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Mitt Romney Shocked Republicans Don't Like Him

Washington--Mitt Romney seemed shocked that Republicans would attack him for being Republican. "Doesn't the Republican Party stand for unfettered capitalism, large amounts of wealth, and token gestures to the poor and middle class? Because I thou...

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Scott Walker creates jobs for ghosts at shuttered GM plant

Madison, Wis--Scott Walker's is big on creating jobs, so big on creating jobs that he created jobs for ghosts at a shutter GM plant in Janesville, WI. "I said I was going to created 250,000 jobs in Wisconsin by 2015, but I didn't say that they we...

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Scott Walker Worried Jail He Is Going to Might Have Union Guards

Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker is beginning to worry that he might be going to jail, because close aides of his are getting charged with felonies. "I am worried these jails in Wisconsin might have guards that are in the unions, if I am lucky,...

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Glenn Beck: "Progressives Are to Blame for History Books

Washington--Glenn Beck is letting everyone know that Progressives are the reason we have history books in public schools. "I just want my listeners to know that progressives are the reason we have history books in public schools. They know that i...

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Jesus sent Tebow to Broncos as a joke

Heaven--Jesus sent Tim Tebow to the Broncos as a joke, and as a way to help Him heal from the pain of the Broncos beat the Packers in Superbowl XXXII. "I thought I was over the Broncos beating the Packers, but in the spring of 2010, about two week...

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Number of jackasses drops by 100% after caucuses

Iowa--The number of jackasses in Iowa dropped 100% after the caucuses were held on Tuesday. Leaving the state pretty jackass free. "I was really getting sick of see Newt Gingrich in my favorite dinner. That lard ass was always eating the last pie...

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Mitt Romney spending money on ads, not jobs

Washington--Mitt Romney loves money and the power that money brings, but he doesn't feel guilty about the amount of money he is spending to buy his ticket to the White House. "I understand we could use a few of the millions of dollars to put Amer...

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Out of shape Newt Gingrich falling behind in presidental race

Washington--An out of shape Newt Gingrich is slowly falling behind in the race for the White House because is out of shape. An out of breath Gingrich tried to speak to reporters today, but struggled because he was out of breath. His spokesman did...

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Real Music Fans Sad to Hear Jon Bon Jovi Still Alive

New Jersey, NJ--Real music fans were saddened to hear that Jon Bon Jovi is still alive. It seems it was just a internet hoax of the talentless wonders death. "I woke-up and heard the great news, Jon Bon Jovi died, but it was not to be. I can stil...

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Charlotte the deer saved

Lake Geneva, Wis--Charlotte the deer is going to live. She won't be facing the death penalty that was the judgement the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources gave her. "We were going to be sneaky about it, but Marvin Graaf whined to the media...

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Kermit the Frog Goes on O'Reilly to defend new Muppet movie

New York, NY--Kermit the Frog made a rare prime time appearance on The O'Reilly Factor to defend the new Muppets movie. Kermit the Frog did get a little beligerent went O'Reilly called the movie a weak attempt at class warfare. "You F@$king id...

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Scott Walker not a crook, just the people he surrounds himself with are crooks

Madison, Wis--Scott Walker is sticking to the fact he isn't a crook, and did nothing wrong when he didn't fire people in his office that were stealing from the county by not doing what they were paid to do. He just gave high paying state jobs to thos...

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Newt wants to be a role model for the poor

Washington--Newt Gingrich wants to be a role model for the poor, because he believes he is the man to do it. "I think the poor need a role model like me, someone that didn't want to do the hard work to become a tenured professor. They need someon...

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Newt isn't sure he is running for president or promoting his brand

Washington--Newt Gingrich isn't sure if he is running for president or just promoting his production company. "Instead of campaigning, I am signing books. What the hell? I want to be taken as a serious presidential candidate. Sure, Obama did it w...

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Scott Walker afraid of people openly carry firearms

Madison, Wisconsin--Scott Walker thinks it is afraid of people that openly carry their firearms. He held a press conference to announce that he fears crazy gun owners. "I want to be safe, and think it is dangerous to around people that need to tak...

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Barstucks charged customers for coffee smell of their coffee

Seattle, Washington--Barstucks has been charging customers a small fee for the coffee smell of their coffee. "At Barstucks we do the best to create the best customer experience and that means charging more for the coffee smell. It is the best sme...

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Wisconsin lost more jobs in October, but Scott Walker still happy with his progress

Madison, Wis--Scott Walker was still touting the fact he didn't raise taxes to balance the budget. "I am the CEO of the state of Wisconsin and I am doing a great job. People should get off my back. I made the tough choices of sticking to union wor...

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Republicans can't accept cheating black man

Washington--The Republican Party can accept rich black men, but they can't accept cheating rich black men that sleep with white women. "I don't believe Republicans are that transparent, but I do think they still don't like the idea of a black man...

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Breaking news…

Referendum To Ban And Remove Trump

Gosh, since Ireland was successful with their referendum to remove the ban on abortion, can the U.S. have a referendum to ban and remove Trump?
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