"WE HAVE CREATED OR SAVED over 100 Million jobs," announced President Obama today, "and this is the really good part: they're all 'green jobs'." This announcement follows last weeks' new Securities and Exchange Commission rule that all U.S. Corporat...
GOLF OBSERVERS SAY that "as Tiger Woods goes, so goes the tour." And since Tiger left the tour to deal with personal and marital problems, the tour has suffered from decreased revenues, decreased TV viewership and a general lack of interest. So tod...
"TELL THAT SHRILL, plastic surgeon's malpractice, four burned out bulbs short of a chandelier, skin covered skeleton in a pant suit that she should bite down on some crust with her pie hole before she criticizes me!"
Unconfirmed reports from the...
CBS DECIDED TO RUN a Focus On The Family advocacy ad about "Tim Teebow" during its Super Bowl broadcast but refused to run other ads that were not deemed "appropriate" for its audience.
This has Al Qaeda fuming and threatening First Amendment le...
BLIZZARDS, POWER FAILURES AND EXTENDED COLD TEMPERATURES have apparently prompted Global Warming experts in Washington D.C. to announce the relocation of their offices to Florida. "This weather is ridiculous," said Dick Allshank, Chief Scientific Sp...
IN A NOVEL MOVE to speed repairs and restore consumer confidence, engineers have designed a low tech fix for the high tech problems in Toyota's electronic acceleration and braking systems that have plagued over 8 million of its vehicles.
"We call...
A SPOKESMAN for a major golf and apparel manufacturer confirmed today that it will "indemnify" and "pay" Tiger Woods for any payments necessary to satisfy Elin Woods, "if only Tiger will get back on the tour." Rumors are circulating that Tiger could...
THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY (EPA) said today that it will modify its complete ban on beer that was formally proposed on Monday. The EPA now says that beer will only be banned at "outdoor events, where deadly CO2 gases would be released direc...
CLIMATE SCIENTISTS stationed at remote outposts in Western Canada and in Norway are reporting "dangerous and consistent daytime warming" in the range of 8 to 10 degrees higher than normal announced Professor Cretino Grasso, Director of the CRU (Clima...
Defense Secretary Robert Gates testified before the Senate Armed Services Committee on Tuesday that it is time to end the sixteen-year-old "don't ask don't tell" policy (DADT) restricting the right of gays and lesbians to serve openly in the armed fo...
Having recently declared that carbon dioxide poses a threat to human health and welfare, the Environmental Protection Agency took its first regulatory action today to limit CO2 emissions by outlawing carbonated beer. "We understand that this may not...
After a year of struggling with what it means for a corporation to "go green", the Securities and Exchange Commission has finally announced its new "Corporate Green Initiative" in the form of 1500 pages of new regulations. According to SEC Chairman...
President Obama was asked in a CNN interview today what it would take now to get his important programs enacted after the failure of his health care reform and shocking democratic election losses in Virginia, New Jersey and even Massachusetts.
"I...
Speaking for the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), Professor Cretino Calvo Ampolloso said today that the IPCC will prove that global warming causes Islamic terrorism, racial prejudices, sexual dysfunction and acne, among other ills an...
Osama Bin Laden (OBL) was allegedly seen over the weekend on a security video at an International Airport. Security officials refuse to comment but confirms it is investigating OBL sightings on Sunday.
According to the CIA, the tipoff came in the...
Normally animal rights activists gather to protest abuse of animals. But on this chilly January day in the Twin Cities, near the University of Minnesota campus, seventeen sheep are gathered outside a hotel where the activists are meeting and dining...
Representatives of the International Association of University Presidents, the United Nations and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) finally reached agreement today to move all Climate Science disciplines from the Science and Engine...
President Obama announced today that General Motors is now authorized to offer low interest auto loans to new car buyers that will be paid back using payroll deductions collected by the IRS. The government will fund the 15-year term loans at current...