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More likely to get run over than to go to prison for knife crime

Funny story: More likely to get run over than to go to prison for knife crime

Phoenix Joe has just seen newly released statistics that you are more likely to get run over by a car than you are to go to prison for committing a knife crime in the UK. Which makes no sense of all the NuLab government claims to be getting tough on...

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Simon Cowell to Sue David Gilmour

Funny story: Simon Cowell to Sue David Gilmour

The news that Susan Boyle and David Gilmour are to team up and record a Pink Floyd tribute album as exclusively reported by Phoenix Joe has certainly set the airwaves buzzing. Simon Cowell (a TV presenter) has just issued a statement that he inte...

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Cameron invites the Daleks to join the coalition

Funny story: Cameron invites the Daleks to join the coalition

Prime Minister David Cameron has extended an invitation to the Daleks to join the UK's coalition government (but not the gay or Pakistani ones). Phoenix Joe asked Mr Cameron to explain what was behind this latest rather perplexing move. "Well Pho...

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Obama says BP should pay off the entire US national debt

Funny story: Obama says BP should pay off the entire US national debt

Startling news from the U.S. - president Obama has said he wants BP to pay off the entire U.S. national debt because they are a bunch of naughty white boys…. And he wants them to do it by next Thursday - in addition they must solve the age old proble...

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David Gilmour Teams with Susan Boyle to Record Pink Floyd Tribute album

Funny story: David Gilmour Teams with Susan Boyle to Record Pink Floyd Tribute album

Guitar legend David Gilmour has announced that he is teaming up with Susan Boyle to form a brand new Pink Floyd tribute band. David said "this is not a new Pink Floyd, there will be no new songs, and we are just going to do the old stuff. Susan is...

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David Cameron invites Sir Terry Leahy to Join Coalition

Funny story: David Cameron invites Sir Terry Leahy to Join Coalition

Our nice new PM has been reported to have invited Sir Terry Leahy the retiring CEO of Tesco to join the coalition government. "Let's face it Tesco has more money than the government - so we would be pretty stupid to not ask him for help" said Da...

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Scientist unveils 'Stupid Pill'

Funny story: Scientist unveils 'Stupid Pill'

Phoenix Joe was privileged to attend a news conference held at top London hotel and sponsored by leading drug companies where Dr Jonathon Livingstone-Foreskin presented a new 'Stupid Pill' he has developed. The Dr began by explaining "as society...

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Wayne Rooney to Quit Football

Funny story: Wayne Rooney to Quit Football

Sensational as it may seem, Phoenix Joe can exclusively report that Wayne Rooney (a footballer player) has announced his intentions to quit the erm, beautiful game and pursue an academic career after the World Cup. "Well, like I'm just erm ****in...

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Final Big Brother - Highlights from Ten Years

Funny story: Final Big Brother - Highlights from Ten Years

Here we are as the final Big Brother is about to get underway. Ten years (is it only ten?) have passed since the UK's contribution to world cultural development crawled out from under a broadcasting stone. Here Phoenix Joe presents the highligh...

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Profits from 'Genuine Replica' Football Shirts Used to Finance Illegal Wars

Funny story: Profits from 'Genuine Replica' Football Shirts Used to Finance Illegal Wars

Exhaustive enquiries by your Truth Hound, Phoenix Joe reveal the shocking truth that the profits from 'Genuine Replica' (whatever that may mean) football shirts end up financing illegal wars in far flung countries like Afghanistan and Iraq. The...

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BP Awarded UK Oil Slick Contract

Funny story: BP Awarded UK Oil Slick Contract

Phoenix Joe has just been informed that BP has been awarded a lucrative contact by the UK coalition government following their "impressive efforts" to contain the small leak (caused by faulty American equipment and faulty American workers) in the Gul...

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Derrick Bird was the Smoke Monster

Funny story: Derrick Bird was the Smoke Monster

Following further detailed investigations and snooping, Phoenix Joe can reveal that Birdy's obsession with the TV series Lost went deeper than most people imagined. Original theories suggested that Bird's disenchantment with the controversial end...

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David Cameron to put UK on Ebay

Funny story: David Cameron to put UK on Ebay

In a private conversation with Phoenix Joe at a House of Commons bar, Prime Minister David Cameron revealed that the economic plight of the UK is actually far worse than he had dared to think. Dave finished his large G&T, stared into the empty...

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Cameron to ban 'boy bands'

Funny story: Cameron to ban 'boy bands'

British PM, David 'very nice' Cameron has announced that the coalition government is to outlaw Boy Bands in the UK. The welcome news was announced at a press conference inside 10 Downing Street early today - Phoenix Joe, truth hound and man on the...

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Thai Government Issues Travel Warning for UK

Funny story: Thai Government Issues Travel Warning for UK

Following the violent scenes of violence and fatal death in the North of England the Royal Thai Government has issued travel warnings for all Thai Citizens prohibiting travel to the UK and the particularly nasty Lake District. Phoenix Joe was th...

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Derrick Bird - the 'truth'

Funny story: Derrick Bird - the 'truth'

Breaking news seems to indicate that Derrick Bird (the UK's latest in a long line of distinguished mass murderers) was driven to his shooting rampage not by petty annoyances like a family feud or fear of being hounded by the tax man. Your truth...

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Breaking news…

Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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