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Baseball & Football Stars Recruit Kevin Durant - Birth of a New Big Three for the Celtics

In the beginning there was Bird, McHale, and Parrish. Thence came Garnett, Allen, and Pierce. Now the Moving Finger seemed about to write a new chapter of Big Guns. Though the Celtics were starting free agency looking like a candidate for the TV s...

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Contrary to Reports, Roger Goodell Lives!

Reports of Roger Goodell's death are greatly exaggerated. However, he has been brain dead for some time. Fans who checked his tomb found it empty. A member of his staff claimed, "He is risen," in the noonday sun, raising questions on whether Goodell...

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Ace in the Rotation?

Tom Brady posted his baseball card on Facebook this week. You never knew Tom was the choice of the Montreal Expos in '95? You never knew Montreal had a team called Expos? You never knew Tom played ball in 1895? Join the club. And we don't mean th...

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Tom Brady Wears Short Shorts

DATELINE: Boxers or Briefs? Amicus briefs are filling out the dirty laundry in jurisprudence. Tom Brady prefers Amicus briefs. The more obtuse football fans think Amicus briefs are what the Amish wear under their clothes. You may think that...

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Loki Trumps House at Casino

Funny story: Loki Trumps House at Casino

Loki Hiddleston is auditioning to be the next James Bond by starring as Pine/Birch, the mysterious agent in John LeCarre's The Night Manager. When House Laurie shows up at the Swiss hotel, the flakes fly and villainy clashes. A LeCarre miniseries...

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Gronk as Cover Boy Undercover

DATELINE: WESTERN WORLD --Rob Gronkowski has been put on the cover of GQ Magazine for June, and the cover of Madden mad sports for 2017. Cover boy is merely another sobriquet tossed before the Gigantica Pithicus of the Patriots. We can never becom...

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Tom Brady's Cookbook

DATELINE: From Hunger-- If you are a fan of Tom Brady and into nutrition, you are about to lose $200 worth of ugly wallet fat. Yes, Tom's new book on how to eat healthy will strip you of more than a few inflated calories. Already, starving minions...

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Inquiring Trump Wants to Know

DATELINE: THE GRASSY KNOLL IN DALLAS Just when was Lyin' Ted Cruz going to tell the American people that his father used to hang out with Lee Harvey Oswald? Oh, there is photographic evidence of their liaison. It has been clogging up archives for...

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Brady Goes for the High and Mighty

SUPREME COURT-- Tom Brady has loaded up on the big guns. Today he and his defense team at the NFL Players Association have brought in former Solicitor General of the United States, Ted Olson, to join their legal squad. Olson has a history of going...

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Famous Couples Rival Ted Cruz and Carly

In the world of entertainment politics, Ted Cruz continues to clear every room he enters. We have seen Ted Cruz lookalikes everywhere we turn nowadays, and the idea is not comforting. Recently, Jerry Springer brought forth a woman who looks like s...

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Dinner with Gronk

FOXBORO-- Rob Gronkowski has started to rev up his personality for the forthcoming football season. They begin stretching and yoga this week at the Patriots camp, and it has Gronk excited, according to a new interview. You have to pick up your Gro...

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Red Sox Special Diet Plan for Pablo Sandoval

Pablo Sandoval has gone to the Disabled List. He may have gone to the dogs. He may have gone mad. In any respect, the Red Sox will not play him for at least two weeks. They are hoping his Inflate-gut will subside. The Red Sox master plan is for...

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A Day in Fairyland with Drake, Odell, & Gronk

FAIRYLAND, USA--When Edna St. Vincent Millay visited author Somerset Maugham at his South of France estate, she was flabbergasted, and reported told Maugham, "You have created Fairyland." Move over, Maugham. Odell Beckham, Jr., is not about to be...

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Gronk Sets Up a Dunk for Tom Brady

Funny story: Gronk Sets Up a Dunk for Tom Brady

NEW ENGLAND--When you blow into a conch, you never know what wild animals will show up. Earlier this week Tom Brady summoned his receivers by the time-tested method that won favor in The Lord of the Flies. It was also a means to gather the media i...

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Red Sox & Patriots on Verge of First MLB/NFL Trade

The Fat Man won't be singing the National Anthem on Opening Day for MLB. The Red Sox announced they would not play the most overweight player of the season during the upcoming week. Pablo Sandoval apparently did win the starting job at third base...

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NFL Owner Gives Headaches, Not Aspirin

The risk of taking a baby aspirin is as dangerous as owning an NFL franchise. Scientists ought to spend billions to learn what owner Jim Irsay of the Indy Colts already knows. Yes, it appears that being a member of the billionaire bozo club is not...

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Gronk Doubles His Pleasure

DATELINE: Patriots Country - Over at our country club on the bay, we all know the importance of having a motorboat in excellent condition for summer cruising. To our surprise, a rather busty woman (on the order of Anita Ekberg or Jayne Mansfield)...

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Boston Celtics Crotch Problem

Marcus Smart of the Celtics has a Crotch Problem. Star basketball player Smart was fined $15,000 for an obscene gesture aimed at the referees. Please, don't shoot with that itchy trigger finger. In a world of endless and myriad ways to convey a...

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Breaking news…

Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned

Kim told Cosby he would have to get in line behind Robert Mueller, Suge Knight, and Jared Folger.
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