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Funny story: Max Headroom Remembers Dating iphone's Siri In College

Max Headroom Remembers Dating iphone's Siri In College

Los Angeles, CA - Max Headroom never imagined that the girl he once dated in college, a nerdy know-it-all named Siri, would go on to become the voice of Apple's iphone. We sat down with the '80's icon, who was dumbfounded by her success. "I j-j-j...
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Funny story: Drug Addicts Fund A Kick-Starter Account To Free El Chapo

Drug Addicts Fund A Kick-Starter Account To Free El Chapo

Everytown, U.S.A - Coke heads, crack heads, pill freaks and heroin junkies have all banded together in support of freeing their beloved El Chapo, the Mexican drug lord, from prison, by opening a Kick-Starter page. "Our goal is to raise enough mone...
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Funny story: Russian Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear Stuffies Are A Christmas Must-Have!

Russian Cozy Bear and Fancy Bear Stuffies Are A Christmas Must-Have!

Burlington, VT - Vermont's Build-A-Bear Workshop hasn't had a Christmas season this profitable in a long, long time. And it's all thanks to their two Russian hacking bears! Yes, it seems that America (mostly republicans) has gone completely wild f...
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Funny story: Rudolph Refusing To Go Anywhere Near Aleppo

Rudolph Refusing To Go Anywhere Near Aleppo

North Pole, Arctic - Rudolph is not apologizing for his recent weekend Twitter rampage, stating that he will not be forced to drop presents off in Aleppo, Syria. Sighting claims that it is far too dangerous to go anywhere near the bombed-out city...
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Funny story: Tokyo Unveils 2020 Mascots - Sex Dolls!

Tokyo Unveils 2020 Mascots - Sex Dolls!

Tokyo, Japan - In a move that greatly saddened Hello Kitty lovers across Japan, the Tokyo committee announced on Friday that they have decided to go with two inflatable sex dolls, as the mascots for 2020. Head of the committee, Titzi Wowhi, stated...
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Funny story: Tony Bennett Releases Yet Another Fucking Christmas Album

Tony Bennett Releases Yet Another Fucking Christmas Album

New York, New York - Proving to the world once again that he is, indeed, still alive, crooner Tony Bennett releases the 500th Christmas album in his nauseating yule tide collection. This latest one is called, I'm A Christmas Whore - There, I Said It!...
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Funny story: TV Painter, Bob Ross, Actually Really Hated Meadows and Streams

TV Painter, Bob Ross, Actually Really Hated Meadows and Streams

Bob Ross became an instant TV celebrity with his easy-to-follow painting techniques on PBS in the late '80's. But now his long time Cameraman, Arty Rivers, has written a tell-all memoir about the painting zen-master, who actually detested nature in g...
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Funny story: Kanye Only Speaking With Doctors Using Auto-Tune Microphone

Kanye Only Speaking With Doctors Using Auto-Tune Microphone

Los Angeles, CA - After his recent concert meltdown, rapper Kanye West is being treated for an extreme case of the 'Rubber Ramada Blues' at UCLA hospital. His Doctors state that he is 'nuttier than a fruitcake' and that he will only speak to them us...
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Funny story: Mother Nature Picketing God Outside Pearly Gates Over Labor Rights

Mother Nature Picketing God Outside Pearly Gates Over Labor Rights

Pearly Gates, Heaven - Mother Nature tips back her raggedy leaf-crown in front of God's famous gates, refusing to go to arbitration over their on-going dispute regarding her wage package. The wand-waving Disastress has been very vocal over the last s...
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Funny story: Bob Dylan Secretly Longs For Teen Choice Award

Bob Dylan Secretly Longs For Teen Choice Award

New York, NY - After being announced as the winner of the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize for groovy songs, sources close to legendary songwriter, Bob Dylan, say that all he really wants is a surfboard trophy from the Teen Choice Awards. "Mr. Dylan couldn'...
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Funny story: 5K Charity Walk To Stamp Out Hunger In L.A. Totally Works!

5K Charity Walk To Stamp Out Hunger In L.A. Totally Works!

Los Angeles, CA - A 5K charity walk to end hunger in Los Angeles has done the job. 100% problem solved! There are now no more hungry people anywhere in the entire city of L.A.! Go look for yourself. Head Walk Organizer, Debbie Zimmerfeet, explaine...
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Funny story: Hacked Robotic Leg To Blame In London Kicking Rampage

Hacked Robotic Leg To Blame In London Kicking Rampage

London, UK, England - You can buy anything and connect it to the internet these days; TV's and microwaves, toilets and toasters. Even the latest artificial leg comes with online capabilities and is part of our new world's Internet Of Things. Now,...
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Funny story: California Offers "You're Fired!" Voting Method

California Offers "You're Fired!" Voting Method

Sacramento, Calif - The California State Assembly approved a controversial new voting system late Monday night, now known as the "You're Fired!" voting method. "It's so easy and convenient," explained Democratic Chairperson Amy Thumbsdown. "You c...
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Funny story: New Study Finds Yelling At Golf Ball Has No Effect

New Study Finds Yelling At Golf Ball Has No Effect

West Palm Beach, FL - A recent study conducted at golf tournaments on the PGA Tour and LPGA events has uncovered the disheartening fact that yelling at your golf ball during flight has absolutely no effect on how it behaves. "I just can't believe...
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Funny story: God Files Defamation Lawsuit Against Angel Soft Toilet Paper

God Files Defamation Lawsuit Against Angel Soft Toilet Paper

Vatican City, Italy - God has given word to Pope Francis that he wants the pontiff to file a lawsuit in New Jersey's 2nd appellate court, claiming that Angel Soft toilet paper is guilty of defamation of character against his beloved angels. "God w...
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Funny story: Man Playing Pokémon Go App Eaten By Lions

Man Playing Pokémon Go App Eaten By Lions

Kenya, Africa - The instant addiction to the new Pokémon Go game has already reached all corners of the globe, causing its players all sorts of unique injuries in pursuit of hunting Pokémon. But one poor Kenyan fellow won't be Facebooking his injurie...
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Funny story: Jimmy Buffett Opens Chain Of Run-Down Trailer Parks

Jimmy Buffett Opens Chain Of Run-Down Trailer Parks

Gulf Shores Beach, FL - Jimmy Buffett doesn't need to be searching for his 'lost shaker of salt' anymore, he can easily afford to hire someone to find it for him. The music legend, who's been touring the country with his Coral Reefer Band for decades...
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Funny story: Britain Leaves Its Favorite Panties At Old Boyfriend's Apartment!

Britain Leaves Its Favorite Panties At Old Boyfriend's Apartment!

London, UK, Britain, England - It appears that after the torrid and heart-wrenching breakup (which Brexit's boyfriend, E.U. didn't really think she had the nerve to do) she's really leaving this time! But now after storming out, she's forgotten t...
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Feeling Old

I got the results back from my Telomere kit to find out how old I was in Teloyears, and discovered that I've been dead since 2007. Bummer.
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