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Redknapp in Tevez fear

Fears have arisen today about what would happen if Harry Redknapp, self confessed "ungreediest man in Britain" should encounter his arch nemesis and the most lazy and greediest bastard alive , Carlos Tevez, in the confines of a football stadium.

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Bonham-Carter takes the plunge

Helena Bonham-Carter, oddball actress and part-time scarecrow has finally taken the plunge... straight into her avocado corner suite. After years of "Will she? Won't she?" Helena has dusted off her taps and taken her first bath in years!...

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Madonna buys Malawi

Madonna has reportedly bought Malawi and is in meetings at present to discuss the best way available to dismantle the country and ship it across the Atlantic. Then the complicated task of rebuilding the new Malawi will begin, including a new name. "...

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Stars in poaching risk

Many celebrities are being stalked, not by the typical autograph hunter but by an international group of highly trained poachers. Their sole aim is to kill when a chance arises and to harvest their lucrative treasures. Human ivory, is found in...

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Prince Charles solves food shortage

A man who left school with no qualifications of worth and has hardly ever worked in his life, told Phillip Schofield on yesterday's "This Morning" show that he has a solution to cannibal food shortages. Prince Charles felt he had to go on the s...

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Ronnie Wood is walking corpse

Rumours suggesting that ageing rocker Ronnie Wood 98, won't be ageing anymore. An undercover video recording has appeared on the internet, filmed by a reporter having an "off the record" conversation with a former employee of Wood's. Anthon...

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Bermondsey cats and dogs home bought by Korean partners

World renowned Bermondsey cats and dogs home has been rescued at the last minute from certain bankruptcy, after huge debts would have closed the centre within weeks and that would have meant certain death for all the animal residents. Luckily,...

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Redknapp in shock transfer to play Bagpuss in new TV drama series

Alleged tax fiddler and self-confessed ungreediest man in Britain is leaving Tottenham in the next few weeks to take up a role in a new TV drama. He has been pencilled in by top bosses to play Bagpuss, the saggy old cloth cat in an upcoming...

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Denise Welch reveals her ambitions

Funny story: Denise Welch reveals her ambitions

Recent Big Brother winner, Denice Welch, 53, has stated her intent to sleep with everybody in Britain before she reaches her 60th birthday. Already a quarter of the way through, she says she intends to complete her quest and then divorce her long su...

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Tom Cruise tried to steal my legs

Nicole Kidman has spoken out for the first time about her failed marriage to the strange Scientologist and closet queen Tom Cruise. She describes in detail the humiliation and odd requests that actor Tom would make to her every day. Poor ginger...

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Breaking news…

Blue tits, lavender tits, silicone tits!

Tea tree oils and lavender oil increase the size of male breasts scientists have discovered. Sorry ladies, a trip to Silicone Valley is still necessary for you!
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