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Obama Announces 100 Million Green Jobs Created Or Saved

Funny story: Obama Announces 100 Million Green Jobs Created Or Saved

"WE HAVE CREATED OR SAVED over 100 Million jobs," announced President Obama today, "and this is the really good part: they're all 'green jobs'." This announcement follows last weeks' new Securities and Exchange Commission rule that all U.S. Corporat...

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Tour Settles With Elin Woods, Prepares Way For Tiger Woods Return

Funny story: Tour Settles With Elin Woods, Prepares Way For Tiger Woods Return

GOLF OBSERVERS SAY that "as Tiger Woods goes, so goes the tour." And since Tiger left the tour to deal with personal and marital problems, the tour has suffered from decreased revenues, decreased TV viewership and a general lack of interest. So tod...

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Obama Furious With Pelosi Over Jobs Lost Letter

Funny story: Obama Furious With Pelosi Over Jobs Lost Letter

"TELL THAT SHRILL, plastic surgeon's malpractice, four burned out bulbs short of a chandelier, skin covered skeleton in a pant suit that she should bite down on some crust with her pie hole before she criticizes me!" Unconfirmed reports from the...

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CBS Refused To Run Al Qaeda Super Bowl Ad Showing Osama Bin Laden

Funny story: CBS Refused To Run Al Qaeda Super Bowl Ad Showing Osama Bin Laden

CBS DECIDED TO RUN a Focus On The Family advocacy ad about "Tim Teebow" during its Super Bowl broadcast but refused to run other ads that were not deemed "appropriate" for its audience. This has Al Qaeda fuming and threatening First Amendment le...

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Global Warming Scientists To Move From Washington To Warmer Climate

Funny story: Global Warming Scientists To Move From Washington To Warmer Climate

BLIZZARDS, POWER FAILURES AND EXTENDED COLD TEMPERATURES have apparently prompted Global Warming experts in Washington D.C. to announce the relocation of their offices to Florida. "This weather is ridiculous," said Dick Allshank, Chief Scientific Sp...

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Low Tech Repair For Millions Of Recalled Toyotas

Funny story: Low Tech Repair For Millions Of Recalled Toyotas

IN A NOVEL MOVE to speed repairs and restore consumer confidence, engineers have designed a low tech fix for the high tech problems in Toyota's electronic acceleration and braking systems that have plagued over 8 million of its vehicles. "We call...

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Nike To Pay Tiger Woods "Anything Elin Wants": Deal Will Allow Tiger To Play The Accenture Match Play Championship

Funny story: Nike To Pay Tiger Woods "Anything Elin Wants": Deal Will Allow Tiger To Play The Accenture Match Play Championship

A SPOKESMAN for a major golf and apparel manufacturer confirmed today that it will "indemnify" and "pay" Tiger Woods for any payments necessary to satisfy Elin Woods, "if only Tiger will get back on the tour." Rumors are circulating that Tiger could...

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EPA Modifies Beer Ban Following Public Outcry

Funny story: EPA Modifies Beer Ban Following Public Outcry

THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY (EPA) said today that it will modify its complete ban on beer that was formally proposed on Monday. The EPA now says that beer will only be banned at "outdoor events, where deadly CO2 gases would be released direc...

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CRU Reports Arctic Warming Spike

Funny story: CRU Reports Arctic Warming Spike

CLIMATE SCIENTISTS stationed at remote outposts in Western Canada and in Norway are reporting "dangerous and consistent daytime warming" in the range of 8 to 10 degrees higher than normal announced Professor Cretino Grasso, Director of the CRU (Clima...

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"Touch My Stuff, I'll Kill You" Likely To Replace "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

Funny story: "Touch My Stuff, I'll Kill You" Likely To Replace "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

Defense Secretary Robert Gates testified before the Senate Armed Services Committee on Tuesday that it is time to end the sixteen-year-old "don't ask don't tell" policy (DADT) restricting the right of gays and lesbians to serve openly in the armed fo...

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EPA To Outlaw Beer - Will Run Super Bowl Ad To Explain C02 Threat

Funny story: EPA To Outlaw Beer - Will Run Super Bowl Ad To Explain C02 Threat

Having recently declared that carbon dioxide poses a threat to human health and welfare, the Environmental Protection Agency took its first regulatory action today to limit CO2 emissions by outlawing carbonated beer. "We understand that this may not...

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SEC announces "Color Green" requirement for U.S. Companies

Funny story: SEC announces "Color Green" requirement for U.S. Companies

After a year of struggling with what it means for a corporation to "go green", the Securities and Exchange Commission has finally announced its new "Corporate Green Initiative" in the form of 1500 pages of new regulations. According to SEC Chairman...

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Obama calls for more crises and catastrophes to achieve real 'change'

Funny story: Obama calls for more crises and catastrophes to achieve real 'change'

President Obama was asked in a CNN interview today what it would take now to get his important programs enacted after the failure of his health care reform and shocking democratic election losses in Virginia, New Jersey and even Massachusetts. "I...

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IPCC says global warming causes Islamic terrorism, sexual dysfunction and other ills

Funny story: IPCC says global warming causes Islamic terrorism, sexual dysfunction and other ills

Speaking for the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), Professor Cretino Calvo Ampolloso said today that the IPCC will prove that global warming causes Islamic terrorism, racial prejudices, sexual dysfunction and acne, among other ills an...

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Osama Bin Laden Seen On Video in Airport

Funny story: Osama Bin Laden Seen On Video in Airport

Osama Bin Laden (OBL) was allegedly seen over the weekend on a security video at an International Airport. Security officials refuse to comment but confirms it is investigating OBL sightings on Sunday. According to the CIA, the tipoff came in the...

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Sheep Protest Veggie Buffet At Animal Rights Gathering

Funny story: Sheep Protest Veggie Buffet At Animal Rights Gathering

Normally animal rights activists gather to protest abuse of animals. But on this chilly January day in the Twin Cities, near the University of Minnesota campus, seventeen sheep are gathered outside a hotel where the activists are meeting and dining...

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Climate Science To Become Liberal Arts Discipline

Funny story: Climate Science To Become Liberal Arts Discipline

Representatives of the International Association of University Presidents, the United Nations and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) finally reached agreement today to move all Climate Science disciplines from the Science and Engine...

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White House Announces New GM Car Loans To Be Funded By Treasury

Funny story: White House Announces New GM Car Loans To Be Funded By Treasury

President Obama announced today that General Motors is now authorized to offer low interest auto loans to new car buyers that will be paid back using payroll deductions collected by the IRS. The government will fund the 15-year term loans at current...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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