Washington, DC -- The Obama Administration's top lawman has officially arrested the entire population of the United States.
In an unprecedented Justice Department directive, Attorney General Eric Holder outlined a plan to imprison every American...
New York -- After more than five years of intense investigations and calculations, a panel of 27 accountants has discovered the direct cause of the ongoing collapse of the world's economy.
Its finding: A bookkeeper for a tax accounting firm head...
Dallas, Texas -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney missed most of the ceremonies dedicating the George W. Bush Library here. Federal Library Enforcement Agency (FLEA) officers pulled him out of the crowd to issue over two dozen citations for overdue...
Hollywood -- North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un has signed up for a starring role on next season's Celebrity Apprentice series.
Slated to lead a team of contestants that will include Gary Busey and Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong-Un says his nation's devel...
New York -- Distinguished former Congressman Anthony Weiner is testing the waters for a run for mayor, releasing a multi-level plan that would return this metropolis to its Fun City roots.
For openers, the proposal would bring back the grit and gr...
Washington, DC -- As the gun control debate enters its fifth month with no end in sight, mental health authorities are blaming the drawn out policy dispute for a rise in the nation's suicide rate.
The major television ratings bureaus report a 12.2...
Pyongyang, North Korea -- Spring is the season when a young man's fancy turns toward world domination. And so it goes with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, who recently purchased a blueprint to take over the world from an unnamed US defense contrac...
Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country's multibillion euro debt crisis.
"No, this is not...
Brussels - The Holidays and Holy Days Panel of the European Union has canceled Easter this year due to a lack of funding.
"The Almighty, and I do use that name with a high degree of bitterness, refuses to perform a Resurrection this year," said Re...
Somewhere At Sea - Looking to shake its stodgy image and sinking popularity, the Republican Party has purchased Carnival Cruise Lines.
The move is designed to rebrand and re-energize the right side of the political spectrum. "From here on out, the...
Cheyenne, Wyoming -- The Tribal Gathering Is taking the Catholic Church to court over its use of smoke signals to announce papal election results.
"Just because you know how to build a fire doesn't mean you can steal our proven communications tech...
The Vatican -- New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is moving to complete a deal that would make him the second Jewish Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church.
"St. Peter was Jewish and he turned out to be the indestructible rock God chose to head his ch...
Vatican City -- As he retires as the mystical leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict is being honored for the miracles he performed while pontiff. Among the amazing feats with which he is credited are these wonders:
Converted the Pope Mobil...
Daytona, Florida -- A rumored NASCAR plan to shower its loyal fans with free souvenirs ran into a glitch at the end of its Nationwide Series race here.
The idea was to launch a "piñata car" into the home stretch fence just before the competitors...
Cupertino, California -- Top secret patent papers, leaked during a sequestered privacy spill, have revealed that Apple has chosen to design a 'smart watch' as the innovation that will save the company.
Shaped in the form of chrome apple, the dev...
Washington, DC -- The upside of the government's sequester initiative is a $1.2 trillion reduction in the deficit. The downside is that the blunt force action will produce many unanticipated cuts and changes that will adversely affect every American.
Washington, DC -- Under growing criticism for using remote-controlled aircraft to hunt down and kill suspected terrorists, the Defense Department has transferred its top-secret aerial assassination program to the Mafia.
"Anybody got any complaints...
Washington, DC - Calling the health-related retirement of Pope Benedict XVI "a tragic opportunity," congressional leaders have declared that America will field a candidate in the upcoming election for the next pontiff.
"It's a free world, isn't it...