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Area Man Makes Drunken Pilgrimage To Best Friend's Couch

Funny story: Area Man Makes Drunken Pilgrimage To Best Friend's Couch

CHICAGO--Local man Dan Welsh, 22, recently completed a night-long dream of his to drunkenly stumble all the way across town in the hopes of crashing on his best friend Jim's hand-me-down purple leather couch. Mr. Welsh, a recent University of Illi...

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Paul McCartney Stubbornly Refusing To Boost Album Sales By 'Dying'

Funny story: Paul McCartney Stubbornly Refusing To Boost Album Sales By 'Dying'

LONDON--Despite the postmortem album sales success of such musicians as Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson, former Beatles frontman Paul McCartney is flat-out refusing to help increase the pop group's album sales by simply ending his own life. "P...

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Gang War Breaks Out In Wake Of Coachella, Hologram Tupac Found Dead

Funny story: Gang War Breaks Out In Wake Of Coachella, Hologram Tupac Found Dead

INDIO, CA--In what has once again shocked music-lovers the world over, hologram Tupac Shakur was found dead as a result of a violent East coast/West coast rap battle following the now infamous Coachella music festival. The hologram rapper, who's s...

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Area Man's Leg Dies In Its Sleep

Funny story: Area Man's Leg Dies In Its Sleep

WABASHA, MN-Brett Konsky, 46, went to bed Saturday night thinking everything in his comfortable, if not boring life was going along rather uneventfully. That all changed early Sunday morning when Brett awoke to find he had no feeling at all in hi...

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North Korea Admits Giant Firework Was A Dud

Funny story: North Korea Admits Giant Firework Was A Dud

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA--In a rare and unprecedented move, North Korean officials have been forced to admit that their 90-ton firework was a complete and utter dud. The entertainment device, which North Korea has assured the world was the largest a...

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Serial Rater Goes On Bloody One-Star Rampage

SAINT PAUL, MN--In what police have described as "a complete waste of our time," local spoof writer Greg Johnson has reportedly gone on a blood-filled, one-starring rampage, leaving an estimated 17 articles in his wake. "We have no idea why he did...

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Toyota Recalls 4.2 Million Vehicles Over Faulty Cup Holders

Funny story: Toyota Recalls 4.2 Million Vehicles Over Faulty Cup Holders

WASHINGTON-Toyota Motor Corp. said Tuesday it will recall 4.2 million vehicles in the United States, the company's largest-ever U.S. recall, to address problems with normal-sized cup holders that could result in oversized drinks spilling and lead...

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Father Goose Reportedly Back In Picture

Funny story: Father Goose Reportedly Back In Picture

BOSTON--Sources close to the family are reporting that Father Goose, who left to go get breadcrumbs six years ago and didn't return, is finally back in the picture. "We couldn't be happier!" exclaimed Mother Goose, author of such classic children'...

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Cougars Upset Over Amount Of Unwanted Attention The MILF Market Has Brought Them

Funny story: Cougars Upset Over Amount Of Unwanted Attention The MILF Market Has Brought Them

ISSAQUAH, WA-Cougars, long since held as nature's third coolest cat (behind lions and tigers, respectively), have recently come into a bit of an identity crisis. This is due in large part to the recent branding of 40-somethings who romantically t...

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Doomsday "Prophet" Harold Camping Postpones Rapture To October 21, 20-*Cough Cough*

Funny story: Doomsday "Prophet" Harold Camping Postpones Rapture To October 21, 20-*Cough Cough*

ALAMEDA, CA-In the wake of his failed prediction of a May 21, 2011 world end date, Harold Camping took to his radio show to inform the people that the world would now end on October 21, 20-HUHK HUHK HUHK, HUHK HUHK, HUHK HUHK. Camping made it cle...

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Controversial Radio Show Pits Teens In A Fight To The Death For Tickets To The Premiere Of The Hunger Games

Funny story: Controversial Radio Show Pits Teens In A Fight To The Death For Tickets To The Premiere Of The Hunger Games

JONESBORO, AR--As anticipation for the long-waited movie adaptation of Suzanne Collins' bestselling novel The Hunger Games reached a fever pitch on Monday, local Arkansas radio station 100.5 FM The Eagle knew it had to take advantage of this incredib...

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Archaeologists Discover French Toast Flavored Pop-Tarts

Funny story: Archaeologists Discover French Toast Flavored Pop-Tarts

NEVADA-In what is already being hailed around the world as the find of the century, a team of archaeologists in Nevada have discovered the previously believed-to-be-extinct flavor of French Toast Pop-Tarts on a local grocery store shelf. Dr. Doug...

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Broncos Fans Prepare To Transition From Ironically Claiming Their Quarterback Is The Best To Just Plain Meaning It

Funny story: Broncos Fans Prepare To Transition From Ironically Claiming Their Quarterback Is The Best To Just Plain Meaning It

DENVER--Ever since the sports world was rocked by the signing of superstar Peyton Manning by the Broncos a few days ago, Denver fans across the country were left to wonder just how they were expected to handle such shocking news. "I suppose we sho...

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Older Person Did Things Drastically Different When He Was The Age Of A Younger Person

Funny story: Older Person Did Things Drastically Different When He Was The Age Of A Younger Person

CINCINATTI, OH-Local old man Carl Jacobson has reportedly done next to nothing in the same way as his grandson Peter did when he was his ripe young age of 14. Whether due to the limited technologies of the time, economic hardships, or simply a re...

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Area Man Happy To Once Again Not Be Irish

Funny story: Area Man Happy To Once Again Not Be Irish

BOSTON-While hoards of inebriated partygoers celebrated the inconsequentially misunderstood holiday of St. Patrick's Day behind him, Boston native and resident sour puss Jerry Doogan, slowly sipped his pint of Guinness at the bar of the Squealing...

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24-Year-Old Hasn't A Clue What He Did Before Internet Browser Tabs

Funny story: 24-Year-Old Hasn't A Clue What He Did Before Internet Browser Tabs

NEW YORK-In an unparalleled display of mental lapse, local 24-year-old Rick Floyter admits he has absolutely no clue what he did before the browser tab. "I suppose I used separate windows, but I really can't be sure," he said. Tabs have been arou...

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Man Quits Job To Spend More Time With Netflix Queue

Funny story: Man Quits Job To Spend More Time With Netflix Queue

DES MOINES, IA-Area man Daniel Hammond has, according to sources, left his job as a soft drink vendor in order to stay at home and spend more time with his growing Netflix Queue. Hammond, 29, began his subscription two years ago, when his wife ca...

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Tiger Woods Could Be Extinct In 12 Years If Unprotected

Funny story: Tiger Woods Could Be Extinct In 12 Years If Unprotected

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia-Tiger Woods could become extinct in 12 years if companies he's still a spokesperson for fail to take quick action to protect their image and step up the fight against infidelity, global celeb experts told a "Tiger summit" S...

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Breaking news…

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.
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