Los Angeles, CA--Relationships experts have long known that women have extramarital affairs for various reasons, including empowerment, self-esteem, and true love. But a recently published and more in-depth analysis of infidelity indicates that there...
Washington, DC--Global pharmaceutical giants Merck, Johnson & Johnson, and Pfizer today announced plans to merge and to purchase the FDA and both houses of Congress in an attempt to soothe investors' frayed nerves and to streamline the drug-appro...
London, UK, and Paris, France--Two recent accidents in London and Paris have been linked to Americans' eating habits but fortunately did not result in deaths or injuries.
Washington, DC--Surgeon General Richard H. Carmona today announced that the US Post Office will serve as the primary scientific site for a study of hypertension in adult Americans.
Hershey, PA--The giant candy maker Hershey's today returned the hard chocolate candy Tastetations to selected supermarkets and convenience stores, leading to mass stampedes, crushed toes, and slapped faces as dieting women battled grocery...
Ladue, MO--A woman who was stuck in a Schnuck's supermarket bathroom for 14 hours without her cell phone and forced to listen to an endless loop of "elevator" and New Age music, while she repeatedly yelled for help to no avail, has file...
Trenton, NJ--Not content with developing, ravaging, and pillaging the formerly rural state of New Jersey, several major builders in the state have begun evicting 1 million residents from several areas, such as Camden, Trenton, New Brunswick, Newark,...
New York, New York--For many years, scientists have been seeking the one universal substance that would be most useful in a variety of everyday as well as critical situations. Now, a team of researchers at several prominent New York city-area hospit...
Minnetonka, Minneapolis--Led by managed care giant United Healthcare (NASDAQ code: X$%^&*$#%^$^ subscribers), all major HMOS in the United States have removed all antibiotics from their formularies due to rising pharmaceutical prices and the necessit...
Kansas City, MO--Enraged and exhausted by the endless task of trying to find something positive to say in a card format about every occasion, several highly talented writers and artists who have worked at Hallmark for a combined total of 120 years ha...
Washington, DC--The Department of Health and Human Services, acting on instructions from the Bush Administration, today dissolved the JCAHO and the NCQA and instead instituted a faith-based system of accreditation for hospitals and healthcare profess...
Washington, DC, and Detroit, MI--The Big Three automakers today announced that they have developed a revolutionary car that will drive itself.
New York, NY--Scientists at a major teaching hospital here today reported not one but two scientific findings that they hope will propel them to the front of the line for a Nobel Prize and provide them with lifetime free tickets to Lincoln Center.
Washington, DC--Effective with the next payroll cycle, all American employees who work for companies employing more than 50 people, and who are registered Democrats who voted for John Kerry, will no longer receive their paychecks as a "block gra...
Washington, DC--Building upon his belief that Americans need to assume more responsibility for all aspects of their health, financial security, and overall well-being, as well as reminiscing with nostalgia about his youthful comment that poor people...
New York City--The entire Lower East Side of Manhattan was cordoned off briefly after a resident of Greenwich, Connecticut, became alarmed by the behavior of the area's residents and feared a terrorist attack was imminent.
Roma and Firenze, Italy--After several snafus involving American tourists at AutoGrill toilettes, in supermercados, and on the streets of Rome, the Italian government has declared the popular rock song "American Idiot" by Greenday to...
NEW YORK -- A woman who in 1977 gave a co-worker a very small, poorly made, and essentially useless holiday gift has received the exact same essentially useless, poorly made holiday gift from a different co-worker at a completely different company i...