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Funny story: Saudi Cash Injection

Saudi Cash Injection

According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the...
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Funny story: Liverpools Brexit Bounce

Liverpools Brexit Bounce

In a move that will infuriate Brexit supporters everywhere Liverpool are eying up the transfer of Iranian striker Sardar Azmoun from Russian side FC Rostov. Predictably the hard working British people have had their say on this national scandal.
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Funny story: Stokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock

Stokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock

Blackburn Rovers superstar striker Anthony Stokes has pleaded guilty to attacking an Elvis impersonator one night out in the ghetto. The 28 year old has was described as having a "wooden heart" by the prosecutor displayed a lack of empathy as he ente...
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Funny story: Messi's Manchester Mess

Messi's Manchester Mess

Lionel Messi will escape any punishment for his childish outburst after his side were comprehensively beaten by Arab club Manchester City. The Argentinean whinger was visibly upset when the referee refused to award Barcelona a penalty or send a o...
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Funny story: Killer Sock Puppets Fight On

Killer Sock Puppets Fight On

WAR! Make no mistake ladies and gentlemen we are at war. A proper one unlike those little kick abouts in Syria and Iraq. As we have been relentlessly reporting on the Sock Puppet Terrorisation (SPT) it has taken things to a new level. They have attac...
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Funny story: Sock Puppet Terror Again

Sock Puppet Terror Again

As sightings of potential Sock Puppet Terrorisation (SPT) steadily increase the desperate public are taking matters into their own hands. In the last three days: • A sock factory in Brigg was firebombed by panicked members of the ASA (Anti Sock Al...
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Funny story: Killer Sock Puppets: The Return

Killer Sock Puppets: The Return

An update in the horrific Sock Puppet Terrorisation (SPT) craze that has been sweeping two coastal towns. Police raided an address in Aldbourgh last night and confiscated over £50 in sock puppet making technology. No one was at the property but offic...
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Funny story: Killer Sock Puppets

Killer Sock Puppets

The "Killer Clown" craze that has been sweeping the nation (and led BATTL news to assault a children's entertainer this week) may not be the only costumed terror we have to worry about. Sightings of deranged sock puppets terrorising seaside commu...
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Funny story: Jessica Finished Hill

Jessica Finished Hill

One of Britain's all time great athletes has retired from her sport. Hetaopopolete Jessica Ennis Hill has walked away from her sport at the age of 31 probably saying something like "the real gold medal is family". Well probably. We don't know fo...
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Funny story: BATTL V Trump


We agreed at the beginning of our association with this site that we wouldn't tackle any issues that our commentary could inflame further. As such we have kept away from the hilarious cluster fuck that is Donald Trump's Presidential campaign. But aft...
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Funny story: Batman's Ginger Body Blow

Batman's Ginger Body Blow

Trouble was brewing in downtown Reading today after ginger activists stormed an independent comic book store demanding that "Batman's true colours be shown in the comic strip." The chromosome 16 challenged mob charged the building and took several...
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Funny story: Moscow Mashup

Moscow Mashup

Russian mafia boss Vladimir Putin has today declared that he is going to "fix" Turkey and Russia's relationship. He made the statement from a balcony overlooking thousands of Moscovites....Moscowellians....people in Moscow queuing up for a loaf of br...
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Funny story: The Pog Returns

The Pog Returns

In the most surprising move of the summers transfer window amateur rapper, style icon and part time footballer Paul Pogba has joined Manchester United in a word record £105million quid deal. The deal was finally pushed through in the early hours o...
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Funny story: Osborne v. the OBE

Osborne v. the OBE

So George Osborne is to receive a honour in Cameron's resignation honours list. Why anybody would want to receive a commendation from the Prime Minister who took us out of the European Union is beyond us but then again were not that educated. George,...
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Funny story: Midlands Muslim Mixup

Midlands Muslim Mixup

A Muslim woman was stopped at Doncaster airport yesterday after she was spotted reading a book of firsthand accounts from the Syrian conflict. Faizah Saheen was pulled aside into a separated area and questioned on why she was interested in the materi...
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Funny story: It's Grim For Grimshaw

It's Grim For Grimshaw

In the most careless display since Manchester United lost a 12 point lead to surrender the league title to Arsenal in 1997/98, startling figures have shown that Radio 1 has lost over a million listeners in the past year. Despite such entertaining fig...
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Funny story: Boko Haram Bites Back

Boko Haram Bites Back

In response to our exclusive piece on the Boko Haram leadership change, the old beady eyed leader Abubaker Shekau has launched a furious attack on his supposed replacement. But like most of Boko Haram's "furious attacks" it didn't really produce any...
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Funny story: No Interest In The Interest Rate

No Interest In The Interest Rate

The unthinkable has happened to our fair island and we're not talking about the three consecutive days of sun we've had. The UK has cut the interest rates to 0.25% we hit the streets and asked "normal" people what they thought about the cuts. Mike...
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Showing page 1 (of 11 pages)
Breaking News...

Holiday tips from Santa!

When interviewed, Santa clause was quoted saying "Remember, if you're going to jingle then please jingle all the way". So remember folks, Santa doesn't like a half-assed jingler.
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