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Spoof Writer Disappears After 50 Posts In Seven Days Take Him To Within Touching Distance Of Longest Headline In History Of Spoof Kingdom Unless Someone Did It First Bigger and Better Or Alternatively Sartre Days Alright For Fighting

A spoof writer has disappeared in a puff of smoke after making his fingers do the talking for seven days - give or take a few hours - and by making an obscure reference or two to Jean Paul Sartre for no other reason than because he could. Just a w...

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Money No Longer Worth The Paper It's Printed On

The dollar is no longer worth the paper it is printed on after falling to its lowest level since May. Millions of public sector workers have been asked to be paid in small sheets of white paper rather than the US monetary equivalent. The news m...

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Yogi Bear Outlines TM Technique For Yellowstone

Yogi Bear became animated yesterday when he outlined his reasons for promoting Transcendental Meditation in woodland areas. Huckleberry Hound, reporting from Yellowstone country park, claims Yogi Bear has helped millions of critters to relieve str...

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Jerusalem Arti Choked To Death In Random Hate Crime

A Jerusalem Arti has choked to death in what Israeli police are describing as a racially motivated attack. The "Jerusalem Arti-Choke" as papers have taken to calling the attack happened in the full view of Christians and Muslims paying homage at a...

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Barack Obama Wipes Out 1 Trillion US National Debt Overnight

Barack Obama was applauded today after he wiped out the national debt by taking out a loan. The US President showed a flair for numeracy when he revealed the 1 Trillion debt had disappeared with the stroke of a pen. The move was the final stage...

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Kebab Makes a Run For It During Busy Period

Funny story: Kebab Makes a Run For It During Busy Period

Police are hunting a kebab which escaped from a three-in-one shop in Kilburn last night. The kebab in question is thought to have duped owners of the store by playing dead before making a dash for it during a busy period. At a hastily arranged...

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Heroin Prescription For Addicts Available Over The Counter

Prescribing heroine on the NHS could be the way forward when it comes to treating addicts, according to Jack Straw. The justice secretary's comments come in the wake of a scheme in which heroines were given to addicts in supervised clinics had led...

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Man U v Man City Game Still Going On Despite Protests

Manchester United players are being treated for exhaustion after four hours of injury time in the derby match against Manchester City. Furious Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson has demanded the referee blow for time for the sake of his players who have n...

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Longest Running Soap Too Slippy

The world's longest surviving soap has been screened for the last time. Having been on air in the US for more than 70 years, health and safety officials in the US have ordered NBC to scrap the soap in case the film crew slipped on it. Despite a...

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Teachers No Longer Needed In Schools

Education spending could be cut by £2bn by axing thousands of teachers, according to schools secretary Ed Balls. The cost-cutting moves have been described as Balls explained his theory to the Sunday Times. Pupils would be responsible for self-...

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Man U Penalty Fastest In Premiership History

There was controversy at Old Trafford yesterday after the referee awarded Manchester United a penalty just two minutes before kick off. The Old Trafford club was rocked to the rafters by the decision after Manchester City defender Wayne Bridge upe...

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Kanye West Adds Penis Extension To His Crib

Kanye West has splashed out on on an extension to his new Hollywood crib - in the shape of a penis. The diminutive R&B rapper, or whatever he is, is back in the news once again for acting like a total knob. But he was determined he would th...

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New Labour To Be Renamed Conservatives

New Labour have outlined their manifesto for the next election under their new party name, The Conservatives. Gordon Brown's party came up with the plan to help them win the next election, last night in the House Of Common's lapdancing bar. Bro...

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Jack Tweed Tells Jordan "I'm not Scottish!"

JADE Goody's widower Jack Tweed has sent a message to model Katie Price, aka, Jordon (when you have to explain who they are they are not really famous), to say that he is "not Scottish". "Tweed The Weed" as he is universally known among his pal (a...

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Man Stuck In Pub After Watching Derren Brown On TV

Funny story: Man Stuck In Pub After Watching Derren Brown On TV

A man has spoken of his relief after failing to come home to his wife last night, because he was hypnotised by famous illusionist Derren Brown. Brown is in hot water again following his Lottery illusion. He enacted his latest trick on Channel 4...

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Maradona's Earrings Not Worth The Paper They're Printed On

Argentinian football coach Maradona's earrings were deemed worthless yesterday after being confiscated by Italian police in an effort to recover unpaid taxes. Maradona's earrings were nabbed while he was resting at a health clinic, to help pay bac...

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Foil Terrorists At Gas Mark 7 For Best Results

Funny story: Foil Terrorists At Gas Mark 7 For Best Results

Good old fashioned foil - such as Bacofoil and stores' own brands - has become a key to foiling terrorists, CNN has learned. Once wrapped in the silvery cooking accessory, terrorists feel warm and fuzzy and are said to be less likely to become ag...

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Man City To Buy Man U

Funny story: Man City To Buy Man U

Manchester City owners Abu Dhabi Utd have placed a multi-billion bid for rivals Manchester United. The audacious move has been predicted for some time but the timing of the move is inflammatory. The Blues are currently sharing second place with...

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