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Picher OK's The Old Miner's Pharmacy sells "Leaded Only" products

Funny story: Picher OK's The Old Miner's Pharmacy sells "Leaded Only" products

PICHER, OK (ABSNN) - Gary Linderman owns the Old Miner's Pharmacy in downtown Picher, Oklahoma. He hasn't much business lately, mostly due to the fact that the entire town of Picher has been declared "hazardous waste site," by the federal government...

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Adam Lambert Jerks Off--Fans Stymied and Stimulated

Funny story: Adam Lambert Jerks Off--Fans Stymied and Stimulated

LOS ANGELES, CA (ABSNN) -- Adam Lambert is hospitalized in an undisclosed LA hospital after what physicians termed "a masturbatory accident." Apparently, and according to people who have no reason for knowing anything at all about the former America...

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"Sloppy Ballot Counting"in WV Village reason Dems hold House and Senate nationally

Funny story: "Sloppy Ballot Counting"in WV Village reason Dems hold House and Senate nationally

"Edward "Skippy" Ball, Assistant County Election Commissioner for Barboursville, West Virginia, a small village in eastern Cabell County, West Virginia has a "red face" today owing to sloppy ballot counting in his three precincts that have forced the...

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Why We Fight, the stolen Pentagon Papers Released

Funny story: Why We Fight, the stolen Pentagon Papers Released

Back during the last years of glorious Wwii, the Department of War filmed a series of movies entitled "Why We Fight." They showed the Germans rounding up millions of Jews and killing them. The purpose of the movies was to enrage the American GI's a...

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Envoys from Planet Heterophobia Land in West Virginia: Claim Earth Now Their Colony

Funny story: Envoys from Planet Heterophobia Land in West Virginia: Claim Earth Now Their Colony

CONVENT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - Sightings of UFOs flying above, and landing, in West Virginia towns is nothing new. Pt. Pleasant, West Virginia, a small town where the Kanawha River joins the Ohio River has long been a hot-bed of alien activity.

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Jesus washes his hands to be free of "Christian" label

Funny story: Jesus washes his hands to be free of "Christian" label

NEW JURUSALEM (ABSNN) -- Jesus of Nazareth, AKA "The Christ," called a news conference in his tiny Arab hometown today, and like Pontius Pilate, the Roman Governor of Judea who gave The Son of God over to the Christ-Killing Jews, washed his hands in...

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Hog Jaw Ferret Leggin Champion Challenges the All-UK Champ to Ten-Hour Death Match

Funny story: Hog Jaw Ferret Leggin Champion Challenges the All-UK Champ to Ten-Hour Death Match

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Stan Stilldamnya, Hog Jaw, Arkansas' answer to the legendary Reg Mellior, former world record holder in Ferret Legging, issued a sharp challenge to the All-England, Scotland and Wales Ferret Leggin "pansies." "Ain't...

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Hog Jaw Cock Fights Cancelled Due to "Damned Women!"

Funny story: Hog Jaw Cock Fights Cancelled Due to "Damned Women!"

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Male frustration mounted this evening over the cancellation of the weekly Cock Fight at Arnold Dubby's farm. The weekly fights have never been cancelled because the Hog Jaw Ladies' Sewing Circle, Elvis Séance and Vibrato...

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High Mass "Hi-Jinks" Mar Hog Jaw First Communion Service

Funny story: High Mass "Hi-Jinks" Mar Hog Jaw First Communion Service

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Jesus was always known to have a funny story with which to illustrate His otherwise, insane agenda of Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men (but not to Yankees, faggots, harlots, thieves, communists, Mad Dogs and Englishmen, th...

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Hog Jaw, Alabama declares war on Hog Jaw, Arkansas…Bloodbath feared!

Funny story: Hog Jaw, Alabama declares war on Hog Jaw, Arkansas…Bloodbath feared!

HOG JAW, ALABAMA (ABSNN) -- Fred Fortineer, Adjudant of the Sons of the American Legion Post 1950, in Hog Jaw, Alabama led a group of 14 pick up trucks filled with young men eager to fight it out with the Hog Jaw, Arkansas Boy Scout Troop 2. A blood...

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Hog Jaw, Arkansas Closes Its Borders To All "Cans," "'Specially Obama, That African!"

Funny story: Hog Jaw, Arkansas Closes Its Borders To All "Cans," "'Specially Obama, That African!"

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Hog Jaw, Arkansas;, now the most talked about small town in the U.S., has closed its borders to "cans," namely "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaycans, Cubicans, Moslemcans, Presbytericans, and Unitaricans," says Phlem Lunger, Pr...

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Riots erupt during anger management class in Hog Jaw--12 hospitalized

Funny story: Riots erupt during anger management class in Hog Jaw--12 hospitalized

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Twelve Hog Jaw residents were hospitalized this evening after a riot broke out in Reverend Jimmy Braggart's court ordered Anger Management Class at the Possum Snout High School Auditorium. Reverend Braggart, the modera...

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Hog Jaw resident loses balls in reenactment accident

Funny story: Hog Jaw resident loses balls in reenactment accident

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- A "misunderstanding about what balls to shoot out of a replica cannon" led to a Hog Jaw Civil War Reenactor's castration, Monday, during the 150th Anniversary Celebration of the Civil War in Arkansas. General Jubal Ear...

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Hog Jaw to Help Homeless with World Hog Calling Championship

Funny story: Hog Jaw to Help Homeless with World Hog Calling Championship

HOG JAW, ARKANAS (ABSNN) -- Hee Haw Heavyweight, Junior Samples, will be the Master of Ceremonies at this years World Championship of Hog Callers to be held during Hog Jaw Festival Days this coming Labor Day weekend. Junior is a favorite among the h...

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Hogjaw, Arkansas extends invitation to Sex Party to Manchester City

Funny story: Hogjaw, Arkansas extends invitation to Sex Party to Manchester City

HOGJAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Francois Cardinal Dubois, S.J. famed RC prelate, and the banjo player from the movie "Deliverance," has been chosen Grand Marshall of the 150th Anniversary Parade through Hogjaw, Arkansa, formerly Tallapoosa, Georgia. The...

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New Frog Law Allows Short People to Shoot Big Criminals!

Funny story: New Frog Law Allows Short People to Shoot Big Criminals!

PARIS (ABSNN) - A new French law has ended the reign of big, big city cops, and now all gendarmes must be no taller than 1.60 meters, whatever a friggin meter is. Like all armed Frenchmen who go in harm's way, the midget cops will undoubtedly drop t...

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Cardinal's Book claims God has no dick!

Funny story: Cardinal's Book claims God has no dick!

COVENANT OF THE QUEER, WV (ABSNN) - Controversy is swelling within a tiny West Virginia hamlet named, oddly enough, Hamlet, over a new best selling, non-fiction book by the ever controversial author, Francois Cardinal Dubois, S.J. entitled "God has n...

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Political Shocker - John McCain to wed Taylor Swift!

Funny story: Political Shocker - John McCain to wed Taylor Swift!

WASHINGTON DC (ABSNN) -- In a shocker of a press release, Seantor John McCain (R) AZ, revealed today that he and country music songbird Taylor Swift will marry this coming October, just prior to the Arizona election that will determine if McCain will...

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Breaking news…

Putin Hacked The Emmys

NBC, ABC, and CBS all claim that Russian President Putin hacked the Emmy Award computers, to explain how unknown, barely-viewed shows on Netflix and HBO could win so many awards.
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