Showing stories written by C. Cranium

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Funny story: Tree Bark Diet Guarantees Weight Loss

Tree Bark Diet Guarantees Weight Loss

Two species of trees are known to have edible bark: the Ginkgo biloba, and the Acer pubica, or common exposed maple. Ginkgo is readily available in health food stores and used in various concoctions. Ginkgo is known to promote robust lateral phe...
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Funny story: Tina Turner Rocks Egypt

Tina Turner Rocks Egypt

The next concert date for Tina Turner is Feb. 4, 2011. Not so weird for a 77-year-old foxy rocker 'rollin down the river'. The venue however is pretty unusual - it's at the Pyramids and its sponsored by Hosni Mubarak. Appearing with Tin...
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Funny story: State of Union becomes 51st State

State of Union becomes 51st State

Shortly after president Obama's State of the Union speech a group of influential senators and congressmen from both parties met to discuss legislation that would leapfrog the competitors in the global race for economic dominance. After a few cou...
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Funny story: Cold Fusion Returns

Cold Fusion Returns

Those scientist guys Ferrante and Telcher were famous for a brief moment when they created energy from nothing and called it Cold Fusion. The world was amazed and anxious for the near future when energy was free. Other scientists however were...
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Funny story: New York Bermuda Triangle

New York Bermuda Triangle

In recent years more than 40 automobiles, drivers, and passengers have disappeared for days while navigating on roads and highways in up-state New York. Little news of these occurrences ever reaches the media who is blinded by purported intellectua...
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Funny story: Urinals for the Masses

Urinals for the Masses

Ads for new products in the plumbing industry tend to sizzle with lackluster. Eyelids are at half-mast when the latest drain cleaner ad airs on network TV and even when the secret ingredient is plastic explosives. There is however a new plumbing...
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Funny story: Yasser Arafat was a Comedian and then a Terrorist

Yasser Arafat was a Comedian and then a Terrorist

Archeologists in Syria have discovered a modern terrorist hideout amongst ancient ruins located near the King Habibi Airport. Thousand year old artifacts were discovered along with skeletal parts during the construction of a Habibi Hummus fast food...
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Funny story: Jeter Dumps Yankees and Becomes Hindu

Jeter Dumps Yankees and Becomes Hindu

Derrick Jeter, frustrated by lack of new big honking contract, has forsaken baseball for cricket and Christianity for Hinduism. Effective March 1, 2011 Derek Jeter will suit up in the orange and more orange of the Mumbai Monkeys. Contract and...
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Funny story: Human Mutation Factors Identified

Human Mutation Factors Identified

Life for mankind during the twentieth century was a roller coaster of immense changes and extreme pressure on brains geared for hunter gathering. To date the scientific explanation as to what the volley of changes has meant to genes and DNA has been...
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Funny story: Scary Winter Forecast for Hawaii

Scary Winter Forecast for Hawaii

It is fall and the waves are getting big, the surfers are stoked, and the dreaded Hawaiian winter is rapidly approaching. Weather predictions are particularly dire for this year where daily highs may only reach 78 Fahrenheit during the dark month of...
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Funny story: David Sedaris Releases New Book, 'Boxing for Pain'

David Sedaris Releases New Book, 'Boxing for Pain'

David Sedaris, famous Santa's Elf, has written another life experience book that takes him in a surprising new and unexpected direction. As with his other books there are stand-alone chapters with hilarious stories; hunting and cooking truffles, arg...
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Funny story: Rastafarian Rats Raid Reno

Rastafarian Rats Raid Reno

Sparks, Nevada. Locals always wondered what the Revlon employees did at the factory building next to the old Harrah's Auto collection museum. The building has no windows and the employees, friendly enough, always said they were under contract not...
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Funny story: Read this Spoof and Get a Dollar

Read this Spoof and Get a Dollar

Spoof writer BurgeoningIndustry has an ingenious business plan based on the saying 'you have to spend money to make money', that he believes will make him millions. Investors all agree that money doesn't grow on carrot trees, and that gold at the en...
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Funny story: SpoofZombies Attack Newspaper Office

SpoofZombies Attack Newspaper Office

Late last night several odd characters attacked the news office of the Ashland Daily Tidings in Ashland, Oregon, as staff was working on a late breaking only-important-to-locals story. The attackers burst in through the front door and stomped toward...
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Funny story: USGA Changes Rules for Drivers

USGA Changes Rules for Drivers

Tired of that slice into the woods that guarantees a double bogie even if all the other shots are your best ever? Or maybe you are frustrated and intimidated by the water on number two at your local club. That is the water that requires you to hit...
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Funny story: Picassos stolen by Robotic Flies

Picassos stolen by Robotic Flies

The Seattle Art Museum opened today with few patrons waiting at the doors, uneventful and relaxed. Josh Littlebear, reception desk guard, was hoping for more activity so the day went fast. Ten minutes later the front doors were jammed with two tour...
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Funny story: Endangered Condors Terrorize Beach Bathers

Endangered Condors Terrorize Beach Bathers

California Condors released into the wilds, high above the beach line, feed on carrion like dead deer or seals. The southern and central coastline is the Condor's former habitat and biologists expected the few birds that were released to thrive.
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Funny story: Polanski is Back with the 'Hummus Factor'

Polanski is Back with the 'Hummus Factor'

The latest thriller extravaganza is an endie film, The 'Hummus Factor', that is well financed, written and directed by none other than Roman Polanski. There is some of Chinatown in this movie, but it is all new with thrills, all foreign setting, and...
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Despite Celebrating Crowds, Mugabe of Zimbabwe Won't Recognize Coup

The 93-year old thinks it's his birthday again and thanks all the demonstrators.
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