Washington--Mitt Romney seemed shocked that Republicans would attack him for being Republican.
"Doesn't the Republican Party stand for unfettered capitalism, large amounts of wealth, and token gestures to the poor and middle class? Because I thou...
Madison, Wis--Scott Walker's is big on creating jobs, so big on creating jobs that he created jobs for ghosts at a shutter GM plant in Janesville, WI.
"I said I was going to created 250,000 jobs in Wisconsin by 2015, but I didn't say that they we...
Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker is beginning to worry that he might be going to jail, because close aides of his are getting charged with felonies.
"I am worried these jails in Wisconsin might have guards that are in the unions, if I am lucky,...
Washington--Glenn Beck is letting everyone know that Progressives are the reason we have history books in public schools.
"I just want my listeners to know that progressives are the reason we have history books in public schools. They know that i...
Heaven--Jesus sent Tim Tebow to the Broncos as a joke, and as a way to help Him heal from the pain of the Broncos beat the Packers in Superbowl XXXII.
"I thought I was over the Broncos beating the Packers, but in the spring of 2010, about two week...
Iowa--The number of jackasses in Iowa dropped 100% after the caucuses were held on Tuesday. Leaving the state pretty jackass free.
"I was really getting sick of see Newt Gingrich in my favorite dinner. That lard ass was always eating the last pie...
Washington--Mitt Romney loves money and the power that money brings, but he doesn't feel guilty about the amount of money he is spending to buy his ticket to the White House.
"I understand we could use a few of the millions of dollars to put Amer...
Washington--An out of shape Newt Gingrich is slowly falling behind in the race for the White House because is out of shape.
An out of breath Gingrich tried to speak to reporters today, but struggled because he was out of breath. His spokesman did...
New Jersey, NJ--Real music fans were saddened to hear that Jon Bon Jovi is still alive. It seems it was just a internet hoax of the talentless wonders death.
"I woke-up and heard the great news, Jon Bon Jovi died, but it was not to be. I can stil...
Lake Geneva, Wis--Charlotte the deer is going to live. She won't be facing the death penalty that was the judgement the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources gave her.
"We were going to be sneaky about it, but Marvin Graaf whined to the media...
New York, NY--Kermit the Frog made a rare prime time appearance on The O'Reilly Factor to defend the new Muppets movie.
Kermit the Frog did get a little beligerent went O'Reilly called the movie a weak attempt at class warfare.
"You F@$king id...
Madison, Wis--Scott Walker is sticking to the fact he isn't a crook, and did nothing wrong when he didn't fire people in his office that were stealing from the county by not doing what they were paid to do. He just gave high paying state jobs to thos...
Washington--Newt Gingrich wants to be a role model for the poor, because he believes he is the man to do it.
"I think the poor need a role model like me, someone that didn't want to do the hard work to become a tenured professor. They need someon...
Washington--Newt Gingrich isn't sure if he is running for president or just promoting his production company.
"Instead of campaigning, I am signing books. What the hell? I want to be taken as a serious presidential candidate. Sure, Obama did it w...
Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker thinks it is afraid of people that openly carry their firearms. He held a press conference to announce that he fears crazy gun owners.
"I want to be safe, and think it is dangerous to around people that need to tak...
Seattle, Washington--Barstucks has been charging customers a small fee for the coffee smell of their coffee.
"At Barstucks we do the best to create the best customer experience and that means charging more for the coffee smell. It is the best sme...
Madison, Wis--Scott Walker was still touting the fact he didn't raise taxes to balance the budget.
"I am the CEO of the state of Wisconsin and I am doing a great job. People should get off my back. I made the tough choices of sticking to union wor...
Washington--The Republican Party can accept rich black men, but they can't accept cheating rich black men that sleep with white women.
"I don't believe Republicans are that transparent, but I do think they still don't like the idea of a black man...