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Funny story: Absoconding? Absolutely

Absoconding? Absolutely

Police in Dorset have confirmed that escaped convicted killer Jamie Frater "could be a danger to the public". Which was received with a resounding cry of "no shit dick heads". Jamie has already absconded twice from open prisons was allowed to retu...
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Funny story: Al Gore Guesses

Al Gore Guesses

Environmental campaigner and ex presidential candidate Al Gore has said he "hopes for the best" in President Trump (it will never not be hilarious writing that) and his attitude towards climate change. A subject that Mr Trump himself has dismissed as...
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Funny story: UKIP To Attack Seat

UKIP To Attack Seat

UKIP's new Battle Toad Paul Nuttall will stand in the Stoke on Trent By Election later this month. Mr Nuttall won leadership of the UKIP party after taking the heads of the nine other candidates in a Thunderdome challenge. Mr Nuttall, who looks l...
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Funny story: To Immigrate or Immigrant?

To Immigrate or Immigrant?

Australia has announced plans to relax immigration laws on Brits, which is ironic as the Brits have just pulled up their own personal drawbridge to Europe. Riding a kangaroo battle droid (one of several commissioned by the Australian armed forces)...
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Funny story: Asteroids V Brexiteers

Asteroids V Brexiteers

NASA has discovered two massive objects hurtling through space towards Earth. They reckon ones a comet but as one scientist says "We're fucked if we know what the other bastard thing is. The ship from Blakes 7?" Upon hearing that yet another forei...
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Funny story: Thunder Snow!

Thunder Snow!

The country is once again facing it's gravest threat. We the British people must stand strong and united in the face of such a unrelenting invasion! We are of course talking about the few days every year the entire country loses it's shit over some s...
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Funny story: This Morning's Rodent Removal

This Morning's Rodent Removal

A pesky rodent that had been terrorising the set of semi popular morning show "This Morning" has been caught. However Philip Schofield is still at large and truly capable of being a dick all on his own. The mouse, which is estimated (by us) to be 37...
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Funny story: Cat Pictures In Distress

Cat Pictures In Distress

Horror and childish shrieking broke out on the internet today and spread like smallpox round a unvaccinated American town. Someone had posted a picture of a cat and it only received three likes. With pictures of cats normally weighing in with around...
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Funny story: Scottish Football's Last Chance

Scottish Football's Last Chance

The swivelling bowel of corruption that is FIFA has farted out it's newest half baked after birth covered idea. The world cup will be expanded to 48 teams. The declaration which was nailed onto the drawbridge at fortress FIFA read that by 2022, like...
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Funny story: Sessions In Court

Sessions In Court

President elect, Donald Trump, new Attorney General, Jeff Sessions has had to rapidly deny that he has any KKK connections or sympathies. He seemed relaxed as he sat back in his high backed ivory chair and smiled. Sessions said: I can categoricall...
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Funny story: Coronation Street Crisis

Coronation Street Crisis

Coronation Street viewers are up in arms after some music played on the show was probably a little bit insensitive. Of course to hear the actual music you would have to turn the volume up to 150 and glue your ear to the speakers. Hundreds of peopl...
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Funny story: To Kill, or not to Kill: Kim Jong Un

To Kill, or not to Kill: Kim Jong Un

South Korea have admitted (what we all knew) that they have a special team trained and ready to go: To kill North Korean midget of evil Kim Jong Un. Despite the fact that he looks like the kid who would smugly answer all the questions in a Geograp...
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Funny story: NHS Bless This Mess

NHS Bless This Mess

The PM, Teresa May, emerged from her fortress of darkness to press upon the huddled masses that the NHS was not on the verge of a humanitarian crisis. The sky cracked with lightning and thunder rolled through the scene creating a atmosphere of malevo...
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Funny story: Let It Shite

Let It Shite

The BBC's latest singing talent show left many viewers confused over it's complicated format. Dozens of people with little else to do with their lives took to social media to complain about it. Gerald Smith said: What's all this about then? Mi...
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Funny story: TESCO PJ Problem

TESCO PJ Problem

A man has finally come out and exclaimed what were all nothing about your rash or what cream you should use. Fucks sake it's not all about you. He posted a picture of two women idily roaming through the giant food depositary that i...
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Funny story: The Problem With Pep

The Problem With Pep

After even more holes were shot into St Pep's wings by the incomparable lad Jamie Vardy (who celebrated his hat trick with two kebabs and a packet of Marlborough) we caught up with the Manchester City Maestro to find out what was going wrong. When...
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Funny story: Saudi Cash Injection

Saudi Cash Injection

According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the...
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Funny story: Liverpools Brexit Bounce

Liverpools Brexit Bounce

In a move that will infuriate Brexit supporters everywhere Liverpool are eying up the transfer of Iranian striker Sardar Azmoun from Russian side FC Rostov. Predictably the hard working British people have had their say on this national scandal.
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Feeling Old

I got the results back from my Telomere kit to find out how old I was in Teloyears, and discovered that I've been dead since 2007. Bummer.
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