DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA - Bernie Madoff has taken umbrage to Rick Perry's comments that Social Security is a "Ponzi scheme".
"As the architect of the largest Ponzi scheme in the world I find it extremely offensive that Perry could compare my inves...
LONDON - Seeking to capitalize on the success of their controversial docu-drama "The Taking of Prince Harry", the UK's Channel 4 is planning a sequel. In it Prince Charles visits Mexico on a benevolent mission, where he is abducted by a Mexican drug...
WASHINGTON - In a ground-breaking move to cure the problem of unemployment the federal government has hired 750,000 unemployed workers to watch television.
The ground-breaking move was the brain child of the Department of Labor, which decided that...
ORLANDO - Harry Ramsden's, the famous British fish and chip restaurant, "bit off more than it could chew" with their recent venture into the United States market. The landmark entry of Ramsden's into Walt Disney World at Orlando, Florida was accompan...
Capitalizing on the huge amount of publicity given to "green energy", oil giant Exxon has doubled its market share by using food dye to physically color its gasoline green.
The move has been accompanied by a fanfare of publicity around Exxon's "Cl...
Bani-Walid, Libya - Citizens defending this stronghold of Muammar Ghadaffi thwarted a recent plot by members of the National Transitional Council (NTC) to infiltrate their city with a giant wooden rabbit.
The rabbit, owned by the BBC, had been in...
The Tea Party has failed to support Republican hopeful Herman Cain's plan for tax reform. The plan, which calls for a 9% personal income tax, 9% federal sales tax, and 9% corporate tax, is referred to as the "999" plan.
Despite the fact that this...
Top government economists, borrowing from the field of quantum physics, have formulated a solution that is currently being implemented by Barack Obama to solve America's economic woes.
Government economists suggest that our current crisis is being...
DETRIOT - Obama gave the American public a rousing speech on Monday revolving around the issue of unemployment, claiming that America has "numerous roads and bridges that need rebuilding and over a million unemployed construction workers to rebuild t...
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has changed his name to Darth Jong-il, claiming that his original name does not inspire fear or respect in the western world.
"While Kim is a respected family name in Korea, our esteemed leader is very aware that i...
Baltimore, MA - An employee trapped in a KFC outlet flooded by hurricane Irene managed to alert officials by spelling out "SOS" on the roof of the building using drowned cockroaches. The employee, Ramone Concha, was rescued still wearing his work apr...
Topeka, Kansas - A young man obsessed with the game World of Warcraft was arrested for forcing a branch of the Wachovia bank to deposit a partially decomposed severed head from a creature that the man insisted was an orc.
The 4"11 overweight man i...
CHICAGO - Rock singer Ozzie Ozbourne decided to trump his own former accomplishments in animal abuse by appearing on stage naked and proceeding to bite the head off a live walrus. The act took four hours, witnessed by a mixture of cheering fans, outr...
A new and much-needed fashion trend, the "Man Bra", has been rising in popularity in Southern states including Texas, Mississippi and Alabama. The concept, which encountered initial resistance as being "un-manly", has been aggressively promoted with...
The timing of the sudden closure of embattled publication News of the World was far from random, according to Wikileaks documents stolen from MI5. Had the newspaper lasted one more week the plan was to publish a 178 page special edition containing th...
Bank of America has recently experienced several acts of destruction related to badgers, according to Executive Vice President Robert Pethingham Jr. The damage followed the exact same pattern in all cases - photographs of Secretary of the Treasury Ti...
Under mounting pressure to demonstrate an economic turnaround, the United States Bureau of Labor and Statistics has decided to change the metrics being used to measure economic growth. The principal economic metric will now be the Gross Domestic Weig...
Which president is which? In a major political gaffe Democratic Senator Harry Reid mixed up the identities of South African President Jacob Zuma and American President Barack Obama. The incident occurred at a plenary session of the United Nations, as...