Tucson, AZ - In the wake of the shooting of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords, in which six people were killed and 13 others were injured, a spokesman for Giffords' Republican opponent dismissed claims that the 2010 campaign's heated rhetoric...
Iconic musician Sir Elton John gets no rest of late. It's not because his infant son Zachary keeps him awake at night; Zachary is, by all accounts, a surprisingly well-tempered baby. Rather, the ghost of actor Tony Randall has taken it upon himself...
As another football season ends for the Minnesota Vikings, retiring quarterback Brett Favre announced his plans to pursue a second career as a professional photographer.
"I'm leaving professional football behind me--no, really, I am--for real, thi...
Washington, D.C. - Capitol Hill correspondent Amethyst Ryder spoke with U.S. Representative John Boehner (R-OH) on Thursday as he settled into his new role as Speaker of the House.
"There are going to be some changes around here," Boehner said as...
In a rare statement issued from the afterlife, actor Tony Randall dismissed concerns that Elton John is too old to be a new father.
"Too old? Ridiculous," said Randall, who died in 2004 at the age of 84. "Why, I was more than ten years older tha...
Outer Suburbia, Minnesota - While many people were heralding the arrival of 2011 with revelry and fireworks and kneeling before the Porcelain God, local resident Helena Handbasket stayed home and watched the entire four seasons of Black Adder, plus B...
Scottish singer Susan Boyle shocked the world as she announced in a press conference today that she is the mother of the baby born to famous gay couple Sir Elton John and David Furnish.
"When Sir Elton approached me, I thought, well, there's one m...
More than two-thirds of Americans surveyed agree that America is Number One on Planet Earth.
In a recent Yeehaw! poll, a random selection of Americans were asked to answer the question, "Do you agree with the statement that America is the greatest...
Reports that the body of pop star Michael Jackson has gone missing have spurred one celebrity watcher to make a startling counter-claim: there never was a body to begin with.
"The 80s phenom known as Michael Jackson was a chimera," claims pop cul...
Millions of years ago, dinosaurs roared upon the Earth. That is the startling discovery of Reina McSpamster, 18 months, of Outer Suburbia, Minnesota.
This author accompanied McSpamster on a recent expedition to the Science Museum of Minnesota, w...
In a move that registered 4.2 on the Richter Scale, longtime spoofer Skoob1999 has, without warning and for no reason apparent to anyone observing, changed the avatar he uses on the Discussion Forum at TheSpoof.com.
Instead of a cartoon man hunche...
Due to the annihilation of the Gulf of Mexico's shrimp population by the BP oil catastrophe, creative coastal cooks have turned to vegetarian shrimp as a substitute.
"Our city was built on shrimp," said New Orleans chef Martin Mouton. "Well, actu...
A "warning from the Lord" was revealed this week in Monroe, Ohio, says a minister in nearby Ohnoes. Touchdown Jesus, a 60-foot plastic foam and fiberglass statue with arms raised high like a football referee, went up in smoke on June 14 when lightni...
A worldwide network of illicit distribution of counterfeit ramen noodle products continues to elude the grasp of the finest minds in police investigation. Based upon traditional Asian noodle soups made from basic food ingredients, these desiccated,...
Dozens of fans of the open-source computer operating system Linux congregated at the Craterton Civic Center this weekend. Presentations centered around the convention's theme, "Linux: Not for Dummies."
"Why put up with the security holes and blo...
In a new campaign to get automobiles to share the road, Catholic sisters are marching side by side in city streets to proclaim: "Nuns are traffic, too!"
The movement, dubbed "Critical Mass, Novus Ordo," was inspired by a similar movement initiate...
The sleepy little suburb of Shadyville was shaken early Sunday when Donough Whut, 42, was taken into custody on charges of running over a two-year-old child with a lawn mower.
"What's the big deal?" he said. "I was mowing my lawn, giving my aweso...
A regular customer of the local Trader Joe's, known commonly among staff and fellow customers as "the Food Nazi," claimed to have been assaulted by another customer while shopping at the store on Saturday.
"It's an outrage," snapped Holly Sheet, 3...