In the wake of Heathrow Airport's shocking inability to handle the winter weather, a snitchy insider has claimed that those in charge of the laughing stock of the air travel industry were always going to show their incompetence and inability to deal...
The UK has tonight been plunged into yet another political crisis as the coalition government has dramatically disbanded over a shambolic Secret Santa involving the most senior government ministers.
According to breaking reports, the Secret Santa...
The British Army has unveiled a new fast-track scheme in which any appropriate new recruit can be automatically promoted to the rank of Major if they have a penchant for spicy food. During these testing times in the war against terror it has become p...
A new fashion craze is sweeping the country faster than the Black Death, with the potential consequences being quoted as 'equally as disastrous.' Those most in danger are teenage boys and young adult men, who are being targeted by High Street stores...
A fun loving group of Daily Mail journalists have today started a campaign to eliminate the presence of sexually suggestive journalism across all forms of British media.
The group of seven journalists have called themselves 'Children Come First',...
Megalomaniac media mogul multi-millionaire Simon Cowell announced today at a press conference that under fire FIFA president Sepp Blatter is to be a celebrity guest judge for the X-Factor Final on Saturday night.
The decision was initially met wit...
The latest attempt by the PC-police to clean up our racist and hate fuelled society has ended with China declaring war on the United Kingdom.
It all started last month, when a group of moaning hippy do-gooders demanded that the government make som...
Government ministers have today announced that the act of smoking cigarettes is to be classified as an extreme sport. The continued popularity of the lethal hobby in the face of overwhelming, some might say 'blasé', scientific evidence that it causes...
FIFA has been sent into meltdown tonight as it has been revealed that their president, Sepp Blatter, is in fact a high class female prostitute. The shock revelation was discovered in the fall out of the 2018 and 2022 World Cup bidding announcement i...
Apple have today unveiled the new 'Girlfriend App." for the iPhone, claiming that it is "a huge leap forward in our bid to control the minds of every human being on Earth." In a conscious bid to move away from apps. that allow people to have fake lig...
Top lexicographers have today announced new additions to, and definitions for, the words within the English language dictionary. Of these additions and revisions, however, there stands a solitary point of controversy - the word "gay" will now have th...
The owner of a fruit and veg stall in Leighton Buzzard market has today been sentenced to death by Cheryl Cole after being found guilty of illegally downloading her new album Messy Little Raindrops online.
The male offender, who can't be named for...
The clientele of a pub in Norwich, Suffolk, have allegedly passed up the chance to find out the meaning of life, and the answers to numerous other unanswerable questions, because they chose to ignore what was being said due to the fact that it was de...
Having pissed off the majority of the UK, Prime Minister David Cameron has now taken to annoying people on the continent. His actions have now caused political relations between Great Britain and Germany to plummet to new lows after a seemingly erro...
It has been revealed that Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger was this week given unrivalled access in to the life of an Arsenal season ticket holder who verbally abused him from the stands throughout the second half of his teams shock defeat to Champions...
The Irish Government has today sent out a public, heartfelt apology to the world for having spawned the crap-pop-freak show Jedward. The apology was particularly aimed the people of the UK, who have had to suffer this inhuman blight more than anyone...