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Funny story: U.S. Government To Create Draft Lottery To Ensure Adequate Supply of Daily Shooting Victims

U.S. Government To Create Draft Lottery To Ensure Adequate Supply of Daily Shooting Victims

The United States government today announced it would institute a draft lottery to ensure an adequate supply of victims for the now daily mass shootings taking place across the country. The government, at the behest of an assortment of armed luna...
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Funny story: New Law Would Compel American Voters To Look At, Listen To, and Have Competent Authority Describe The Politicians They Will Vote For Before Voting For Them

New Law Would Compel American Voters To Look At, Listen To, and Have Competent Authority Describe The Politicians They Will Vote For Before Voting For Them

In a bid to make American voters more educated about, and possibly reconsider, their decision to vote, lawmakers have passed a law requiring American voters to look at, listen to, and have a competent authority describe the politicians they will vote...
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Funny story: Obama: Causing A Few Explosions In The Midst Thousands of Other Explosions Will Send A Clear Message

Obama: Causing A Few Explosions In The Midst Thousands of Other Explosions Will Send A Clear Message

President Obama announced today that in order to maintain credibility in the Middle East the U.S. will cause a few explosions in the war-torn country of Syria. These carefully planned and executed explosions, which may number in the tens if not d...
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Funny story: President Obama Comes Out

President Obama Comes Out

In a hastily called press conference held this morning President Obama came out of the closet and admitted that he's Republican. "I can't fight it anymore. I've been covering up who I really am my whole political life," the President said. Th...
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Funny story: American Media Supports Jailed Free Speech Dissident, Jailing Free Speech Dissident

American Media Supports Jailed Free Speech Dissident, Jailing Free Speech Dissident

The American press is loudly calling for the release of jailed free speech activist and Nobel Peace Prize Winner Liu Xiaobo while at the same time calling for the jailing of Wikileaks founder and free speech activist Julian Assange. Xiaobo and As...
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Funny story: In Wikileaks' Wake American Press Goes Into Full Government Lapdog Mode

In Wikileaks' Wake American Press Goes Into Full Government Lapdog Mode

Wikileaks release of countless documents that detail the corrupt and shadowy dealings of the U.S. government worldwide have caused the American media to go into full lapdog mode in defense of government secrecy. In editorials, blogs and TV shows the...
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Funny story: Wikileaks Dumps Several Trillion Private Conversations; Countless Families, Friendships Sundered

Wikileaks Dumps Several Trillion Private Conversations; Countless Families, Friendships Sundered

Wikileaks today publicly dumped several trillion conversations held between billions of individuals, most of which were assumed to be private. The conversations reveal deep personal feelings of hatred, animosity, vindictiveness, pettiness and other b...
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Funny story: Bieber, Cyrus, Swift Sweep American Mediocrity Awards

Bieber, Cyrus, Swift Sweep American Mediocrity Awards

Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber, white trash exotic dancer-in-training Miley Cyrus and serial dater Taylor Swift swept the American Mediocrity Awards last night. The singers in the last year have taken over $1 billion from the parents of shrieki...
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Funny story: Latest Public Appearance of Pain-Stricken Cheney Brings Joy To Billions

Latest Public Appearance of Pain-Stricken Cheney Brings Joy To Billions

Dick Cheney appeared publicly for the first time today at the dedication of the George W. Bush Presidential Library in Houston, TX. The former vice president, looking frail, tired and sickly, gave renewed hope to billions of human beings that his...
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Funny story: Economically Lagging U.S. Still Leads World In Number of Gay-Ass Bakeries

Economically Lagging U.S. Still Leads World In Number of Gay-Ass Bakeries

The Department of Commerce and Department of Labor jointly reported today that while the U.S. may no longer be the world's preeminent industrial superpower it still continues to outpace the world in its number of gay-ass bakeries. The number of gay-a...
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Funny story: Election Provides Fresh Excuses For Reps and Dems To Accomplish Nothing

Election Provides Fresh Excuses For Reps and Dems To Accomplish Nothing

Washington, D.C.--Democratic and Republican politicians continue their rejoicing today at the results of the November 2 election. The newly divided congress has elected members of both parties breathing easier at the prospect of two full years of get...
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Funny story: Birthers Widen Net: Challenge Legality of Eight Presidencies

Birthers Widen Net: Challenge Legality of Eight Presidencies

Undeterred by setbacks in its challenge to the legality of President Barack Obama's presidency, the Birther Movement has widened its scope by challenging the legality of eight other U.S. presidencies. The Birther movement, so-called because it insist...
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Funny story: Microsoft Launches Inferior iPad Imitation

Microsoft Launches Inferior iPad Imitation

Redmond, WA--Today Microsoft Corporation announced the launch of it's electronic tablet device the xPad. Replete with all the features and functionality that has made Microsoft a synonym for "inferior" the xPad is intended to compete with Apple's wil...
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Funny story: New Book: Titanic Sunk By Controlled Demolition

New Book: Titanic Sunk By Controlled Demolition

A new book being published this week says that the RMS Titanic, the largest ocean liner of its era, was sunk not by an iceberg but by a controlled demolition. The book, "Titanic Cover-Up: The Century Long Cover-up of The Twentieth Century's Greatest...
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Funny story: U.S. Announces Surge of Buzzwords and Catchphrases In Afghanistan

U.S. Announces Surge of Buzzwords and Catchphrases In Afghanistan

In an attempt to stabilize and improve the security situation in Afghanistan the United States government announced today a second "surge," this one consisting of buzzwords and catchphrases. The cliches, many coming directly from deployment in Iraq,...
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Funny story: Americans Using Up Disproportionate Share of World's Noise

Americans Using Up Disproportionate Share of World's Noise

The inhabitants of the United States are using noise at a rate out of all proportion to their numbers. While Americans make up only about 5% of the world's population they are using over 30% of the noise each year. Lawnmowers, leaf blowers, weed whac...
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Funny story: George Bush Almost Finished Drawing His Autobiography

George Bush Almost Finished Drawing His Autobiography

George W. Bush has almost finished drawing his autobiography, says Bush's publisher Marvel Comics. The comic book producer landed the coveted book contract with the former president shortly after he left office in January, 2009. Marvel said Bush chos...
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Funny story: Scientists Conclude Women Really Don't Like You

Scientists Conclude Women Really Don't Like You

A team of top researchers from every field of human interaction have concluded that women just don't like you. Their year long study, commissioned by you, observed every interaction you've had with single eligible women and found that consistently an...
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Breaking News...

NYPD snorts of derision at latest drug story

Apparently a 'baffled' FIT student found10 pounds of coke in her luggage and voluntarily turned it in

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