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New Year's Revelation! New York Woman Realizes Mediocre Sort-Of Relationship Is Worth Sacrificing Everything For

Funny story: New Year's Revelation! New York Woman Realizes Mediocre Sort-Of Relationship Is Worth Sacrificing Everything For

At the age of 33, Giselle Watson of New York City was still single, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why. "Actually, that's not quite true," Giselle admits now with an embarrassed smile, catching herself in her own lie. "I'd let my...

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Nashville Man Experiences What He's Pretty Sure Is a Feeling

Funny story: Nashville Man Experiences What He's Pretty Sure Is a Feeling

Late yesterday afternoon, East Nashville resident Gregg Pardon experienced a markedly unpleasant tingling sensation deep in his gut, which he tentatively believes to have been a feeling. "I can't verify 100 percent," stated Pardon, "but based on s...

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Diet of the Millennium? Unethical Veganism Overtakes Paleo (and Gluten-Free)

Funny story: Diet of the Millennium? Unethical Veganism Overtakes Paleo (and Gluten-Free)

Decades following the publication of Australian philosopher Peter Singer's landmark treatise Animal Liberation, which prompted dozens (some say even hundreds) of morally-conscious Americans to adopt a vegan lifestyle for ethical reasons, experts have...

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FDA Sounds Health Alarm: Nearly 25 Percent of Americans Are Pathologically Fit and Trim

Funny story: FDA Sounds Health Alarm: Nearly 25 Percent of Americans Are Pathologically Fit and Trim

Late last night, the Food and Drug Administration issued a public health advisory, warning that nearly 25 percent of Americans are pathologically fit and trim - victims of the newly-coined disorder known as "hyper-healthism." "We're at a turning p...

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"Mmm, Tofurky!" Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week Before Thanksgiving

Funny story: "Mmm, Tofurky!" Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week Before Thanksgiving

Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...

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"Mmmm, Tofurky!' Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week before Thanksgiving

Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...

Read full story View '"Mmmm, Tofurky!' Pleads Desperate Turkey in Final Week before Thanksgiving'

Trump Dismisses Onion Stories on Presidential Election and Trump Genitals as "Fake News"

Funny story: Trump Dismisses Onion Stories on Presidential Election and Trump Genitals as "Fake News"

Newly inaugurated United States President Donald Trump recently dismissed a series of articles published The Onion on the subject of Trump, his election, and the state of his genitals as "fake news, crafted by a bunch of nasty, mean-spirited bullies.

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Dixit? Newly Appointed UN Ambassador Nikki Haley Announces South Carolina Secession from European Union

Funny story: Dixit? Newly Appointed UN Ambassador Nikki Haley Announces South Carolina Secession from European Union

Following Donald Trump's appointment of South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley as the United States ambassador to the United Nations, Governor Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a m...

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West Virginia Family Torn Asunder by Son's Hobo Dreams

Funny story: West Virginia Family Torn Asunder by Son's Hobo Dreams

Eight-year-old Jack Strait of Morgantown, West Virginia, isn't overly concerned about the worsening economic downturn or rising college tuition rates; he's got another career option in mind. Jack recently informed his parents that he intends to be a...

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Donald Trump Favored to Win New York City Marathon

Funny story: Donald Trump Favored to Win New York City Marathon

The plethora of media coverage Donald Trump has garnered in his feisty presidential campaign appears to have yielded some rather unexpected results; polls now show that Trump is not only neck-and-neck with Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton in the...

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Bernie Sanders Kills It On Colbert with His Deadpan "Endorsement" of Hillary Clinton

Funny story: Bernie Sanders Kills It On Colbert with His Deadpan "Endorsement" of Hillary Clinton

In a rare foray into entertainment media, Bernie Sanders brought down the house on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert with his deadpan "endorsement" of former political rival Hillary Clinton in her campaign for the presidency. "Hillary Clinton wil...

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New York City Cockroach Finally Gets His Own Apartment

Funny story: New York City Cockroach Finally Gets His Own Apartment

After a lifetime of couch-surfing, squatting in abandoned tenements, and even sleeping in overflowing trash bins when he couldn't find some sympathetic soul to put him up, New York City cockroach Chuck Felsin has finally gotten his own apartment.

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The South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union

Funny story: The South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union

Following a hotly contested statewide referendum, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a margin of over eighty-six percent, had voted to secede from t...

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Clinton Campaign Message Not to Elect a "Narcissistic Sociopath" Leaves Many Voters Confused

Funny story: Clinton Campaign Message Not to Elect a "Narcissistic Sociopath" Leaves Many Voters Confused

With less than a week to go before the election, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stepped up the aggressiveness of her campaign messaging in an effort to ensure the defeat of Republican presidential rival Donald Trump, urging voters,...

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Bernie Sanders Brings Down the House with His Deadpan "Endorsement" of Hillary Clinton at Democratic National Convention

Funny story: Bernie Sanders Brings Down the House with His Deadpan "Endorsement" of Hillary Clinton at Democratic National Convention

Vermont senator Bernie Sanders struggled to keep a straight face at the Democratic National Convention as he reiterated his "endorsement" of former political rival Hillary Clinton in her campaign for the presidency. "Hillary Clinton will make an o...

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Crooked Hill? Questionable Contributions to Clinton Foundation from Foreign Governments - and Bernie Sanders!

Funny story: Crooked Hill? Questionable Contributions to Clinton Foundation from Foreign Governments - and Bernie Sanders!

The Clinton Foundation, which, during Hillary Rodham Clinton's tenure as secretary of state, accepted millions of dollars from such conflict-ridden, human-rights-challenged foreign governments as Kuwait, Qatar, and Algeria, has reportedly received an...

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The Singularity Is HERE! Monsanto Produces First Genetically Modified Human - Who/Which Bears Remarkable Resemblance to Average American Male

Funny story: The Singularity Is HERE! Monsanto Produces First Genetically Modified Human - Who/Which Bears Remarkable Resemblance to Average American Male

Scientists everywhere agree that technology is progressing at an exponential rate and that, ultimately, biology and technology will fully and irrevocably merge - a phenomenon many have termed the "singularity." What's been hotly debated, however, is...

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Mind-Blowing New Study Reveals Link Between Poverty and Depression

Funny story: Mind-Blowing New Study Reveals Link Between Poverty and Depression

A mind-blowing new study, The Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, recently revealed a link between poverty and depression, reporting that people living in poverty are actually twice as likely to be depressed as those who are able to provide for their...

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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