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Funny story:  French bring 30,000-year-old giant virus back to life, gives world another reason to hate the French

French bring 30,000-year-old giant virus back to life, gives world another reason to hate the French

AIX-MARSEILLE, France - Researchers at the University of Aix-Marseille have revived a virus that had lain dormant in Siberian permafrost for the past 30,000 years. Asked why they had thawed out and revived such a potentially dangerous virus, resea...
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Funny story:  For being so anti-gay, same-sex Russians sure do kiss a lot: study

For being so anti-gay, same-sex Russians sure do kiss a lot: study

HARFOLD, Vt. - A study released this week by Harfold State College has revealed that local students think all that kissing which same-sex Russian Olympians do is gay, especially for a city that has no gay people. Students in Carver Dining Hall wer...
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Funny story:  High-revenue Russian products to be boycotted due to anti-gay stance

High-revenue Russian products to be boycotted due to anti-gay stance

WASHINGTON D.C. - The U.S. Department of Trade announced Friday that the nation will officially boycott a number of high-revenue Russian products because of Russia's recent public stance against homosexual people. The government was quick to ackno...
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Funny story:  Obama says pot no worse than booze...not in so many words

Obama says pot no worse than booze...not in so many words

WASHINGTON D.C. - President Obama this week held tightly to his position that marijuana is no worse than booze, a bad habit that, if indulged in to excess, could lead to problems. "Could," that is. "Purple Haze was in my brain," said President Oba...
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Funny story:  If you're in the box, stop thinking outside it--interviewing tips for job seekers

If you're in the box, stop thinking outside it--interviewing tips for job seekers

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study this week which suggests that beliefs about interview etiquette may amount to nothing more than wives' tales. How long has it been cool to say, "I think outside the box"? Well, according to Dwi...
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Funny story:  American Soldiers in Afghanistan liken tour to a Tom Cruise filming gig

American Soldiers in Afghanistan liken tour to a Tom Cruise filming gig

KABUL - Many American solidiers currently on a one-year tour in Afghanistan find that their time spent away from family and other loved ones is most comparable a drawn-out movie shoot of an actor of such caliber as Tom Cruise. "Risking our lives d...
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Funny story:  Snowden frustrated by Cyrillic, tougher than any code he ever saw at NSA

Snowden frustrated by Cyrillic, tougher than any code he ever saw at NSA

MOSCOW - Edward Snowden, who has spent the last several months in Russia, is reportedly at the end of his tether. Despite having been able to leave the transit area of Sheremetyevo International Airport, Snowden has been frustrated by his attempts...
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Funny story:  Scientists can implant false memories into mice, only a matter of time before men have fake memories of wild sex they never had

Scientists can implant false memories into mice, only a matter of time before men have fake memories of wild sex they never had

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study this week that substantiates the belief that we can implant false memories into mice. This could have far-reaching implications in terms of men and how fondly they think back to their younger days...
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Funny story:  Dolphins call each other dirty names

Dolphins call each other dirty names

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a report today that supports the long-suspected assumption that dolphins were really mean deep down inside. "Calling each other names is just the beginning," said Jan Vincent, instructor of marine scie...
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Funny story:  Queen Elizabeth II: The baby shan't spoil one's holiday plans

Queen Elizabeth II: The baby shan't spoil one's holiday plans

WINDSOR - Queen Elizabeth II has issued a royal decree stating that the coming of William's and Kate's spawn shall hurry the hell up and get here so that her holiday plans don't get mucked up. Although Her Majesty has been doing the talking, it i...
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Funny story:  NSA spy Snowden to star in reality show: An American in Transit

NSA spy Snowden to star in reality show: An American in Transit

MOSCOW - NSA secrets leaker Edward Snowden may not have to worry about money for awhile. VenevisiĆ³n, one of Venezuela's largest television networks, has signed Snowden to a reality show deal that will highlight Snowden's highs and lows in the transit...
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Funny story:  Dementia care costs Americans $159 billion per year, seniors asked to stop faking it

Dementia care costs Americans $159 billion per year, seniors asked to stop faking it

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study today positing that the leading bullshit reason why young people feel forced to spend time with their old parents and grandparents is also costly. Dementia is as silent and deadly as an old fart a...
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Funny story:  Good week for the Biebs: racing, spitting, and transporting monkey

Good week for the Biebs: racing, spitting, and transporting monkey

MUNICH, Germany - All good things come in threes. So goes the saying, both in English and German, and the Biebs would have to agree. First, the cops were called because he was racing around his neighborhood in his new Ferrari. Then he spat upon a...
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Funny story:  Meteor strikes obscure Russian region, no one of any significance injured

Meteor strikes obscure Russian region, no one of any significance injured

CHELYABINSK, Russia - A 55-foot wide rock landed in and around the city of Chelyabinsk and then caused shockwaves that injured 1,200 people and damaged thousands of homes. The U.S. quickly expressed relief that no one of significance was affected by...
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Funny story:  Couple addicted to coffee enemas finally release names of favorite blends

Couple addicted to coffee enemas finally release names of favorite blends

TAMPA, Fl. - The Florida couple who came clean this week about their addiction to coffee enemas has released a short list of the highly anticipated names of coffee blends that they shoot into their colons via anus up to four times a day. Wife Tamm...
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Funny story:  President now believed to have lip-synced inaugural speech

President now believed to have lip-synced inaugural speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After President Obama and Aretha Franklin each gave respectively a resounding speech and rendition of the National Anthem four years ago, it seems that the designers of the second inaugural ceremony pulled a full-on Milli Vanilli o...
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Funny story:  Study: Fecal transplants cure serious infection and make everyone want to hurl

Study: Fecal transplants cure serious infection and make everyone want to hurl

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study this week that maintains that injecting the feces of a healthy person into another person suffering from a rare intestinal ailment may actually help the person kick the bug. Clostridium diffici...
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Funny story:  Justin Bieber caught smoking dope? Maybe the Mayans were right!

Justin Bieber caught smoking dope? Maybe the Mayans were right!

HOLLYWOOD - Holy effin' shit--finally something coming out of Glitztown more interesting than Kim K.'s baby bump. Teenager Justin Bieber has been caught on film partaking of marijuana. Perhaps the Mayans were right--perhaps the world is coming to...
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