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Airports fast track security for sex toys

Funny story: Airports fast track security for sex toys

Airports in the UK and US are now having to install express lanes for exhibitionists who pack adult toys in their hand luggage in the hope that they will be asked to 'prove they turn on'. Security staff are exasperated at the number of passengers...

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Historic match-fix plot at World Cup Final

Funny story: Historic match-fix plot at World Cup Final

Details are emerging of match-fixing on all sides in preparation for today's World Cup final in Brazil. The entire World Cup is now thought to be an elaborate propaganda stunt, promoted by a resurgent Angela Merkel to assure the German people of the...

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Critics rave as Eastenders nails the cycle of life

Funny story: Critics rave as Eastenders nails the cycle of life

The BBC has been showered with accolades after the screening of the Eastenders episode handling the Beale Bereavement last week. Torquil Faversham, Head of Gritty Plot Lines explained, 'We knew we couldn't expose the nation to the terrible loss of an...

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British submarine collides with MH370

Funny story: British submarine collides with MH370

HMS Tireless, a Trafalgar-class nuclear submarine, was recently despatched to the Indian ocean to help in the search for the lost Malaysian aircraft, MH370. The Royal Navy has a proud history of 'finding' submerged objects such as other submarines an...

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Obama and Putin hour-long phonecall was 'gay hold music'

Funny story: Obama and Putin hour-long phonecall was 'gay hold music'

Details are emerging of the hour-long conference call between President Obama and Vladimir Putin this week. Official reports suggested Obama had urged Putin to embrace a diplomatic resolution to the crisis in Crimea, while David Cameron performed a s...

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Intelligence chiefs under fire for not noticing 'massive exercise' sooner

Funny story: Intelligence chiefs under fire for not noticing 'massive exercise' sooner

Intelligence chiefs are said to be coming under heavy criticism for not providing timely warning of what was clearly a full-scale invasion in the Crimea. The head of the NSA is off the record in saying he was 'really quite irked' at the insensitivity...

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Closing Ceremony in Crimea highlights Coalition failure

Funny story: Closing Ceremony in Crimea highlights Coalition failure

David Cameron faced stern questioning during PMQs on Friday when asked to explain why, two years on, the Coalition government has yet to take full advantage of the London 2012 legacy. Stark comparisons have been drawn after Russia rode the wave of...

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Environment Agency to divert Thames down the Chunnel

Funny story: Environment Agency to divert Thames down the Chunnel

In a move of breathtaking brilliance, the Community Secretary Eric Pickles today put down his pie and announced the initiative to save the Thames Valley from further flood damage. 'The Environment Agency will henceforth direct their hoses down the...

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Olympic Curling marred by 'ball tampering'

Funny story: Olympic Curling marred by 'ball tampering'

The extreme housework ice discipline of curling was rocked by controversy today, after accusations that some teams had used illegal tactics. Recent speculation regarding the Norwegian curling team's unorthodox trousers has culminated in an investi...

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Computer runs out of storm names and generates: Gefutzsbttx

Funny story: Computer runs out of storm names and generates: Gefutzsbttx

The Met Office has announced a new naming convention for storms, after experts ran out of common names, and then words in the English dictionary last week. A spokesman admitted, "We have cycled through three 'tropical storm Ruth's over the last 6...

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Nature Notes: new crater reported in Somerset

Funny story: Nature Notes: new crater reported in Somerset

Birds everywhere are reacting angrily to the ineptitude of humans after a bid to drain the Somerset Levels by dropping Eric Pickles from a great height failed dramatically, causing what many initially believed to be an 'extinction event'. Fortunat...

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Think tank ponders Cameron's rug enigma

Funny story: Think tank ponders Cameron's rug enigma

Since the Prime Minister David Cameron stated this week, that: 'if we lost Scotland, it would rip a rug from under the UK's reputation', Scottish and English philosopers and linguistic scholars alike have been in a frantic race to divine the meaning...

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Avian privacy groups slam RSPB 'mass surveillance'

Funny story: Avian privacy groups slam RSPB 'mass surveillance'

Avian rights activists are tweeting furiously after an insider at the RSPB leaked the full shocking extent of directed surveillance against birds. Not content with using undercover agents (or 'twitchers'), the shadowy 'protection' agency has gone on...

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Salford man in hiding after admitting "I never met Mandela"

Funny story: Salford man in hiding after admitting "I never met Mandela"

A Salford man is currently receiving specialist counselling after voluntarily admitting "I never met Mandela". Police are asking for others in a similar position to come forward for their own protection, and so that they can be offered appropriate su...

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Why Britain doesn't get hurricanes - Explained

Funny story: Why Britain doesn't get hurricanes - Explained

The met office have been encouraged to issue a statement today after an influx of queries related to the definition of hurricanes, and why the UK never seems to admit to one. Media sources have cited increasing alarm over projected windspeeds for the...

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Fireworks as Trident 'third way' launched

Funny story: Fireworks as Trident 'third way' launched

In a surprise announcement this morning the Treasury Secretary, Danny Alexander, has disclosed a 'third option' for the austerity Trident programme. Rather than cutting the committed contracts for the boats themselves, the government will keep 3 out...

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Prisoners to be stripped under new jail reforms

Funny story: Prisoners to be stripped under new jail reforms

The Justice Secretary has today announced prison reforms in a bid to cut down waiting lists. Prisoners will no longer automatically receive perks such as clothing and absorbent toilet paper. Initially the prisoners will have to parade naked under...

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Meryl Streep to play Thatcher on Wednesday

Funny story: Meryl Streep to play Thatcher on Wednesday

The world of entertainment is a-fire tonight with the rumours that Meryl Streep is tipped to star in her most challenging role yet, in an epic £10M production with a cast of thousands. The audience is set to break box-office records for a premiere.

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