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President-elect Trump to Become Honorary Scoutmaster

Funny story: President-elect Trump to Become Honorary Scoutmaster

Special to TPN - Boy Scouts of America president Randall Stephenson announced that President-elect Donald Trump will become an honorary scoutmaster at the organization's National Jamboree to be held in July 2017. "Mr. Trump exemplifies all those...

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Occupancy Rate at Trump Hotels Drops Below 25%

Funny story: Occupancy Rate at Trump Hotels Drops Below 25%

Special to TPN - A former advisor to President-elect Donald Trump has revealed that the real-estate magnate's properties have suffered in the aftermath of his presidential campaign. The advisor, Punksky Borinskovich, once Russian President Vladimir P...

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Cheetos to Sponsor Trump TV

Funny story: Cheetos to Sponsor Trump TV

Special to TPN - Cheetos' parent company, Frito-Lay, announced that it will be a primary sponsor of President-elect Trump's TV station, CRUD (Conservative Republicans Under Donald). "It's a natural fit," said Vivek Sankaran, COO of Frito-Lay North Am...

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Republican Convention to Feature Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Competition

Funny story: Republican Convention to Feature Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Competition

Special to TPN-Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus has revealed that the party's presidential nominee will be determined by the winner of a Mixed Martial Arts (Ultimate Fighting) tournament. "With dozens of party members having thrown the...

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Candidate Cruz Says that Tax System Should Be "Voluntary"

Funny story: Candidate Cruz Says that Tax System Should Be "Voluntary"

Special to TPN - Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) followed up his announcement that he was running for President in 2016 with this statement given to Matt Lauer of the Today Show: "I believe the IRS should be eliminated and taxes made voluntary. It wor...

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Gov. Christie Selects Curses for Swearing-In Ceremony

Funny story: Gov. Christie Selects Curses for Swearing-In Ceremony

Special to TPN - Special assistant Goober Flatus announced that New Jersey governor Chris Christie has chosen the curse words to be used in his second inaugural speech following the swearing-in ceremony on Tuesday, January 21. "The governor has worke...

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Gov. Christie to Compete in NYC Marathon

Funny story: Gov. Christie to Compete in NYC Marathon

Special to TPN - Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey will be competing in the New York City Marathon to be held on November 2, 2014. Contrary to rumor, all lanes will be open on the Verrazano Bridge section of the course, but the center lane will b...

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President Obama to Reinvent the Wheel

Funny story: President Obama to Reinvent the Wheel

Special to TPN - After the resounding success of the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), President Obama has decided to launch a new effort to reinvent the wheel. Leading this initiative will be former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, best known for hav...

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Chewing Gum: The New Pavement Protector

Funny story: Chewing Gum: The New Pavement Protector

Special to TPN - Constance Masticar, of the International Chewing Gum association, released data that offered hope for the world's deteriorating infrastructure: "Chewing gum has been building up on the world's paved surfaces since it was first used 9...

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Bad Breath Ends Senator Cruz's Marathon Speech - Listerine Stock Rises on News

Funny story: Bad Breath Ends Senator Cruz's Marathon Speech - Listerine Stock Rises on News

The senate voted on Wednesday to terminate Senator Ted Cruz's (R-TX) marathon speech. For 21 hours and 19 minutes, Cruz leveled a verbal assault on President Obama's signature healthcare law. The unanimous vote came after Senators could no longer sta...

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Congress to Recess until after 2016 Election - "Grand Bargain" Struck by Pelosi and Boehner

Funny story: Congress to Recess until after 2016 Election - "Grand Bargain" Struck by Pelosi and Boehner

Special to TPN - Following a meeting described as "amicable," Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and John Boehner (R-OH) announced that Congress will adjourn until after the 2016 election cycle. Pelosi opened a joint news conference by saying, "We both felt th...

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Florida OKs Hand Grenades for "Stand-Your-Ground" Defense

Funny story: Florida OKs Hand Grenades for "Stand-Your-Ground" Defense

Special to TPN - Florida Governor Rick Scott today signed into law an expansion of his state's controversial "Stand-Your-Ground" statute 776.013. Those with so-called "carry" permits for handguns will be allowed to conceal on their persons not more t...

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Edward Snowden Elected Mayor of Dudinka, Siberia

Funny story: Edward Snowden Elected Mayor of Dudinka, Siberia

Special to TPN - ITAR-TASS, the Russian news agency, announced that Edward J. Snowden, the former intelligence contractor on the run from the American authorities, has won the mayoralty race in Dudinka. Dudinka is the administrative center of Taymyrs...

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Texas Prohibits Pet Neutering

Funny story: Texas Prohibits Pet Neutering

Austin, Tex. - On Friday, the Texas Senate passed one of the strictest anti-abortion measures in the country. Gov. Rick Perry is expected to sign the bill after a Democratic filibuster blocked its passage last month. Buried in the bill is a provision...

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Mutant Crabgrass Threatens Corn Crop

Funny story: Mutant Crabgrass Threatens Corn Crop

Special to Spoof - Farmers in the Midwest have been plagued by a mutant strain of crabgrass that threatens to reduce the annual corn harvest by 50 percent or more in coming years. The species, Digitaria sanguinalis, is found throughout the world.

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Texas to Auction off WWII Bazookas

Funny story: Texas to Auction off WWII Bazookas

Special to TP News - Republican Governor Rick Perry announced that 2,500 surplus World War II-era bazookas will be offered to the public in a special auction. These recoilless-rocket antitank weapons were used extensively against the Nazis during the...

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Vatican promotes Silly Hat Contest

Funny story: Vatican promotes Silly Hat Contest

Special to TPN - Vatican Secretary of State, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, announced that the Convocation of Cardinals assembled to pick a new Pope will liven up the proceedings with a Silly-Hat Contest, which has not been conducted for 1200 years.

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Todd Akin To Build "Berghof West" in Missouri: Adolph Hitler's Residence Serves as Model

Funny story: Todd Akin To Build "Berghof West" in Missouri: Adolph Hitler's Residence Serves as Model

Special to TPN - Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) is building a new summer home atop Taum Sauk Mountain, the highest point in Missouri. Rep. Akin is known famously as the one who clarified the difference between "rape" and "legitimate rape." To his credit, he a...

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Breaking news…

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.
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