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"Dancing With The Stars" to Begin Again Monday; Riots Ensue

LOS ANGELES, CA - ABC's fading warhorse, "Dancing With The Stars," is set to premier yet again Monday night, March 21st, setting off raging protests across the country, as citizens try to cope with the horror of yet another long season of has-beens o...

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Rescued Miners to Compete on Chilean DWTS

Funny story: Rescued Miners to Compete on Chilean DWTS

SANTIAGO, CHILE - ABC Sud America has announced its intention to produce a Chilean version of the world-wide hit franchise, "Dancing With The Stars," entitled "Baile Con Las Estrellas De Las Mineras Cobre." Before production can begin, the miner...

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Jobless Americans Prefer Wealth

Funny story: Jobless Americans Prefer Wealth

CHICAGO - Results were released today from a University of Chicago think-tank poll showing that most unemployed Americans would prefer to be wealthy and have health insurance than live in a cardboard refrigerator box near train tracks. The ground-...

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Blair Drops Trou on Letterman

NEW YORK CITY - Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair appears tonight on David Letterman's "The Late Show," where he admits for the first time his sex-ual affairs with both Margaret Thather and John Major. "It's true - I'm bi and flying high!"...

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Yo Ho Ho, Get Off My Ass!

THOUSAND OAKS, CA - Teen mariner Abby Sunderland, whose attempt to become the youngest person to sail around the world was thwarted when her craft's mast broke in heavy seas in the Indian Ocean, has been rescued from her parents and is being held in...

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Geneva Slim Takes on Wascally Rabbit in Title Fight

Funny story: Geneva Slim Takes on Wascally Rabbit in Title Fight

CHICAGO - In a move unprecedented in the history of online satire sensation, one of its writers has challenged another to a duel in front of Buckingham Fountain on Chicago's lakefront, due to the unspeakable offense of story title-steali...

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Fallen Idol

LOS ANGELES, CA - In a startling attempt to breathe new life into the aging American Idol franchise, senior producer Sir Freddie Aswype today announced that the three judges remaining after the defection of Simon Cowell all have been fired and are b...

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WE Don't Have To Show You No Stinkin' Badges!

Funny story: WE Don't Have To Show You No Stinkin' Badges!

PHOENIX, AZ - Mexican President Felipe Calderon today was detained by police in Phoenix, for probable cause of being an undocumented non-resident alien, while walking down the street eating a Taco Bell Supreme Taco and whistling Herb Alpert's, "The L...

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Pamela Anderson's Top-Shelf Idea To Solve BP Oil Disaster

Funny story: Pamela Anderson's Top-Shelf Idea To Solve BP Oil Disaster

Malibu, CA - In a stunning turn, recently-displaced Dancing With The Stars contestant Pamela Anderson is donating several hundred of her old breast implants to the U.S. EPA and British Petroleum, in the hopes of suffocating the leaking oil site deep...

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Frasier Crane to Hank: I'm Listening!

LOS ANGELES - ABC television today announced that Kelsey Grammer's atrocious new sit-com, "Hank," which just this week had been cancelled, has been saved from the chopping block due to a clever idea from its star - he will play the dual role of Hank...

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Oprah to Retire Show; World As We Know It Collapses

CHICAGO, IL - Chicago today fell into Lake Michigan, as Oprah Winfrey announced that her landmark television show will breathe its last in 2011. The city and much of the nation are in turmoil after hearing the news, which Winfrey disclosed during...

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"Ahem...Where Are The Petite Condoms?"

Funny story: "Ahem...Where Are The Petite Condoms?"

INTERCOURSE, PA - Federal drug labeling laws soon will require that U.S. condom manufacturers use more accurate size labeling for their products. American condoms presently come sized as Large, Larger, Huge, Horse and OMG. Small and Medium condom...

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PETA Has It In The Bag

NORFOLK, VA - Animal-rights activist group PETA today announced its new promotional campaign, "Dear God, NO!" Veteran celebs Sir Elton John, Marion Ross, Jean Stapleton, Danny DeVito, Cher, Linda Ronstadt, Cloris Leachman, Ernest Borgnine, Tyne Da...

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New Search Engine Will "Boogle" Your Mind

Funny story: New Search Engine Will "Boogle" Your Mind

SILICON VALLEY, CA - Search-engine kingpin Google and upstart competitor Bing today announced that they will merge, creating the ginormous "Boogle." Boogle CEO Hash "Ted" Yokamoto said, "It was only a matter of time before the two premier search e...

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Doctor Who Is Going WHERE?!

LOS ANGELES - NBC has announced that Scottish actor David Tennant has been chosen as the lead in a new pilot, "Rex Is Not Your Lawyer," in which he will portray a Chicago attorney who is prone to panic attacks, and therefore must teach clients to def...

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Anarchy At As Everyone Tries To Make Their POINT.

Funny story: Anarchy At As Everyone Tries To Make Their POINT.

EGGCUP-ON-TABLE, UK - Anarchy may be rearing its pointy head in the ranks of online satire smash, as the subject of rating points came to a boiling point this morning in the site's discussion forum. It appears that a writer may or may...

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Jews & Christians Agree - Dylan Must Go!

In a joint proclamation, Judiasm and Christianity today announced the excommunication of Bob Dylan from both sects, based primarily upon his newest album, "Christmas In The Heart." Speaking for Judiasm, Rabbi Phylo Spektor said, "Although we appre...

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Jackson 5, Mach 2

LAS VEGAS, NV - Jackson 5 patriarch Joe "ol' Devil Eyebrows" Jackson claims to have found the next big thang in music, i.e., God help us, a new Jackson 5. The five, who range in age from 4 to 39, all were found in and around Las Vegas - two failed...

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Breaking news…

Trump Says Democrats Should Thank Him for Being Such A Terrible President

...Because they never would've won the House by such a wide margin without him!
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