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Funny story: Premier League football to feature sealions from next year

Premier League football to feature sealions from next year

In a move that may alienate more traditional fans but is sure to increase the popularity of the game, the Football Association is to allow clubs to sign sealions to replace human players starting from the 2015-2016 season. Sealions are pinnipeds w...
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Funny story: Arse dentists recommend brushing your arse twice a day

Arse dentists recommend brushing your arse twice a day

Most people hope they will never have to visit the arse dentist - in a recent survey, up to 40% of British people denied that they even exist. But for a significant proportion of older people, it is an inevitability. Teeth can protude from the an...
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Funny story: Pulled pork to be banned (sort of)

Pulled pork to be banned (sort of)

The UK Food Organisation (UFO) has made a recommendation to the government to ban pulled pork, or at least the naming of it. Food inspectors from Food UK (FUK) have complained to UFO that the term is being widely misused and could lead to the spread...
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Funny story: Bananas: from superfood to deadly killer

Bananas: from superfood to deadly killer

Bananas - once hailed as a wonderfood which could cure anything from hunger to diabetes, have been criticised for being one of the most deadly products in the world. That is according to new research by Professor Eric Mousa of the University of Oxbri...
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Funny story: Ham-fisted idea becomes a reality

Ham-fisted idea becomes a reality

A British man has become the first person in the world to undergo a revolutionary new form of surgery to restore his hands, which were horrifically destroyed years ago while he was wrestling a wild boar. Manuel Trotter, 45, of Scunthorpe, now has mec...
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Funny story: World War I commemorations "will be over by Christmas"

World War I commemorations "will be over by Christmas"

Official commemorations for the centenary of the beginning of World War I are being held this weekend in Sarajevo, with a re-enactment of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Following that, large-scale memorial events will be held in B...
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Funny story: Manchester United still number one

Manchester United still number one

Five o'clock in the afternoon every weekday is an important time for any football fan. As the closing bell rings in London's Stock Exchange, they rush home to look up their team and see how they have fared in the day's trading. This week Manchester U...
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Funny story: Aliens in World Cup Probe

Aliens in World Cup Probe

Aliens from the distant planet of Tharg have officially protested to FIFA that they were not invited to the 2014 football World Cup currently taking place in Brazil. A spokesman for the green-skinned race of decapods said, "We were very sad not to...
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Funny story: Welsh operations on the rise

Welsh operations on the rise

It has become the most popular surgery in the UK, and is now widely available on the NHS, to the shock of tabloid editors all over the country. So why are we all having to fork out for Brits to have an operation to become Welsh? Gryffythyth Thejon...
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Funny story: Museum celebrates pioneer in fetishwear

Museum celebrates pioneer in fetishwear

The London Museum of Antiquarian Sexology in Bushey is hosting an exhibition of the life and works of Herbert Gimp, Victorian inventor of the gimp mask. Mr Gimp is a little known figure, whose pioneering work in the S&M community paved the way...
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Funny story: Titanic iceberg discovered

Titanic iceberg discovered

An iceberg has been spotted which can truly be described as "Titanic". Not because it has any connection to the famously unsinkable ship, but because it was seen on the moon Titan. Titan is a moon of Saturn, and it has an atmosphere and oceans rat...
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Funny story: They think it's all over - it is now!

They think it's all over - it is now!

England are out of the World Cup, after crashing to defeat for a second time, losing 2-1 to Uruguay. Other results also conspired against them, and for the first time in World Cup history they will exit before reaching the knockout stages. Coach R...
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Funny story: Man convinces panel that he is a computer

Man convinces panel that he is a computer

It is an astonishing milestone in computing. For the first time, a human being has passed the Tuping test, in which one must persuade a panel of judges that he is in fact a robot. The victorious man, Colin Cement, 46, of Dorking, is by day a street p...
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Funny story: World Cup 2014 - Who Will Win?

World Cup 2014 - Who Will Win?

With only one week to go until the beginning of the World Cup in Brazil, we take a look at which teams have the best chance of winning the tournament. It is sure to be a feast of football, with plenty of tasty matches to look forward to, so let's tuc...
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Funny story: TheSpoof to be delivered directly to Martians

TheSpoof to be delivered directly to Martians

British Space Engineering (BSE) have announced that they will be sending a rocket to Mars, in order to detect whether there is any life on the barren planet. The mission was first planned in 1979, but has only recently completed construction. As such...
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Funny story: All prisons in Europe may close

All prisons in Europe may close

A convicted criminal has made an astonishing complaint to the European Court of Human Rights, on the grounds that being in prison infringes his basic human rights. Barry Knuckles, a lifelong petty crook and infamous thug, was jailed for the attemp...
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Funny story: Fancy dress Nazis strike again

Fancy dress Nazis strike again

A group of men were expelled from a 1940s themed village fete in Sussex this week for dressing in Nazi uniforms. Although the men protested that they were merely living up to the fete's expectations by dressing in period clothes, the organisers were...
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Funny story: More faith schools to be built or converted

More faith schools to be built or converted

The government has announced that the number of faith schools in the UK is to be massively increased, in an attempt to placate vocal religious groups who are demanding more control over their childrens' education. Religious fanatic the Archbishop...
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Breaking News...

Bill Clinton: U. S. can't win ground war vs. Iraq

Bill Clinton insists the U. S. armed forces cannot win a land war against Iraq "or any other country, no matter how many booties are on the ground, because there are too many gays in the military."

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