Legendary prophet and son of God, Jesus Christ is the latest in the line of 'Plastic Brits' to sign up for Team GB at the 2012 London Olympics.
The Messiah has shown an interest in several sports in his time spent in the afterlife and has recently...
Queen Elizabeth II is to celebrate her 60 years on the throne by going on the mother of all benders with other members of the Royal family.
She is hoping to start the day by getting twatted on champagne in the Bonapartes pub on Buckingham Palace R...
Beleaguered Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini has admitted that contrary to popular belief, wayward striker Mario Baletolli is not his son.
'I do not know who started this rumour' said Mancini 'but I can confirm that although I know his mother...
The manager of the London Wetlands Centre admitted today that he overheard Terry the bird feeder call Ferdinand the Eurasion Coot a 'black c##t'.
'I was shocked' said Mr Warnock who has managed the bird sanctuary in West London for 2 years. 'I can...
He hasn't yet correctly predicted the end of the world, but Nostradamus did manage to predict the end of Britain's biggest selling tabloid, the News of the World.
This is the shock news revealed today by Britain's leading psychic and astrologer Ru...
The Mayor of London Boris Johnson has today announced that the Jubilee Line will be closed for good and filled with billions of tonnes of excrement.
After months of suffering for commuters who have had to put up with such excuses as broken down tr...
A 5 year old cat from Wembley is the favourite to win Britain's Got Talent after performing a stand up routine featuring several hilarious impressions.
'He's fantastic' squealed new judge Michael Mcintyre. 'The moment he walked on stage I just cou...
A top university is giving its students the opportunity to learn how to write satirical stories in an effort to improve the quality of spoof writing on the internet.
In a recent online survey by the comedy spoofing website, the BBC, over 75% of t...
Andrew 'Clemo' Clemo, the captain of the defeated York team in the University Challenge final, emerged from the BBC studios with a cheeky grin on his face and his own personal trophy.
Not the impressive glass ornament that was being clutched by Ma...
Pop legend Michael Jackson has made an unexpected appearance in London, England almost 2 years after his untimely death.
The singer who had hits such as Thriller and Ebony and Ivory featuring Sir Paul McCartney, was unveiled in front of Fulham FC'...
Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney stunned millions of television viewers by revealing he now has a vocabulary of four words.
After completing his hat-trick in the 4-2 win over West Ham United at Upton Park, Rooney shouted the words 'Fucking w...
Hollywood legend Charlie Sheen is set to star in a new comedy series after Two and a Half Men was dramatically cancelled.
The provisionally titled 'Two Hookers and a Half Cut Man' will follow the day to day adventures of a middle aged drunk and hi...
The BBC has been inundated by hundreds of complaints from an irate lazy, feckless, flatulent man after Top Gear presenter Richard 'Hamster' Hammond compared him to Mexicans.
Gary Coogan, a 36 year old unemployed man from Croydon has demanded an ap...
Britain's most expensive Geordie, Andy Carroll has had his trademark ponytail stolen on his first day in Liverpool.
The 23 year old from Byker Grove in Newcastle was surrounded by a gang of curly haired, moustached, shell suit wearing stereotypes...
Small people with brown skin were up in arms today as they were told they are not welcome in Middle Earth.
Chief Hobbit Bilbo Baggins broke the news at a press conference in New Zealand where hundreds of hopefuls auditioned to spend time in the Sh...
I'm a Celebrity's Stacey Solomon has spent much of her spare time partaking in an orgy of vermilingua according to resident shit meddler Gillian McKeith.
'I've been analysing Stacey's turds' said the 65 year old Scot 'and the weird thing is that t...
Blackpool manager Ian Holloway sensationally exploded at a press conference earlier today covering several reporters and photographers in flying limbs and internal organs.
The incident happened after one hack asked Holloway a series of questions s...
X Factor judge Cheryl Cole faced even more controversy today as she admitted that she's so bad at making decisions that she can spend up to 6 hours a day sat on the toilet while she decides which hand she should use to wipe her arse.
'I look at my...