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Lionel Richie Finally Apologizes for "Penny Lover"

Funny story: Lionel Richie Finally Apologizes for "Penny Lover"

Beverly Hills- After years of agonizing anticipation, music lovers around the world finally have received an apology from Lionel Richie for the recording and release of the 1983 song Penny Lover. When news of the mea culpa broke, fans slowly gath...

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Hugh Hefner Engaged to Himself, Simultaneously Comes out of the Closet

Funny story: Hugh Hefner Engaged to Himself, Simultaneously Comes out of the Closet

Los Angeles- Startling friends and former lovers and former playmates and former lovers of playmates and former friends of lovers of playmates, and former lovers of friends of playmates, Hugh Hefner announced today that he is marrying himself and co...

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In-Laws Come to Visit - Terror Alert Status Raised to Severe

Funny story: In-Laws Come to Visit - Terror Alert Status Raised to Severe

Chicago, Illinois- A visibly shaken Charles Wilkinson alerted authorities this afternoon to a new and compelling threat to national security, or maybe just to his sanity, as his wife's mother and father, Norman and Myrna Bombenek, have yet to leave...

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Al Qaeda operatives hijack model airplane

Funny story: Al Qaeda operatives hijack model airplane

Security officials in the United States and abroad are scrambling this afternoon to thwart a potentially devastating terrorist attack and to quickly develop an effective strategy for dealing with what appears to be a new direction being taken by al...

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Family of four found living under William Shatner's toupee

Funny story: Family of four found living under William Shatner's toupee

Startling reports out of Los Angeles this afternoon reveal that a practically microscopic family has been living under William Shatner's toupee for decades without notice. The shockingly teeny Mudd family apparently migrated from the fur of a tri...

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Scientific study reveals that life, in fact, is not a cabaret

Funny story: Scientific study reveals that life, in fact, is not a cabaret

In a devastating blow to old chum, among others, researchers at Stanford University have concluded that life most definitely is not a cabaret. The 6 billion dollar taxpayer-funded study also concluded that life is not at all like a box of chocolates,...

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Man trips over curb in Greenwich Village; Al Qaeda claims responsibility

New York- After a tourist from Oklahoma shockingly stumbled over a curb in downtown Manhattan today, Al Qaeda in Afghanistan quickly claimed responsibility and vowed that Americans should brace for similar and even more devastating attacks. Whil...

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Levi Johnston lobbies for additional 15 minutes of fame; hopes to knock up another celebrity daughter by end of summer

Los Angeles- Levi Johnston, fresh off his stunningly forgettable Playgirl shoot, announced to a packed press conference of 3 or 4 reporters that he was ready to take the exploitation of his fortunate teenage liaison with the daughter of former Vice P...

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Obama apologizes to Wall Street: Actually meant to blame Sesame Street for Nation's financial woes

Funny story: Obama apologizes to Wall Street: Actually meant to blame Sesame Street for Nation's financial woes

Washington, D.C.: President Obama sheepishly apologized today for his incessant attacks on Wall Street over the first 15 months of his presidency. Claiming that he often mixes up the inanimate objects he likes to blame for our nation's troubles, Oba...

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White Guy Doesn't Say "N" word, Apologizes Anyway

New York- A visibly shaken Caucasian male took to Facebook, Twitter and YouTube today so that he could profusely apologize for not saying the "N" word. "I'm disgusted with myself," reported Timothy Johnson, a convenience store clerk putting himse...

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Rich Get Richer As Oprah Eats Donald Trump

Funny story: Rich Get Richer As Oprah Eats Donald Trump

New York- Shocking reports out of New York City tonight suggest that Oprah Winfrey has consumed one of the world's richest men. Stunned and horrified Celebrity Apprentice contestants were informed this afternoon that 'the Donald' was chased down...

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Amish Renounce Simple Ways; Hope to Complicate Lives by Year-End

Lancaster- During a stunning press conference held earlier today, Amish spokesperson, Martha Lapp, unveiled an ambitious and coordinated plan designed to eradicate the Mennonite's modest and simple manner of living in an effort to complicate their l...

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March Madness Takes on Literal Meaning as Entire College Basketball Team Actually Goes Mad

Indianapolis- Stunned NCAA officials are scrambling this afternoon as they attempt to deal with 16 stark raving mad college basketball players running amok across downtown Indianapolis. "Apparently, this particular group of young men took the te...

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Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwa Against Naughty American Poodle

Funny story: Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwa Against Naughty American Poodle

San Francisco- Incensed Islamic extremists issued a fatwa early this evening against an American Muslim Poodle accused of breeding with an infidel St. Bernard named Herb. "Crystal," the Standard Poodle in question, "has been seeing Herb at a local d...

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Congressional Democrats Consider Waterboarding Harry Reid

Washington- Frustrated by plummeting poll numbers and facing tough reelection campaigns this November, several senate Democrats have proposed waterboarding Harry Reid. Apparently, a fair number of his colleagues consider Reid the very face of the...

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Adolf Hitler Reportedly Alive and Living in Mexico City with Conjoined Jewish Twins

Funny story: Adolf Hitler Reportedly Alive and Living in Mexico City with Conjoined Jewish Twins

Mexico City- Shocking reports out of Mexico City suggest that Adolf Hitler is alive and has been cohabitating with Jewish conjoined twins, Golda and Miriam Slotski, since 1962. "I saw him. I swear I did. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I definite...

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French General Threatens China, then Quickly Takes it Back

Funny story: French General Threatens China, then Quickly Takes it Back

Paris- French officials are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their enraged Chinese counterparts. The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon...

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Rhode Island Announces Plans to Secede from United States, Align itself with Zanzibar

Finally fed up with being classified as the America's smallest state and with the perceived lack of respect accompanying that classification, teeny, weeny Rhode Island announced plans today to sever ties with the other 49 states. With size in mi...

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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