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Funny story: Food banking crisis worsens

Food banking crisis worsens

In the last year food banks in the UK have increased lending four-fold, and now owe a debt greater than the value of the food banks themselves. Other countries have similar problems, but the UK is the centre of the European food banking industry. Con...
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Funny story: Hawking warns AI could destroy humanity

Hawking warns AI could destroy humanity

Demented half-cyborg boffin Professor Stephen Hawking has claimed that one day, possibly soon, artificial intelligence could destroy humanity. The drooling brainbox insisted that if we continue to develop ever more powerful robots and computers, then...
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Funny story: Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

In a shock report from the University of Novosibirsk, Russia, it has been found that just 1% of Russian brown bears now own 60% of territory in the country. Inequality of bear wealth has increased sharply since the fall of communism. The report gi...
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Funny story: Kippers flounder over Euro-footy plaices

Kippers flounder over Euro-footy plaices

Nigel Farage has always been more of a coelacanth - an extinct fossil - than a bream come true. But now his "whaling" threatens the flying fish of his populist campaign as a cod-right winger. But enough fishy metaphors. UKIP members - commonly ref...
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Funny story: "Hello Ian" celebrated around the world

"Hello Ian" celebrated around the world

Millions of people have been taking part in special events and parties to raise awareness of Ians everywhere, and to say hello to them. From Ian McCaskill to Ian Botham, from Ian Krankie to Ian Duncan Smith, all of them are remembered today. "Hell...
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Funny story: Golf courses an endangered habitat, says UN

Golf courses an endangered habitat, says UN

A United Nations environmental report has highlighted the shocking statistic that the world has lost almost half of its golf courses since 1960. Every day, an area of golf courses the size of Wales becomes abandoned and left for the untamed forces of...
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Funny story: Premier League football to feature sealions from next year

Premier League football to feature sealions from next year

In a move that may alienate more traditional fans but is sure to increase the popularity of the game, the Football Association is to allow clubs to sign sealions to replace human players starting from the 2015-2016 season. Sealions are pinnipeds w...
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Funny story: Arse dentists recommend brushing your arse twice a day

Arse dentists recommend brushing your arse twice a day

Most people hope they will never have to visit the arse dentist - in a recent survey, up to 40% of British people denied that they even exist. But for a significant proportion of older people, it is an inevitability. Teeth can protude from the an...
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Funny story: Pulled pork to be banned (sort of)

Pulled pork to be banned (sort of)

The UK Food Organisation (UFO) has made a recommendation to the government to ban pulled pork, or at least the naming of it. Food inspectors from Food UK (FUK) have complained to UFO that the term is being widely misused and could lead to the spread...
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Funny story: Bananas: from superfood to deadly killer

Bananas: from superfood to deadly killer

Bananas - once hailed as a wonderfood which could cure anything from hunger to diabetes, have been criticised for being one of the most deadly products in the world. That is according to new research by Professor Eric Mousa of the University of Oxbri...
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Funny story: Ham-fisted idea becomes a reality

Ham-fisted idea becomes a reality

A British man has become the first person in the world to undergo a revolutionary new form of surgery to restore his hands, which were horrifically destroyed years ago while he was wrestling a wild boar. Manuel Trotter, 45, of Scunthorpe, now has mec...
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Funny story: World War I commemorations "will be over by Christmas"

World War I commemorations "will be over by Christmas"

Official commemorations for the centenary of the beginning of World War I are being held this weekend in Sarajevo, with a re-enactment of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Following that, large-scale memorial events will be held in B...
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Funny story: Manchester United still number one

Manchester United still number one

Five o'clock in the afternoon every weekday is an important time for any football fan. As the closing bell rings in London's Stock Exchange, they rush home to look up their team and see how they have fared in the day's trading. This week Manchester U...
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Funny story: Aliens in World Cup Probe

Aliens in World Cup Probe

Aliens from the distant planet of Tharg have officially protested to FIFA that they were not invited to the 2014 football World Cup currently taking place in Brazil. A spokesman for the green-skinned race of decapods said, "We were very sad not to...
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Funny story: Welsh operations on the rise

Welsh operations on the rise

It has become the most popular surgery in the UK, and is now widely available on the NHS, to the shock of tabloid editors all over the country. So why are we all having to fork out for Brits to have an operation to become Welsh? Gryffythyth Thejon...
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Funny story: Museum celebrates pioneer in fetishwear

Museum celebrates pioneer in fetishwear

The London Museum of Antiquarian Sexology in Bushey is hosting an exhibition of the life and works of Herbert Gimp, Victorian inventor of the gimp mask. Mr Gimp is a little known figure, whose pioneering work in the S&M community paved the way...
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Funny story: Titanic iceberg discovered

Titanic iceberg discovered

An iceberg has been spotted which can truly be described as "Titanic". Not because it has any connection to the famously unsinkable ship, but because it was seen on the moon Titan. Titan is a moon of Saturn, and it has an atmosphere and oceans rat...
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Funny story: They think it's all over - it is now!

They think it's all over - it is now!

England are out of the World Cup, after crashing to defeat for a second time, losing 2-1 to Uruguay. Other results also conspired against them, and for the first time in World Cup history they will exit before reaching the knockout stages. Coach R...
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Breaking News...

Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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