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Procol Harum Pledges Allegiance to ISIS

Funny story: Procol Harum Pledges Allegiance to ISIS

Top terrorist chart-toppers, so-called Islamic State (ISIS) have been skipping the light fandango and turning cartwheels across the floor at the news that 1960s prog rock band Procol Harum has pledged allegiance to them. In England the news has be...

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ISIS to Sue Boris Johnson over "Wankers" Jibe

Funny story: ISIS to Sue Boris Johnson over "Wankers" Jibe

Boris Johnson has peered into the secret findings of MI5's best brains and concluded that ISIS members are porn-watching, sexually frustrated, psychologically maladjusted males. In a recent interview in the Sun according to the London mayor, they are...

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Chancellor Hails Balham as a Model for His New Style Economy

Funny story: Chancellor Hails Balham as a Model for His New Style Economy

During an unannounced flying visit today, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, accompanied by the alcohol sodden Downing Street press corps, praised the advances made by Balham's local economy. Venturing out of the bounds of his Westmi...

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The Secret England Footballer's Diary: Euro 2016 and Scotland

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Diary: Euro 2016 and Scotland

Bench warmer. Fringe player. That's what the papers have been calling me ever since the debacle of our World Cup misadventure and I've got to admit it's true. Roy hasn't even had me in the squad for the matches against the Swiss cheese makers and th...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 6, Holiday in Miami

Pop? Pop? I ask you, bloody cheeky little twerps...that's what our two teenage prodigies took to calling me. Raheem and Luke, they've hardly got a hair on their collective testicles and they had the nerve to call me "Pop". In fact knowing kids thes...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

Yesssssssssss! I'm on my way to Brazil, wohoooo! Good old Roy, he knows a quality player when he sees one, which isn't very often in my case having been on the bench due to my managerial faux pas this season. Now I suppose you'll want to know how...

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Angry Liverpool Management Complains to DVLA As Mourinho Parks Two Buses

Funny story: Angry Liverpool Management Complains to DVLA As Mourinho Parks Two Buses

Jose Mourinho was unapologetic following his team's victory at Liverpool after which he admitted to parking two buses in front of the Chelsea goal. However Liverpool's management was apoplectic at the unorthodox tactics used by Mourinho claiming tha...

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BBC Plans New TV Channel for Senior Citizens and Ukip Supporters

Funny story: BBC Plans New TV Channel for Senior Citizens and Ukip Supporters

BBC Director-General Tony Hall has announced that under pressure from the Daily Mail and with the rise of Ukip the BBC is to introduce a new TV channel to cater for neo fascists and closet racists. "As a public service the BBC is mandated to refle...

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Militant Atheists to Celebrate Easter

Funny story: Militant Atheists to Celebrate Easter

The Atheist Society of Great Britain today announced that it will be organising street parties nationwide throughout the Easter period. Atheist Society spokesperson B.L. Zebub explained why to the alcohol sodden Church of England press corps. "Wel...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 4, Denmark "friendly"

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 4, Denmark "friendly"

Bloody Daniel Agger. I wanted to get on that pitch and kick him in the nuts after what he did to our little Jack. I was out of my seat seething and shouting at the bastard. Yes okay, so maybe I was on the bench, but we can't all be in the team and...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 3 Roy's Scouting Trip

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 3 Roy's Scouting Trip

Did you see it? Did you bloody see it? He looked like he was on holiday in Southend not visiting a building site in Manaus. No style, stupid 99p Store shades, long sleeve shirt, all buttoned up and I bet he was wearing flannels and a vest. I suppo...

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Panic as Hubble Telescope Spots Incoming Borg

Funny story: Panic as Hubble Telescope Spots Incoming Borg

The United Nations Security Council was called into emergency session today when it was revealed that the Hubble telescope had spotted the Borg heading towards the solar system within two weeks of earth's orbit. After the session UN Secretary Gene...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 2, Roy's Whinge

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: Part 2, Roy's Whinge

So, "England supremo" Roy Hodgson says playing a World Cup match in Manaus is "not ideal", but he does accept that games must be spread around Brazil. What a moaner, apparently temperatures there reach 30C, while humidity is about 80% so he thinks t...

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The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: The Draw

Funny story: The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: The Draw

Italy, Uruguay and Costa Rica. Bloody hell. I'm sure that Sepp hates England. Ever since Panorama did a good job of filleting him and FIFA with all those corrupt banana republic bastards he's had it in for us. I can't see us getting a result wi...

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WTF! JK Claims JR Killed JFK

Funny story: WTF! JK Claims JR Killed JFK

Bewigged, bothered and bewildered US Secretary of State John Kerry today let slip in an unguarded moment that there was evidence that Texan oilman and rancher the late JR Ewing had been involved in the 1963 assassination of President Jack Kennedy. In...

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Fat Bloke Sues The Spoof

Funny story: Fat Bloke Sues The Spoof

"It's outrageous" ranted Mr. Tristram Lard of Balham, south west London to Spoof reporter Paxton Quigley "There I was minding my own business crossing the high road after a few pints of Old Dogfarter in the Stoat and Gobbler with my shopping trolley...

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Femen Sued for Sex Discrimination

Funny story: Femen Sued for Sex Discrimination

Saucy feminist protest group Femen which originated in Ukraine and whose members rose to infamy by getting their tits out for the Vlads, has found itself on the wrong end of a sex discrimination claim. Femen has said that it will fight the "frivolou...

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U.S. Government issued with ASBO and Internet Ban by South London Borough

Funny story: U.S. Government issued with ASBO and Internet Ban by South London Borough

The tiny London borough of Balham made international headlines today when it persuaded a south London magistrate to issue an Anti-Social Behaviour Order and Internet ban on the U.S. government and all of its agencies including the infamous N.S.A. Ne...

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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