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Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and John Oliver to Quit if Trump Loses

Funny story: Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and John Oliver to Quit if Trump Loses

NEW YORK, NY - In a rare act of unanimity, late night television hosts, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and John Oliver have announced they will step down if Donald Trump does not become the Republican candidate for President of the United...

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Future Superstorm, "SnoWallopAlooza", Shuts Down East Coast

Funny story: Future Superstorm, "SnoWallopAlooza", Shuts Down East Coast

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - A MONSTER storm that might pack blizzard conditions spun by the elite East-Coast media will, hopefully, live up to the hype, but New York City and Washington DC shut down anyway to allow government workers to take an additio...

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Yosemite park plans to change some ironic names

Funny story: Yosemite park plans to change some ironic names

WASHINGTON, DC - Bid "adios" to some of Yosemite National Park's most ironic names. In an extraordinary move, the National Park Service announced today that it was changing the names of The Redskin hotel, Jungle Bunny Village and other beloved par...

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EPA Formally Declares Clouds a Dangerous Pollutant

Funny story: EPA Formally Declares Clouds a Dangerous Pollutant

WASHINGTON, DC - Today, the EPA classified clouds as "pollutants" under section 202(a) of the Clean Air Act. The declaration came after a new study was released, indicating that clouds are playing a larger role in melting the Greenland Ice Sheet t...

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Donald Trump To Wear Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress For All Remaining Debates

Funny story: Donald Trump To Wear Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress For All Remaining Debates

NEW YORK, NY - Republican Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, announced today that he will wear Monica Lewinsky's infamous blue dress during all remaining Republican debates and will also wear it during the Presidential debate with Hillary Clinton, i...

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Bernie Sanders Proposes Maximum Wage of $16 Per Hour

Funny story: Bernie Sanders Proposes Maximum Wage of $16 Per Hour

MONTPELIER, VT - Today, Democrat Presidential candidate, Senator Bernie Sanders proposed a maximum wage of $16 per hour. In addition, Senator Sanders supports a minimum wage of $15 per hour. "Establishing a maximum wage of $16 and raising the m...

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Hillary Clinton Says She will Toss Trump's Salad

Funny story: Hillary Clinton Says She will Toss Trump's Salad

NEW YORK, NY - Democrat Presidential hopeful, Hillary Rodham Clinton said today that she will "Toss Trump's Salad", if he is the Republican candidate in 2016. The comment came after Donald Trump said that Hillary was "Schlonged" by Barack Obama. "...

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Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals Changes Its Name

CARLSBAD, CA - Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals on Friday announced that it will change its name ISIS Pharmaceuticals. The company's shares, which now trade on the NYSE under the ticker "AQUS," will trade under the new ticker symbol "ISIS." The new ticker...

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US-ISIS Deal Allows 110 Mass-Killings Per Day

Funny story: US-ISIS Deal Allows 110 Mass-Killings Per Day

WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama and ISIS have struck a deal to allow as many as 110 mass-killings per day in the USA. The deal, announced by ISIS Spokesman, Apul Madeek-Auod, was verified by President Obama's Press Secretary, Dick Swett. The d...

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Jeb Bush Outs Donald Trump As A Democrat Secret Agent

Funny story: Jeb Bush Outs Donald Trump As A Democrat Secret Agent

LAS VEGAS, NV - Donald Trump was outed today by Jeb Bush as a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy the Republican party. Former Florida governor, Jeb Bush, made the announcement today via Twitter: "Donald negotiated a deal with Hil...

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First British Astronaut Arrives At Space Station To Fix Oil Leak

Funny story: First British Astronaut Arrives At Space Station To Fix Oil Leak

KAZAKHSTAN - Mike Oxbig, the first British astronaut to travel to the International Space Station (ISS), arrived at the orbiting laboratory with two others today. Cheers erupted all over the UK. Mr. Oxbig was tapped by the European Space Agency (E...

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Obama's to Sing Final State Of The Union Address

Funny story: Obama's to Sing Final State Of The Union Address

WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama will make his seventh and final State of the Union (SOTU) address on Tuesday, January 12 at 9 p.m. ET. Instead of holding a traditional address before the Joint session of Congress, he will be performing at the Li...

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Obama to put 50,000 boots on the ground to combat 26 US State Governors

Funny story: Obama to put 50,000 boots on the ground to combat 26 US State Governors

WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he has authorized 25,000 troops to be deployed to 26 of the United States to enforce his decision to allow Syrian refugees to infiltrate the United States. White House Spokesman,...

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Jerry Bruckheimer Arrested After Shooting Pilot

Funny story: Jerry Bruckheimer Arrested After Shooting Pilot

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Jerome Leon ("Jerry") Bruckheimer was arrested today after the FBI discovered that he had shot a pilot. FBI agent, Dick Rasch, announced the arrest today at a press conference held today at L'Ermitage, the most expensive hotel in B...

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Obama Vows to 'Redouble' Islamic State Fight After Paris

Funny story: Obama Vows to 'Redouble' Islamic State Fight After Paris

ANTALYA, Turkey - President Barack Obama pledged Sunday to redouble U.S. efforts to eliminate the Islamic State group and end the Syrian civil war that has fueled its rise, denouncing the extremist group's horrifying terror spree in Paris as "an atta...

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HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

Funny story: HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

WASHINGTON, DC - The federal government is seeking to ban masturbation in all of the nation's 13.2 million public housing units. In its proposed rule, announced Thursday, the Department of Housing and Urban Development would require more than 3,10...

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Golfers To March Across America, Demanding Free Greens Fees

Funny story: Golfers To March Across America, Demanding Free Greens Fees

WASHINGTON, DC - Golfers were set to walk off golf courses across the United States today to protest ballooning greens fees and rally for free golf balls. The demonstrations are planned just two days after thousands of fast-food workers took to th...

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Ben Carson Claimed He Masturbated as a Boy, But Can't Prove It

Funny story: Ben Carson Claimed He Masturbated as a Boy, But Can't Prove It

WASHINGTON, DC - Dr. Ben Carson says he was prone to masturbating during his youth until he had a religious experience in the bathroom of his Detroit home. But, his former classmates don't remember him "polishing the knob". Your fearless report...

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Breaking news…

New Bill Would Give Guns Citizenship

Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) introduced a bill {BLAKA} that would give guns US citizenship, along with the right to vote and own weapons. Asked about how they felt about this bill a gun said "bang bang click"
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