In a landmark speech made by Hollande in Holland, the French Premier announced that the Euro will be replaced with a "vibrant form of bartering".
In the outlined proposals, a fisting will equal one Euro, a flick of the Testicles is worth ten Eur...
Labour candidate, Alan Cretin won the Sparrow-on-the-Wold mayoral by-election last night. Cretin, a former Miss World and the first person to legally breastfeed a Stoat, thrashed second-placed Tory winner Cardinal Ken "Mincepie" McGregor.
Fellow s...
The phantom Calculator stroker, Kevin Sneeze was finally caught in a Dorking Ryman's on Thursday afternoon. Mr Sneeze's main affliction (dubbed "The Calculator Pimp" by local ombudsmen) was Calculators. He would parade around the various stationers...
The Press Complaints Commission upheld a complaint made by turbulent war monger, and BBC Radio 2 novelty act Jeremy Vine.
In July 2010, Belfast-based "The Exeter Nibble" published allegations that Sir Vine partook in reckless activities with Tuppe...
Fellow beachcombers were surprised to see an antique Harpsichord, 24,000 feet up Mount Everest. Conjoined twins, Andy and Terence Cough stumbled across the curious find, whilst taking part in a charity fun-run, up the rocky outcrop.
Andy added "c...
Due to shortage of new business, Funerals Directors in York have been seen "chasing down" the elderly.
One survivor Beryl Chestnut, 84, of Gusset Close spoke of their actions...
"I was just planning to visit my sister, who only lives 184 yards...
X Factor auditionee, Kerry Rumbelows was mid way through the hit "I will survive" by beat combo Gloria Gaynor, when tragedy struck, and she was felled by a couple of tricky lyrics.
Rumbelows, 24, a former Gravy Stirer, was trotted out to perform o...
Horror overtook shoppers in an Altrincham ASDA, where a man slipped on a discarded Plum, and skidded head first into a pallet of Mayonnaise.
For the next twelve minutes, the man, a local embalmer, Toby Lion, was encased in the pallet, and with no...
At three o'clock on Saturday, football grounds will fall silent, as news expanded out of Huw Edwards, announcing that Cheryl Cole had expelled a rather foul smelling gas, after having a rather noxious Curry during the all you can eat buffet at Mad Mu...
Famous Swedish Painter Lloyd van Oobstratten was videoed ejaculating numerous objects, whilst visiting the infamous Edwardian Obelisk, just outside the Welsh capital, Rhyl.
Onlookers reported that Mr van Oobstratten had started to parade around th...
League One side Swanage Bakers IV have sent a loan request to Manchester City to take gravity defying Carlos Tevez on-loan, until someone can be bothered to take on his demands; one of them being that he is insists that he has a rotating hostess on s...
After Arsenal shipping a canoeful of goals during the Sunday meatfest with arch rivals Moist United, the Arsenal manager Herr Wenger has been recommended a Spider, that can play all along the back four by his deemed nemesis Steve Bruce Forsyth.
A man who promised to complete the London Marathon, by licking every inch of it, has finally finished the feet, 4 YEARS after starting.
Arron Pheugh, who was dressed as an effigy of Pol Pot throughout the challenge, finally finished the amazing fe...
Shocked Sky News viewers were appalled to see Eamonn Holmes cough up an entire pie during this morning's 8.32am bulletin.
Charlotte Hawkins had to swing her head in earnest, to make sure that she missed the Steak and Ale pie blast, although it did...
In a national exclusive, The Daily Spurt were there to witness the moment where Kate needed to use the lavatory in her own house on Angelsey.
Some rabble, 28 Photographers, a Judge, a man carrying a fairly weighty Harpoon and 14 armed Police Off...
In a candid moment during a meeting of the 1922 committee, George Osborne admitted that the "Yes to AV" crowd were entirely right about their hypothesis to AV.
Whilst conferring with Sir Hugh Orderly, the chap who grooms the Chancellor's favourite...
A fellow drunkard filmed Harry Saxe-Coburg violently vomiting over one of The Queen's favourite Corgi's, "Umbilical" during a royal dance-a-thon. It is believed that the incident may cause a brief, yet painful chasm between him and his estranged fam...
Jackie Wildthroat, a Newcastle Escort has today, posted a profits warning on her enterprise. In the shock announcement from her Newcastle flat, Jackie, 29, stated that profits are down 14% from the previous tax year.
Before the press conference,...