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Arne Duncan Axes Mississippi and Louisiana: Fourth Grade Reading Proficiency Soars

A provision in the much maligned No Child Left Behind Act has helped Arne Duncan, United States Secretary of Education, succeed where Jesus Christ failed. What is particularly remarkable is that Duncan's success came without 140 mile per hour winds,...

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It's Official: First Dog is Now Mike Hunt

Bo, the Obama's two year old Portuguese Water Dog, has a new moniker. The energetic first dog, known for its dense thatch of wiry black hair, is now Mike Hunt. When asked what precipitated the name change, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney e...

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Rick Santorum Informs Des Moines First Graders that Their Classmate Gino Demario is Deformed

Des Moines, LA - For someone who has never set foot in a school, Rick Santorum seemed to be in his element in Miss Hess's first grade classroom. Friday's visit to Miss Hess's first grade classroom at Riverside Elementary School in Des Moines marked...

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Did Herman Hide the Sausage? Sausage Appearance to Cains' Maid Sheds New Light on the Case

FBI sources have confirmed that Republican Candidate Herman Cain is being questioned about the 2005 disappearance of the Sausage, the tube-shaped deity that won the world over with its selfless good deeds, its legendary size, and its ability to fill...

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Election 2012: Google Search Yields Candidate Who Will Kick republican Butt

Funny story: Election 2012: Google Search Yields Candidate Who Will Kick republican Butt

Seattle (AP) What do you call a guy who sleeps in a cardboard box, panhandles at the stadium, collects cans and other debris, pisses and shits on lawns, eats road kill, exposes himself to families at the library, assaults handicapped people, steal...

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Iowa Governor to Pull the Plug on Grandma

Des Moines (AP) According to Iowa's Commission on Aging, Governor Terry Branstad's six-month old Pull the Plug on Grandma initiative is exceeding all expectations. This Des Moines pilot program, enacted last March to address the slothful behavior of...

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Breaking news…

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.
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