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Woman Wears Clothes, Walks along Platform

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - A thin, androgynously-attractive woman in her late teens strode purposefully yet vulnerably down a narrow walkway in a softly-lit room filled with wealthy people on Tuesday night, sources have confirmed. Displaying confidence and...

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Apple Win Half of Newark Man's Belongings in Landmark Divorce Case

NEW JERSEY - Bringing to an end the unprecedented case of Apple v. Smitson, presiding Judge Mark Windleson ruled yesterday that Apple is entitled to half of Andy Smitson's possessions or an equivalent monetary value. Speaking from outside the cour...

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Samsung Developing LD Technology for Fourth Quarter

HONG KONG - Korean electronics giant Samsung has given the press a glimpse of its upcoming products by demonstrating its innovative LD (or "Lower Definition") technology to a packed crowd of industry experts at the 2010 Tech Expo. Displayed alongside...

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Man Discovers Lost City of Atlantis at Bottom of Beer

O'HARE'S PUB, NEW YORK - Martin Coweson, a mine worker from Fort Frolic, sent shockwaves throughout the archaeology world with his uncovering of the fabled sunken city of Atlantis in the dregs of his 500ml bottle of Budweiser at 2am last Saturday mor...

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NBA Unveils New "Slam Dunkin' Donuts" Food Line

NBA HEADQUARTERS, CALIFORNIA - As part of their Autumn product range, NBA Marketing have revealed the result of their new partnership with Dunkin' Donuts: a variety of basketball-inspired sugary treats. The tasty confections will be available in Dunk...

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Military Surge into Area Man's Fridge Secures another Victory against Hunger

WASHINGTON - As part of the US Military's ongoing campaign against low rations, a squad of highly-trained soldiers launched a tactical strike on Washington native David Turtle's fridge at 0600 hours Monday morning. The plans were drawn up two months...

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Otherwise Normal Man Cannot Stop Assessing Structural Stability of Surroundings

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH - Citing a lifelong concern with security as a possible explanation, local man Tom Gallant has explained that he is unable to prevent himself from judging the quality of nearby buildings and items even when social norms would pre...

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Sports Team Incorrectly Attributes Win to Heart and Determination

CLEVELAND, OHIO - The Ohio Sharks yesterday won their eleventh straight game with a devastating display of skill and strength against the visiting Alaska Salmons. Forward Andre Wendle was the standout as he fought through a committed defence to score...

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Desperate Advertising Executives Pretend That Deodorant Technology Has Meaningfully Progressed

Funny story: Desperate Advertising Executives Pretend That Deodorant Technology Has Meaningfully Progressed

WALMART CONVENTION CENTRE, NEW YORK-The lead presentation team at advertising firm Johnson and Smith unveiled Right Guard's Autumn line of odor-disguising sprays today to a rapturous reception from their peers in the world of marketing. Developed in...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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