New York - A New York judge presiding over a forthcoming Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act [RICO] lawsuit brought by super major Chevron against supporters of an Ecuadorean $19billion embezzlement fraud is to rule whether a retired U...
NYC, New York - "Says right here some guy's going to jail maybe for spending half a million on a dead Norfolk broad," a puzzled Upper East Side taxicab driver said today, "some kinda necrophilia stunt, eh, like you Brits are SO kinky?"
The fast-br...
London - The Queen's practically had a heart attack at the news that a Kate Middleton garden gnome 'looking like it had swallowed a mouthful' was found in a state of flagrente delicto at a Chelsea Flower Show preview party.
Modeled on pregnant roy...
Space - "We think it's part of the same ancient comet that first brought cannabis to Planet Earth," a NASA sky watch source said today, "wiping out the dinosaurs in one massive bong hit."
At 1.7 miles long the asteroid is apparently covered in a...
Washington AC/DC - This weekend's twist in a timeless Spy Who Shagged Me script sees Barry O's ass in a sling alright.
Furious CIA spin is pinning the blame on a clownish Moscow desk junior secretary, caught cack-handed in a KGB swoop attempting t...
London - "There will be circumstances," Home Secretary Theresa May said today, "when keeping yer gob shut and pleading The Fifth will be in the best interests of the Conservative Party."
That means people who have been arrested should not be named...
Washington DC - US President Barack Obama has shocked British TV viewers after revealing much of his face is pitted with blackheads.
Speaking to White House reporters during a meeting with UK Prime Minister David Cameron the President displayed a...
The Gorbals, Glasgow - Demoted in the ranks for gross misconduct the former Primate of Scotland has been ordered into exile from his Scottish stamping ground for processing and re-assimilation at a Vatican exorcism.
Ex-Cardinal Keith O'Brien will...
Pyongyang - The arrest of alleged CIA spy Ryan Fogle in a Moscow sting op has seen Mossad's top North Korea desk intelligence officer piss herself with laughter at the ploy.
"Some audacity of dope, eh?" Commander Ziva Davide [no relation] chuckle...
New York - "Looks like Braille for Suck It 'N' See!" the Hollywood actress chuckled about the new nipple areolas tattooed on her post-mastectomy reconstructed breasts as footage of the new boobs went viral on the net.
Jolie, 69, had just opened up...
Washington AC/DC - "Dave, there's absolutely nothing we can do," the President told a bewildered-looking Brit Prime Monster who'd been brought up to believe that it's The Borg who's in charge.
"Q's got us over a barrel of sweet light crude," the p...
Washington - The niche funding opportunity arose following the collapse of Rupert Murdoch's NewsCorpse Inc's controversial off-piste news gathering superstructure.
Fierce lobbying by daft Scouser Cherry Bush saw the USAID slush fund run by Hillary...
Space - "Luckily the salon had just completed its last anal bleaching job," ISS spokesperson Maj Dmitry Dumpkoff commented, "before a rupture sent millions of gallons of hydrogen peroxide into outer space."
The mishap occurred shortly after this m...
NASA HQ, Groom Lake, Nevada - In oils - crude if you like, sweet light crude.
That's the remit of a $1 million commission to capture the presidential image on a 10' x 6' canvas, quarter-sawn walnut or Egyptian papyrus.
And Ray the-alien-path...
Pacific Ocean - An annular eclipse in the Earth sign of Taurus will trace a path across the world's most volatile tectonic zone on Friday.
Beginning around half-past midnight GMT the 'Ring of Fire' cakewalk will take in a notorious seismic quagmir...
London - Professional profilers analyzing serial monster Jimmy Savile's depraved 60-year rampage are asking the inevitable, 'just how really bad was this bastard?'
A confidential briefing this week will see sleuths from the Met's Serious & Or...
New York - The International Shyster Lawyers Association has awarded Tony B Liar its prestigious Lifetime Achievement Gong for inspirational groundwork in New York's forthcoming Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations - RICO - lawsuit against...
London - Wednesday's state ceremony will feature a remote controlled latex mannequin whose batteries are powered by low-emission biofuel gas.
"Who cares if it looks like Abu Hamza in drag, eh?" Prince Philip chuckled as Palace puppeteers finalized...