A round up of this January's transfer window so far.
- Manchester City's rich owners discovered they had another off-shore oil rink in business, and decided to spend their loose change on some German guy called Dzeko. Who's injured.
British citizens were in uproar last night following a showing of the "Confused.com" advert at 4pm.
The advert, which depicts an animated woman singing "Somebody to Love", sparks the complaints as the woman appeared to pull a microphone from her v...
Mass horror in Cornwall today as what has been described as the "Anti-Santa" was witnessed stealing presents from homes in Worsley Dorsley.
Mrs. Elena Morris woke up this morning and discovered a leering fat man dressed in green with a lethal sack...
The phrase "hit em where it hurts" has never been so applicable. Or, as the Global Governments have decided, they're serving a dish best served cold... on Julian Assange.
Tired of having their private lives splashed on the Internet; tired of revel...
Temperatures of -20 degrees. Snow everywhere. The curse of the old lady eskimos.
This is officially the worst Welsh Winter ever.
Usually used to temperatures of about 1 degree, Wales has underperformed yet again: cocking up everyone's plans.
English fans eat your heart out.
A slice of justice today as the Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin, was served a slice of revenge as he left Moscow to Zurich to celebrate the country's victory.
He had to fly Easyjet.
Aleksandr Orlov. The funny little meerkat every British household wants a doll of, just to have him given to your dog as a Christmas present.
Now the proud mascot of Moscow as he was the first to celebrate the Russian success.
In a fixed vote,...
And now for the Welsh News - A man walking a dog went missing for thirty whole minutes. The entire RAF in Anglesey, accompanied by Prince William, were summoned to the site and discovered the bamboozled Mr. Trebor seven miles south of Swansea: which...
10 million households all shouted the same message in the exact same instant, according to a new panel today.
The NASA space probe detected a loud noise coming from the United Kingdom at approximately 9:48pm this evening, as 65 million people all...
The highly effective editor of "The Spoof" website has been voted the United Kingdom's "Weirdest Crush", in a new poll run by the obscene magazine "What?"
The magazine that noboby has ever heard of asked the entire UK population...
Members of the Flying Circus rejoice! Sarkozy's got a new policy to deal with immigration.
Fears that Takeshi Castle style policies were outdated have dragged the French President kicking and screaming into the modern world, in which any criminals...
We've faced seven nights of Gillian McKeith screaming her way through Bush Tucker Trials. And now the sympathetic ITV have promised to resolve the matter and ensure that public money isn't wasted unfairly.
Inspired by Disney, all Bush Tucker Trial...
Following a protest in Korea, the country looks set to invade... itself.
In shocking events recently, Korean spokespeople revealed "We hate ourselves so much we're going to bomb the crap out of our military bases!"
Threats that this will weaken...
"Days off for everyone!" - That's the promise given by Prime Minister David Cameron if people buy Prince William and Kate Middleton wedding gifts.
Like they don't have enough shit in their house, David Cameron has promised that anyone who buys the...
It's the biggest news hitting this side of the Galaxy.
Prince Willz is marrying a Vogon.
The plucky British prince attracted Katie Muddletoon, from the planet Vogon, when he read out his poem "I like poems and helicopters" via his MooTube chann...
Remembrance Sunday had pinges of regret for both sides at Goodison Park yesterday.
This disappointed writer watched as his beloved team crashed to a 2-1 defeat to Arsenal, before having a huge rant over the forums.
"It's not fair! My team have...
British Deputy PM Nick Clegg accused the insanely popular Call of Duty video games for yesterday's shocking riots at Westminster: and nothing else.
Clegg, who was left on his own in a very "Home Alone" esque manner whilst Big Dave went to China, w...
Amidst reports that the Queen is using Facebook, Satirical Writer Queen Mudder recently revealed she's been using it for seven years.
Top writer Mudder was annoyed that the news was only just coming out, revealing "That bloody hypocrite's lying. I...
Sorry, you can't go back any further!
Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents
Roseanne Smokes Ambien, Commits Genocide
Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned
Inspector General’s Report Is Out
Trump Takes the U.S. Out of the U.N.
Secret Plot to Have Trump Declare War on Canada Revealed
Trump Gives North Carolina to Kim Jong Un in Return for De-Nuclearization
An original metaphor:
Roseanne Claims that Ambien Turned Her Into An Asshole
Trump Pardons Himself for All the Pussies He's Grabbed
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