Showing stories written by Quentin Shires

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Funny story: Fish Dies After Vikings Win

Fish Dies After Vikings Win

SIOUX FALLS, SD- 'Swimmy the Fish' Jones was found dead in his Sioux Falls home Monday morning after an unexpected win by the Minnesota Vikings team on Sunday. Diane Jones of Sioux Falls, one of Swimmy's roommates, found the fish dead before leaving...
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Funny story: Goodwill to Install Surveillance

Goodwill to Install Surveillance

BOSTON- In a major effort to decrease theft from thrift stores, Jim Gibbons, President and CEO of Goodwill Industries International, reported yesterday that he is requiring all Goodwill donation centers to begin installing high-tech surveillance equi...
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Funny story: Aussie, Chinese Yell, "Hurry up and Shag!"

Aussie, Chinese Yell, "Hurry up and Shag!"

ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA- In a major effort to increase the Chinese Panda's population, Australian and Chinese officials met at the Adelaide zoo yesterday to urge the Panda's to have sexual relations. "Hurry up and shag!" Governor General, Quentin Bryc...
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Funny story: North Pole Conglomerate will Merge to Save Christmas

North Pole Conglomerate will Merge to Save Christmas

NORTH POLE: In what could be the most disastrous Christmas ever, the North Pole is making cutbacks this year in all areas of its general business. CEO and General Manager of the North Pole, Santa Claus, made a surprising statement last night abou...
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Funny story: Homeless Acknowledge Economic Woes

Homeless Acknowledge Economic Woes

LAS VEGAS: With indications that the economy is improving since President Obama initiated different economic programs earlier this year, many financiers and political figures remain optimistic with a continuous improvement within the state of the eco...
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Funny story: Jesus Tips Twenty Percent Plus

Jesus Tips Twenty Percent Plus

JUPITER, FL- Jesus Christ was reported tipping 20 percent or more on a recent visit to a local neighborhood restaurant. Jesus was seen dining at Le Metro Neighborhood Bistro in Jupiter, Florida, Friday evening, at around eight o'clock. "This is su...
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Funny story: Freshman Wrestler gets Chub

Freshman Wrestler gets Chub

MILWAUKEE- For many college athletes, wrestling is just another sport. But not for Adam Starns. Having wrestled his way through his younger years, and high school, he now enjoys a full wrestling scholarship, which he can utilize throughout his underg...
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Funny story: White House to celebrate Kwanzaa

White House to celebrate Kwanzaa

WASHINGTON- In a major effort to impose cultural awareness this year, President Barack Obama stated he will officially celebrate Kwanzaa at the White House. Kwanzaa, an African-American year-end feast, established in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a cul...
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Funny story: Palin Struggles with Cunnilinigus

Palin Struggles with Cunnilinigus

ALASKA- In a frantic effort to exterminate the gay community, former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin (Rep-AK) joined her church's initiation in starting to "pray away the gays". Larry Kroon, Pastor of Wasilla Bible Church, Wasilla, Alaska, reported t...
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Funny story: Gore: Bovines linked to Global Warming

Gore: Bovines linked to Global Warming

SAN FRANCISCO- The Environmental Activism and Nobel Peace Prize winner of 2004, Al Gore, announced Wednesday that the global warming has been linked to the farts and burps of most bovine animals. "Most people lack an understanding of the power al...
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Breaking News...

"Goop" Introduces Coal Egg

"Once you muster enough pelvic muscle strength to compress this baby into a diamond, you will have a beautiful gemstone to present to the man of your dreams," declared spokesmodel Gwyneth Paltrow.
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