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A Press Conference of the Democratic "Party"

In an unprecedented revelation, hardline Democrats announced today their actual (and quite obvious) opinions of such so-called "special interest" and "minority" groups as homosexuals, blacks and women. Considering all they have been doing for dec...

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MSNBC To Broadcast The Infamous "Terrorist Training Camp In Northern NH" Video Tonight!

New York, NY - Direct from the AP newswire comes stunning information regarding MSNBC's level of credibility. It seems a video, taken a few days ago in Central NH, of two men raking leaves, one of whom was doing karate stances and other martial arts-...

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Egypt's Hosni Mubarak Actually Found To Be Bela Lugosi In Disguise!

CAIRO, Egypt - Embattled Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak, fleeing the hordes of anti-government protesters that lined the streets of the capital, was stopped at the border by Egyptian border patrol guards. Most supporters of the now-faltering go...

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Proof Found That Jimi Hendrix Committed Suicide Because of Musical Shortcomings

LONDON, England-In a previously closed-off room at the Samarkand Hotel, at 22 Lansdowne Crescent, in Notting Hill, experts were admitted yesterday evening to look over the room where Jimi Hendrix died on September 18, in 1970, allegedly of a drug ove...

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Dusty Gibbons of ZZ Top Actually Discovered to be A 5600 year old Noah!

EL PASO, Texas-Biblical scholars and archaeologists the world over converged on El Paso, the hometown of Dusty Gibbons of ZZ Top, today. Apparently, some writings were discovered in the vast Texan desert (only about 4 miles from Gibbons' manorial...

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KLA Declared Idiotic, Celebratory Looting and Rioting Engulfs Town

Funny story: KLA Declared Idiotic, Celebratory Looting and Rioting Engulfs Town

KITTERY, Maine-In a sweeping 45-0 decision, the Kittery Council for Betterment And The Removal of Morons (or KCBRM), has elected that all 49 members of the Kittery Library Association will be banished from the town, due to their obvious stupidity and...

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Obama Outlines His Latest Economic Recovery Plan; Pleases Numismatists The World Over

WASHINGTON, D.C.-Reporters in Washington yesterday were shocked and delighted with President Obama's latest in a previously failed series of economic recovery plans. The President is going to mandate that all states be provided with at least 100,0...

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California Outlaws Masturbation and Pornography; Open Revolt Against Constitution

SACRAMENTO, Calif.-In a move that shocked and angered most people, the current governor of the state of California, generally called the "Republic of California" according it's flag, has ordered the criminalization of masturbation. In a very close...

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Brothers Bungle In Burger Burglary

BOSTON, Mass.-It seems that two brothers who were hungry past their dinner, ventured out to obtain some burgers, but finding every major burger joint closed, chose instead to buy hamburger meat at a local supermarket, that they thought was still open...

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Mayor Bloomberg Saves NYC From Egyptian Demonstrator Melee

NEW YORK, New York - A number of Egyptian-Americans, including a few of the more notable Egyptian bakers in the city, have converged on the few Egyptian bricklayers and police officers who live and work in the city. In an action that seemed suspic...

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New Sexual Fetishes, Costumes and Fantasies Discovered At Conference In D.C.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a conference for sexual health, chaired by Dr. John Forskan, the preeminent psychologist and sex-researcher, held in our nation's capitol at the Dulles Airport Hilton, in its' immense, opulent Conference Room B, several research...

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Walmart Receives Imperial Status; Nations Worry About The Power of This Superstate

BENTONVILLE, Ark. - At the home and worldwide corporate headquarters of the largest, richest, most powerful and populous of the many Corporate States of America, it was announced today, just two mere days after it was declared a nation-an official na...

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Egyptian Situation Resolved; Its Supply of Oil (Not Much) Recovered

CAIRO, Egypt-In a characteristically self-sacrificing move, longtime Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak (five time winner of the coveted award for "World's Silliest Name"; and that is a very competitive category, especially in Arab nations, which often...

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Dunkan Donuts' Secret Employee Prison Discovered and Toured

CANTON, Mass. - More employees of Dunkan Donuts, suspected of being part of a plot to funnel secret doughnut and coffee-making information to it's host of competitors, were arrested and jailed today, as part of a region wide crackdown on secret-leaka...

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Terrorist Plot to Blow Up American Microbreweries Foiled; Then Officials and Authorities Foiled

PORTSMOUTH, N.H. - Police and federal agents descended on Smuttybutt Brewery on Heritage Avenue in Portsmouth today, as part of a nationwide sting aimed at apprehending the mostly Egyptian terrorists who have infiltrated a number of regional and nati...

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New Recording of the Beatles Found! A Strange New Light Shed on the Fab Four!

LIVERPOOL, U.K.-A new recording of The Beatles, circa 1961, has been unearthed in the home of semi-retired cabby, Barnabas Q. Plumfrock. The recording, long rumored to be fatuous, was found in the hope chest set at the end of Mr. Plumfrock's bed.

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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