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Funny story: Seven-way bare-knuckle fighting to replace political debate

Seven-way bare-knuckle fighting to replace political debate

The UK general election is only four months away, and TV companies are gagging for an exciting televised showdown between the main contenders. But instead of a debate, there is to be a bare-knuckle fight between all seven of the main party leaders, b...
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Funny story: Elton John to blame for white rhino extinction

Elton John to blame for white rhino extinction

The white rhino is now effectively extinct. The last female is no longer able to reproduce, and it's all Elton John's fault. In November, Mr John was on holiday visiting the Um Bongo game reserve in Kenya with his husband David Furnish, when he pa...
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Funny story: UKIP to become a religion

UKIP to become a religion

Oddball anti-European vote-rigging outfit UKIP have announced that as of next Monday, they will no longer be just a political party. They have registered to become an official religion in the UK as well. The group will still stand in the upcoming...
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Funny story: Religious nuts bomb art gallery

Religious nuts bomb art gallery

Members of a sun-worshipping cult called the Followers of Ra have bombed the Sinom Hairball Art Gallery in London today. Nobody was injured, but a number of paintings were completely or partially destroyed. The leader of the group, Jemery Madd, cl...
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Funny story: Useless Gadget Show Returns

Useless Gadget Show Returns

This week, the annual F***ing Useless Gadget Show (FUGS) has been held in Las Vegas, with companies from around the world exhibiting the latest useless products they desperately want you to buy. I went down there to have a look, says roving reporter...
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Funny story: Politically correct play slammed

Politically correct play slammed

A new play which hit the West End of London this week has been raising attention for all the wrong reasons. Critics claim that "The Vikings" suffers from excessive political correctness. Theatre reviewer Assy Watson complained, "It's bonkers! Ther...
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Funny story: 1970s cop films to make a return

1970s cop films to make a return

2015 is looking to be a bumper year at the box office. Not only is there the prequel to Harry Potter to look forward to (entitled The Young Harry Potter), but there is also the sequel to The Hobbit franchise, Tolkien The Piss. Cop films with a 197...
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Funny story: Government wants "creative" budget cuts

Government wants "creative" budget cuts

Following recent budget cuts, Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that whoever wins the general election in May will have no money to spend at all. He said that councils and government departments would need to fend for themselves and he encour...
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Funny story: Success of UKIP exposes weaknesses in democracy

Success of UKIP exposes weaknesses in democracy

A group of leading academics have attacked UKIP, saying that the fringe party should not be allowed to stand for election. Political scientist Alec Sean said that UKIP was a perfect example of how politics is being devalued. He explained, "UKIP ha...
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Funny story: Food banking crisis worsens

Food banking crisis worsens

In the last year food banks in the UK have increased lending four-fold, and now owe a debt greater than the value of the food banks themselves. Other countries have similar problems, but the UK is the centre of the European food banking industry. Con...
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Funny story: Hawking warns AI could destroy humanity

Hawking warns AI could destroy humanity

Demented half-cyborg boffin Professor Stephen Hawking has claimed that one day, possibly soon, artificial intelligence could destroy humanity. The drooling brainbox insisted that if we continue to develop ever more powerful robots and computers, then...
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Funny story: Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

In a shock report from the University of Novosibirsk, Russia, it has been found that just 1% of Russian brown bears now own 60% of territory in the country. Inequality of bear wealth has increased sharply since the fall of communism. The report gi...
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Funny story: Kippers flounder over Euro-footy plaices

Kippers flounder over Euro-footy plaices

Nigel Farage has always been more of a coelacanth - an extinct fossil - than a bream come true. But now his "whaling" threatens the flying fish of his populist campaign as a cod-right winger. But enough fishy metaphors. UKIP members - commonly ref...
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Funny story: "Hello Ian" celebrated around the world

"Hello Ian" celebrated around the world

Millions of people have been taking part in special events and parties to raise awareness of Ians everywhere, and to say hello to them. From Ian McCaskill to Ian Botham, from Ian Krankie to Ian Duncan Smith, all of them are remembered today. "Hell...
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Funny story: Golf courses an endangered habitat, says UN

Golf courses an endangered habitat, says UN

A United Nations environmental report has highlighted the shocking statistic that the world has lost almost half of its golf courses since 1960. Every day, an area of golf courses the size of Wales becomes abandoned and left for the untamed forces of...
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Funny story: Premier League football to feature sealions from next year

Premier League football to feature sealions from next year

In a move that may alienate more traditional fans but is sure to increase the popularity of the game, the Football Association is to allow clubs to sign sealions to replace human players starting from the 2015-2016 season. Sealions are pinnipeds w...
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Funny story: Arse dentists recommend brushing your arse twice a day

Arse dentists recommend brushing your arse twice a day

Most people hope they will never have to visit the arse dentist - in a recent survey, up to 40% of British people denied that they even exist. But for a significant proportion of older people, it is an inevitability. Teeth can protude from the an...
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Funny story: Pulled pork to be banned (sort of)

Pulled pork to be banned (sort of)

The UK Food Organisation (UFO) has made a recommendation to the government to ban pulled pork, or at least the naming of it. Food inspectors from Food UK (FUK) have complained to UFO that the term is being widely misused and could lead to the spread...
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Breaking News...

Massive Snow Storm Misses New York City - City Shuts Down

A MONSTER storm packing blizzard conditions spun by the elite East Coast media failed to live up to the hype, but New York City shut down anyway.
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