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The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Call Up

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Call Up

I know...I know what you’re thinking. How is it that after two years in the wilderness Gormless Gareth has seen the light and called me back into the squad? I’ll tell you how. Even GG knows class when he sees it and it’s when the going gets tough...

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Couple's security footage 'viewed by voyeurs'

Funny story: Couple's security footage 'viewed by voyeurs'

Tony and Mary, are in their seventies, and have been watched by thousands of people around the world on their web-enabled security cameras - and didn’t even know. In 2015, due to security concerns, they fitted their suburban semi with what they th...

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German Teens Condemn 'unfair' English Exam in Petition

Funny story: German Teens Condemn 'unfair' English Exam in Petition

Grappling with Brexit in one English exam proved too much for more than 30,000 German school students, who are protesting in an online petition. About 31,000 students sat the English exam in the south-west German state of Baden-Württemberg but the pe...

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Newspaper Headlines Roundup

Funny story: Newspaper Headlines Roundup

In a diatribe today under the headline "Brexit Traitors", Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre, writing from his EU funded estate in Scotland, rails against the length of time Brexit is taking. He calls Prime MInister Theresa May a "fucking Remainer bitch" a...

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Local Elections 2018: A Voter's Guide to the Polling Booth

Funny story: Local Elections 2018: A Voter's Guide to the Polling Booth

In response to readers' letters, emails and frequently asked questions to our political correspondent, Paxton Quigley, The Spoof is publishing its own guide to voting rights and wrongs. Can I vote in my pyjamas? (Sloppy Steve) Don't be stupid. Yo...

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Prince Charles to be Next Commonwealth Head and Change its Name to Royalwealth

Funny story: Prince Charles to be Next Commonwealth Head and Change its Name to Royalwealth

Diplomatic correspondent Paxton Quigley has learned that Commonwealth leaders have agreed the appointment of Prince Charles as the next head of the Commonwealth. In his inaugural speech as head, HRH Prince Charles immediately announced the name chang...

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Fans’ Favourite Joey Barton Appointed as Fleetwood Town Head Coach

Funny story: Fans’ Favourite Joey Barton Appointed as Fleetwood Town Head Coach

English football was over the moon yesterday as it was announced that former bad boy, Joey Barton will become the new manager of League One side Fleetwood Town this summer - one day after his ban for match betting ends on 1st June. Fleetwood chairman...

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Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and Shuts Pubs Instead

Funny story: Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and Shuts Pubs Instead

Today, in a prompt volte-face, JD Wetherspoon’s weirdo chairman Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hair style of the gods, informed the stock exchange that, rather than quitting social media as widely reported, his pub chain was to...

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Commonwealth Games Roundup: Australian Women Come Top

Funny story: Commonwealth Games Roundup: Australian Women Come Top

The 2018 Commonwealth Games in Australia’s Gold Coast certainly lived up to their unofficial title of the “over-friendly games” in the athletes’ village with the home team’s women proving their strength in sprints, long distance and team events. It w...

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Commonwealth Games Anger as Scotland Men are Disqualified from Hopscotch Event

Funny story: Commonwealth Games Anger as Scotland Men are Disqualified from Hopscotch Event

In an exclusive interview with our sports editor, Paxton Quigley, Scotland’s Team Manager, Jock MacSporran claimed full responsibility for the dismal failure and eventual disqualification of his men’s team from the hopscotch event at the Gold Coast’s...

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Commonwealth Games Shock as England Tiddlywinks Player Is Sent Home

Funny story: Commonwealth Games Shock as England Tiddlywinks Player Is Sent Home

In a hastily convened press conference at the Commonwealth Gold Coast games today, the Me Too Movement, assisted by Femen activists, told how they had been investigating a catalogue of abuse by English number one tiddlywinker and Balham’s former “art...

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Daily Mail Fury as new sterling contract goes to Poland when Queen abdicates

Funny story: Daily Mail Fury as new sterling contract goes to Poland when Queen abdicates

A secret cabinet office memorandum has been obtained by political editor Paxton Quigley, which admits that under European Union procurement rules the contract for printing new sterling banknotes will be awarded to the Polish national bank. Paxton...

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Labour looks forward to Boris’ “Brexit Dividend”

Funny story: Labour looks forward to Boris’ “Brexit Dividend”

Labour party members are secretly preparing for power after “Prime Minister” Theresa May refused at the weekend to back her Foreign Secretary’s continuing claim that there will be a “Brexit Dividend”. The continued and ever increasing claims eman...

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Procol Harum Pledges Allegiance to ISIS

Funny story: Procol Harum Pledges Allegiance to ISIS

Top terrorist chart-toppers, so-called Islamic State (ISIS) have been skipping the light fandango and turning cartwheels across the floor at the news that 1960s prog rock band Procol Harum has pledged allegiance to them. In England the news has be...

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ISIS to Sue Boris Johnson over "Wankers" Jibe

Funny story: ISIS to Sue Boris Johnson over "Wankers" Jibe

Boris Johnson has peered into the secret findings of MI5's best brains and concluded that ISIS members are porn-watching, sexually frustrated, psychologically maladjusted males. In a recent interview in the Sun according to the London mayor, they are...

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Chancellor Hails Balham as a Model for His New Style Economy

Funny story: Chancellor Hails Balham as a Model for His New Style Economy

During an unannounced flying visit today, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, accompanied by the alcohol sodden Downing Street press corps, praised the advances made by Balham's local economy. Venturing out of the bounds of his Westmi...

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The Secret England Footballer's Diary: Euro 2016 and Scotland

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Diary: Euro 2016 and Scotland

Bench warmer. Fringe player. That's what the papers have been calling me ever since the debacle of our World Cup misadventure and I've got to admit it's true. Roy hasn't even had me in the squad for the matches against the Swiss cheese makers and th...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Pop? Pop? I ask you, bloody cheeky little twerps...that's what our two teenage prodigies took to calling me. Raheem and Luke, they've hardly got a hair on their collective testicles and they had the nerve to call me "Pop". In fact knowing kids thes...

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Breaking news…

Wallis Simpson And Meghan Markle

Somewhere in heaven, Wallis Simpson is smiling and applauding Meghan Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry: an American, an actress and a divorcee. Wow! Everything else is just sparkle. Smart guy, Harry.
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