Nine Year Old Who Ran a Successful Lemonade Stand as a Stand-in for Donald Trump

Washington, D. C.--In preparing for the upcoming debates with Donald Trump, Clinton campaign spokesperson Robby Mook announced today that it has has hired Billy Vermon, a successful lemonade magnate, to stand in for Donald Trump. Nine year old Bi...
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Funny story: Donald Trump's America: A Review

Donald Trump's America: A Review

My wife and I went to see a movie called Trump's America at a local multiplex which will remain unnamed. When I purchased the tickets for the movie, the cashier behind the window asked to see my and my wife's photo IDs, to make sure we weren't Mexic...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Hospitalized After Choking on His Own Ego

Donald Trump Hospitalized After Choking on His Own Ego

BURNT CORN, AL--Donald Trump, at a rally Tuesday in Alabama, was hospitalized after he began choking on his own ego. Trump was building up to the peroration of his speech, in which he praised himself as the sole solution to all that ails the Uni...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders

Donald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders

TRUMP HEADQUARTERS (that is, Trump's head)--Donald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic: Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders. After "Crooked Hillary" began to get old,...
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Funny story: "The bitter angels of our nature": The Trump Campaign Caught Plagiarizing Again

"The bitter angels of our nature": The Trump Campaign Caught Plagiarizing Again

Springfield, IL--Donald Trump, at a rally in the city where Abraham Lincoln launched his political career, was caught plagiarizing the person whom many consider to be the founder of the Republican Party in a campaign speech he delivered to a grou...
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Funny story: In Kentucky, Answers in Genesis Recreates a Biblical Flood to Float Noah's Ark

In Kentucky, Answers in Genesis Recreates a Biblical Flood to Float Noah's Ark

Williamstown, KY--Answers in Genesis, the fundamentalist Bible apologetics organization that advocates the Earth is only four thousand years old and even built a museum in Petersburg, KY, to prove that thesis, announced today that they were going to...
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Funny story: To Promote Diversity Donald Trump Insults Nearly Every Other Ethnic Group in America

To Promote Diversity Donald Trump Insults Nearly Every Other Ethnic Group in America

Twittersphere, USA--Having already insulted Mexicans, Blacks, and Muslims and now--with his attacks on Twitter calling Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas"--Native Americans as well, Donald Trump today launched a new diversity campaign to offend nearly ever...
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Funny story: After Losing the News Cycle for Three Days to Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump Declares Himself Dead

After Losing the News Cycle for Three Days to Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump Declares Himself Dead

Washington, D. C.--Donald Trump, after watching the news cycle focus on the death of Muhammad Ali for the last three days, today declared to Jake Tapper, on "State of the Nation," that he was dead. Said the bloviating billionaire to Tapper: "Yeah,...
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Funny story: Donald Trump a Person of Interest in the Sudden Death of Godwin's Law

Donald Trump a Person of Interest in the Sudden Death of Godwin's Law

New York, NY--Godwin's Law, the adage that when one resorts in a debate to a comparison to Hitler or to Nazism, one has lost the argument, was found dead on Friday of last week, crumpled up near one of the loading docks at the back of Trump Tower...
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Funny story: Donald Trump: "I love the Bible! It has the best words!"

Donald Trump: "I love the Bible! It has the best words!"

Lynchburg, VA--Donald Trump, speaking at Liberty University, the conservative Baptist college first endowed by Jerry Falwell, Jr., began his address to his young audience by booming, "I love the Bible! The Bible is the greatest book ever written! I...
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Funny story: Republican Party Now Classified as an Endangered Species

Republican Party Now Classified as an Endangered Species

The International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN) has now added the Republican Party to its "Red List," which is a list of species world-wide ranging from completely extinct to near-threatened. The GOP, or the Grand Obsolescent Party, as...
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Funny story: Republican Candidates for President Pressured to Release Their Anatomical Endowments

Republican Candidates for President Pressured to Release Their Anatomical Endowments

Detroit, MI--After Donald Trump revealed at the Republican debate that he was "huge," in response to Marco Rubio's implicit criticism of the size of his genitals, all of the candidates now vying for the Republican nomination are being asked to releas...
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Funny story: U. S. Constitution Found Dead in an Alley in Washington, D.C. GOP Being Held as a Person of Interest

U. S. Constitution Found Dead in an Alley in Washington, D.C. GOP Being Held as a Person of Interest

WASHINGTON, D. C.--The Constitution was found dead last Thursday evening in a back alley, its bullet-ridden body soaked in blood. Suspiciously, article five of the Constitution, which begins, "The Congress, whenever two thirds of both houses shall d...
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Funny story: Darth Money Announces His Candidacy for President in 2016

Darth Money Announces His Candidacy for President in 2016

WASHINGTON, D. C.--Darth Money, representing the newly-formed Sith Party, has announced his candidacy for President of the United Empire. Funded largely through 501 non-profits and similar organizations, Darth Money is running on a platform that i...
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Funny story: Other Othered from Support Group Forms Another Other Support Group

Other Othered from Support Group Forms Another Other Support Group

Seattle, OR--Andrew Yin, an Asian, trans-masculine, non-binary, tri-partisan Republican has quit his support group for Asian, trans-masculine, non-binary, tri-partisan Independents to form his own support group after feeling that he was "othered" b...
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