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Inquiry Launched into Incredible Amount of Inquiries Being Launched

A government spokesperson announced within the last hour that an urgent Inquiry was to be set up to investigate the huge amount of inquiries being set up to investigate anything and everything these days. He/she said that the Government had concer...

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Nobel Peace Prize Awarded to Planet Mars

In a surprise development Thursday the Scandinavian prize-giving concern Nobel bestowed its annual peace prize on the planet Mars. Nobel (motto "We Give Prizes") described the planet Mars in its citation as a "tremendous force for good in an otherwis...

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Romney Campaign in Crisis, says a Senior Insider

A senior figure inside Mitt Romney's faltering campaign for the Presidency said this morning "My - erm, I mean his - campaign has careered off the tracks, hit the buffers, gone over the edge." When asked by reporters to limit his argument to one r...

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Cruise/Holmes Settlement Finally Hammered Out as Tom Agrees to Keep The Beckhams

The divorce settlement between diminutive Hollywood heart-throb Tom Cruise and his unemployed wife Kate (nee Katie) Holmes - which had become increasingly acrimonious in recent days - was finally resolved late Sunday when Tom magnanimously agreed to...

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Chelsea Bid for Power Station as Defensive Crisis Mounts

Chelsea have lodged a "substantial" bid for the defunct Battersea power station as injuries and suspensions continue to decimate the heart of their defence. Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck revealed that the situation was increasingly becoming unsolvab...

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Belgian Man Sues Language School when Subliminal Speak German CD causes him to Invade Poland

Martin Krauthammer, a 41-year old Belgian national and middle-ranking functionary at the EU in Brussels, hoped in February that his career - and his unrequited love for German Chancellor Angela Merkel - could only be enhanced by learning to read and...

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Ryan Giggs to Play On for A Hundred More Years!

Ryan Giggs, the celebrated celebrity litigant and midfield maestro, has revealed to close friends and family that he wants to continue playing football until he is ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY! Giggs, a member of the much-vaunted Manchester United youth...

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Osmonds and Nolans square off on Republican Nominee Race

Two once-popular but long forgotten familial bands from the seventies, the Osmonds and the Nolans, have entered into a bizarre Twitter feud about their preferred Republican presidential nominees and their conflicting religiosities. The Osmonds fav...

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Oscar Watch Fever Pitch

As Oscar fever reaches fever pitch George Clooney has inflated himself with a potentially dangerous level of helium and is hovering several feet above Los Angeles spouting epithets. More surprisingly Brad Pitt, of whom nothing was expected, has ne...

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Fred the Shred Offers to Buy Rangers

Irresponsible Scots financier Fred Goodwin has lodged a bid with the club's administrators to buy Rangers. Fred, formerly Sir Fred, said in his shed that he had the funds to rescue the popular Unionist outfit from their current malaise. "I have -...

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Rangers in Increasingly Desperate Bid to Thwart Taxman

Rangers, the beleaguered, debt-ridden Scottish football giants appear to have devised a cunning but legally dubious plan to evade the close attentions of the UK tax authorities who claim they are owed two trillion pounds in back taxes and national in...

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Kelsey Grammar Sues David Cronenberg

Kelsey Grammar, the widely-adored and intellectual humorist, has filed a lawsuit with the Hollywood Supreme Court claiming that the widely-avoided and misanthropic director David Cronenberg has "totally ripped off" his popular and much-loved "Frasier...

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Blackburn Rovers are Becoming Ridiculous, says a Man

A man said earlier today that Blackburn Rovers, the much-loved northern soccer club, are becoming ridiculous. When pressed on his astonishing accusation the man, 45, said that every time they appear in the newspapers or on Sky Sports News, Blackbu...

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Condoleezza Rice Voted World's Sexiest Woman

Hot magazine's eagerly awaited annual survey of the world's sexiest women - which independent arbitrators have established has scientific value because it includes maths and stuff - has unexpectedly named former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice...

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Queen Stripped Of Title

The Queen, anachronistic monarch of the United Kingdom, has had her historical crown taken away from her by the Forfeiture Commitee. This little known and un-elected room-full of toffs - who the other day stripped poor old Fred Goodwin of his knig...

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Transfer Deadline Day: Liverpool sign Celtic

In one of the more unexpected transfer deadline day deals Liverpool have signed the entire playing squad, coaching staff and fan base of top Scottish club Glasgow Celtic. Kenny Dalglish, Liverpool manager and also one of Celtic's most legendary pl...

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Prime Minister admits Impotent Bewilderment at EU Guile

The UK Prime Minister David Cameron admitted to MPs during his statement this afternoon to the House of Commons on yesterday's EU emergency summit that he really had no idea how cunning and manipulative his European Union partners could be in circumv...

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European Union Installs Sir Jeremy Paxman as Greek Premier

In a surprise announcement at tonight's EU summit in Brussels Sir Jeremy Paxman - the popularly churlish BBC interrogator - has been appointed head of the Greek government. Head of the EU Mme Christine Lagarde said Sir Jeremy was the ideal candida...

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Breaking news…

Wallis Simpson And Meghan Markle

Somewhere in heaven, Wallis Simpson is smiling and applauding Meghan Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry: an American, an actress and a divorcee. Wow! Everything else is just sparkle. Smart guy, Harry.
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