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Funny story: Putin warns Ukraine, "Watch your steppe"

Putin warns Ukraine, "Watch your steppe"

Russian President Vladimir Putin warned Ukraine and its Western allies against supporting any further actions in the ongoing non-conflict between the two former Soviet nations. Putin complained that enemy forces had already attacked Russian forces wi...
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Funny story: Labour promise to increase paternity pub time

Labour promise to increase paternity pub time

In a shock move which may actually increase his popularity, Labour leader Ed Miliband has promised that if he wins the next election, he will increase the amount of pub-time for new fathers from two weeks to four weeks. It is sure to be a popular...
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Funny story: Robot fire station shut down

Robot fire station shut down

After a disastrous eight months, the world's first fully automated fire station in Dorking has had to close down. The station opened in the summer after the town's last fireman got stuck in a tree and died. In an attempt to cut costs and to showc...
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Funny story: Human remains found in Japanese beef

Human remains found in Japanese beef

A shock discovery of human flesh in a consignment of Japanese luxury beef has revealed a bizarre and disturbing trend among immigrants to the country that invented karaoke. Private detective Shiroki Homiru, 47, from Tokyo, was called when a local...
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Funny story: Dung-powered car factories pushing one out every minute

Dung-powered car factories pushing one out every minute

It is the future of motoring and it is here today. No doubt most drivers would sniff at a faeces-powered vehicle, but increasing numbers of customers are buying them. In the last year 10,000 were sold in the UK, where they are particularly popular am...
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Funny story: Parties target bloated voters

Parties target bloated voters

When it comes to marginal seats, noone knows more than fat people. That's why in the upcoming election, the most sought-after votes are those of the overweight. The plump form a huge demographic, literally. Studies show that 58% of the UK populati...
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Funny story: Seven-way bare-knuckle fighting to replace political debate

Seven-way bare-knuckle fighting to replace political debate

The UK general election is only four months away, and TV companies are gagging for an exciting televised showdown between the main contenders. But instead of a debate, there is to be a bare-knuckle fight between all seven of the main party leaders, b...
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Funny story: Elton John to blame for white rhino extinction

Elton John to blame for white rhino extinction

The white rhino is now effectively extinct. The last female is no longer able to reproduce, and it's all Elton John's fault. In November, Mr John was on holiday visiting the Um Bongo game reserve in Kenya with his husband David Furnish, when he pa...
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Funny story: UKIP to become a religion

UKIP to become a religion

Oddball anti-European vote-rigging outfit UKIP have announced that as of next Monday, they will no longer be just a political party. They have registered to become an official religion in the UK as well. The group will still stand in the upcoming...
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Funny story: Religious nuts bomb art gallery

Religious nuts bomb art gallery

Members of a sun-worshipping cult called the Followers of Ra have bombed the Sinom Hairball Art Gallery in London today. Nobody was injured, but a number of paintings were completely or partially destroyed. The leader of the group, Jemery Madd, cl...
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Funny story: Useless Gadget Show Returns

Useless Gadget Show Returns

This week, the annual F***ing Useless Gadget Show (FUGS) has been held in Las Vegas, with companies from around the world exhibiting the latest useless products they desperately want you to buy. I went down there to have a look, says roving reporter...
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Funny story: Politically correct play slammed

Politically correct play slammed

A new play which hit the West End of London this week has been raising attention for all the wrong reasons. Critics claim that "The Vikings" suffers from excessive political correctness. Theatre reviewer Assy Watson complained, "It's bonkers! Ther...
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Funny story: 1970s cop films to make a return

1970s cop films to make a return

2015 is looking to be a bumper year at the box office. Not only is there the prequel to Harry Potter to look forward to (entitled The Young Harry Potter), but there is also the sequel to The Hobbit franchise, Tolkien The Piss. Cop films with a 197...
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Funny story: Government wants "creative" budget cuts

Government wants "creative" budget cuts

Following recent budget cuts, Prime Minister David Cameron has admitted that whoever wins the general election in May will have no money to spend at all. He said that councils and government departments would need to fend for themselves and he encour...
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Funny story: Success of UKIP exposes weaknesses in democracy

Success of UKIP exposes weaknesses in democracy

A group of leading academics have attacked UKIP, saying that the fringe party should not be allowed to stand for election. Political scientist Alec Sean said that UKIP was a perfect example of how politics is being devalued. He explained, "UKIP ha...
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Funny story: Food banking crisis worsens

Food banking crisis worsens

In the last year food banks in the UK have increased lending four-fold, and now owe a debt greater than the value of the food banks themselves. Other countries have similar problems, but the UK is the centre of the European food banking industry. Con...
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Funny story: Hawking warns AI could destroy humanity

Hawking warns AI could destroy humanity

Demented half-cyborg boffin Professor Stephen Hawking has claimed that one day, possibly soon, artificial intelligence could destroy humanity. The drooling brainbox insisted that if we continue to develop ever more powerful robots and computers, then...
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Funny story: Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

In a shock report from the University of Novosibirsk, Russia, it has been found that just 1% of Russian brown bears now own 60% of territory in the country. Inequality of bear wealth has increased sharply since the fall of communism. The report gi...
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Ancient Hercules statue returning to Italy 2,500 years after theft

Damn Etruscan thieves sentenced to 12 months community service after pleading guilty to smash and grab
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