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Funny story: God Announces Resignation on Twitter

God Announces Resignation on Twitter

Mr Lord God or 'The' Lord God has today announced his intention to step down from his role of being God for an indefinite amount of time. The news broke on God's official Twitter account and it had been expected for a number of weeks. He is due t...
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Funny story: Nicole Sherzinger getting all hot and bothered

Nicole Sherzinger getting all hot and bothered

Nicole Sherzinger has been very vocal on our televisions lately. Writhing in pleasure as she delicately slurps down some luxury yoghurts. Moaning in ecstasy as she glides her perfectly manicured fingers through her sleek and shiny lathered up man...
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Funny story: Man Loses Hands

Man Loses Hands

Peter has lost his hands and needs help finding them! He has offered some thing or another for the return of the hands but we don't know for sure because the reward notice he's been sticking to lampposts with his head are completely indecipherable. T...
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Funny story: Man Leaves The Pool

Man Leaves The Pool

Earnest Horn (man) went swimming in his local swimming baths in June 2010 for no real raisin. Most people would think that four years is just too long to be swimming in the pool but he said that 'Oh no that's fine'' and today was the perfect time for...
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Funny story: Waiting causes record deaths

Waiting causes record deaths

Poll results from the first six months of 2014 have shown a record number of deaths due to waiting. Indeed it has overtaken being sucked down the plughole, mass papercut suicides and having a funny turn. The most prominent offenders of death by w...
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Funny story: Romans Return To Modern Day Britain

Romans Return To Modern Day Britain

Shock and awe abounded today as the Romans returned to reclaim what they proclaim is rightfully theirs. They might have come from a portal or out of a test tube or something in a mad scientists lab but they are here and you should be scared! All of m...
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Funny story: Howard Hughes Secret Revealed

Howard Hughes Secret Revealed

It has been revealed today that renowned business magnate, investor, aviator, aerospace engineer, film maker, philanthropist and even world record holder Howard Hughes actually came out in 1973 but no one noticed at the time. He was probably the most...
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Funny story: Liverpool set for glory despite missing out on Premier League title

Liverpool set for glory despite missing out on Premier League title

The moment Steven Gerrard failed to control a team-mates' pass in Liverpool's game against Chelsea, almost two weeks ago now, Liverpool's title dreams went up in flames. Their misery was further compounded when they failed to secure all three points...
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Funny story: Random Questions to Strangers Outlawed

Random Questions to Strangers Outlawed

In a bid to curb unnecessary discomfort, bewilderment and mild irritation a nationwide ban has been placed on all situations where a person may need to ask one or more strangers a basic question. The ban is expected to run for six months. Question...
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Funny story: Calls For Mandatory Use of Helmets In Professional Boxing

Calls For Mandatory Use of Helmets In Professional Boxing

Tonight's World Heavyweight Championship bout between Eugene 'Swarfega hands' Smalls and Louis 'The Lepor' Trunks ended in farce as Smalls attempted to strum the tune to 'The Ballad of Richard Nixon' by John Denver and Trunks began some kind of upsid...
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Funny story: Football fans responsible for dirty dishes

Football fans responsible for dirty dishes

Bad news if you do not have a dishwasher and like eating your food using clean cutlery and sparkling plates. West Ham fans, including Ray Winstone, Danny Dyer and some movie person who once saw them on the TV have exhausted the UK's supply of fairy l...
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Funny story: You can't do THAT on TV!

You can't do THAT on TV!

Samantha 'Stiff neck, prominent jaw line, unflinching eyes and mechanical mouth' Jones has caused surprise and uproar today after she was spotted showing what appeared to be some kind of human emotion. After hearing about Tennis player Andy Murr...
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Funny story: The Subterranean Homesick News!

The Subterranean Homesick News!

Bad news is set to hit everyone this week as large swathes of armed robbery, parliamentary fraud and not to mention the worst weather since records began are due in the UK. It is predicted to be worse than the last time absolutely nothing at all hap...
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Funny story: Childbirth vs a kick in the privates, which is more painful?

Childbirth vs a kick in the privates, which is more painful?

Angry scenes at A&E tonight as a man and woman, Barry Nutsafe and Dawn Moulds are having a 'pain-off', just to see which is more painful. Being kicked in the privates or childbirth. We have an audience including staff having fag breaks, peopl...
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Funny story: 'A Flock of Seagulls' attack pensioner

'A Flock of Seagulls' attack pensioner

Eighties new wave band 'A flock of seagulls' have today been bailed pending further investigation after it was reported they had swarmed and beaten down an OAP on Brighton pier last October. The band, fronted by a man who's hair looks like a set...
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Funny story: 'Excellent' Food Critic Loses It

'Excellent' Food Critic Loses It

World renowned food critic 'just one more' Larry Le Cellar-door last night shocked attendees at the '7even' restaurant a la 'fit to bursting' pub, aka 'tramp-shed', Chiswick. Everyone at the table had just sat down for their meals when Mr. Cellar...
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Funny story: Man loses/leaves wife in drawers for five years

Man loses/leaves wife in drawers for five years

The world finally learned today of a man who had misplaced his wife, Irene Bumblekiss, in the Liverpool address of one of his previous residences. After being questioned this morning the man said he'd completely forgotten about her and couldn't ev...
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Funny story: Apple Creates New Jobs

Apple Creates New Jobs

Technofiles rejoice! Apple have unveiled the latest addition to their ever expanding army of sense assaulting machines. 5S-teve! Included with this release will be a free download of IOS Jobs. The update comes with ruthless business acumen, foldi...
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Breaking News...

Wi-Fi signal named "Al-Qaeda Free Terror Network" Results In Long Delay For Passengers At Los Angeles Airport

'Our networks are usually named as variations on: 'Moms apple pie - God Bless America,' confirmed an Al-Qaeda spokesman. 'Otherwise it would be a bit f***ing obvious.'
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