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Funny story: Salmond Will "Batter" MPs

Salmond Will "Batter" MPs

AS the debate on the Scottish referendum kicks off in earnest, SNP leader Alec "Fishy" Salmond has issued a stark warning to the Westminster government: "I'll batter those stuck up Tory English c***s!" In a speech to party faithful at the 300-Year...
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Funny story: Fife Council to "Resettle" Troubled Population

Fife Council to "Resettle" Troubled Population

In a move to dramatically reduce spending and make savings of almost £50k, Executives at Fife Council are considering plans to "Resettle in the East Neuk" inhabitants of some of Fife's most notorious streets and housing estates. "This will reduce...
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Funny story: Cameron "Best Head We Ever Had" Say Old Etonians

Cameron "Best Head We Ever Had" Say Old Etonians

David Cameron may be on the eve of his greatest triumph or worst disaster, but come what may there is no doubt in the minds of his former schoolmates that he was the best Head Boy they ever had. Lord Scopolamine of Bahookie recalls the Tory hopef...
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Funny story: Cake King Mr Kipling Dies

Cake King Mr Kipling Dies

Bakewell, Hampshire - The Kipling family announced today that Lionel Kipling, father to a nation of obese diabetics, died peacefully at home on Wednesday. He was 79. Although Mr Kipling was greatly admired by a cake-munching public, he had not in...
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Funny story: Scientists Find Mechanism for Patronisation

Scientists Find Mechanism for Patronisation

Scientists at the Kodos Institute in Argentina, South America, have discovered a genetic mechanism for patronisation. Genes are curled up little things inside your cells, which tell your body how to make itself. You get them from your mother and...
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Funny story: Science Proves Texting While Driving Dangerous

Science Proves Texting While Driving Dangerous

Science has triumphed again. The University of Life in Utah has published a study which details why texting (sending SMS messages on a cellular phone) while driving an automobile is dangerous. "Forward lateral control is markedly reduced," said P...
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Funny story: Blair "Didn't Need Electorate"

Blair "Didn't Need Electorate"

Tony Blair today expanded on his astounding claim that he would have found a way to gain the mandate to invade Iraq without the dossier on weapons of mass destruction. He explained that in fact a UN resolution was not required, that the UK Parliament...
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Funny story: Physicists "Had Enough of Quantum Physics"

Physicists "Had Enough of Quantum Physics"

Despite the excitement being generated in some quarters by the Large Hadron Collider, the Internationaler Symposion Von Quantum Physic which took place in nearby Geneva this week declared in a statement to the press "Bugger quantum theory. Bugger it.
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Funny story: UK Scientists Give Fly False Memories, Ulcer

UK Scientists Give Fly False Memories, Ulcer

Oxford, England: In a breakthrough for neuroscience, scientists at the Costalot Coffee Oxford University have given a fly false memories using a laser. The work was announced by Professor Vissarion Meerschaum. His team had spent painstaking month...
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Funny story: "Fat Four" In Racial Murder Threat

"Fat Four" In Racial Murder Threat

Birmingham, England - Four teenage boys have appeared in the High Court in London charged with incitement to racial hatred, conspiracy to commit murder, and offenses under the Prevention of Terrorism Act. The case has been brought by prosecutors afte...
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Funny story: Dame Vera Lynn In Rehab

Dame Vera Lynn In Rehab

London, Yesterday. World War II forces sweetheart and, at 92, the oldest person to reach number one in the UK album chart, Dame Vera Lynn, has been admitted to the Prior E Clinic, citing exhaustion. Her Agent, Max Hergestellt, has admitted that s...
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Funny story: Do We Need The Bloody Helicopters Or Not?

Do We Need The Bloody Helicopters Or Not?

London, England - In response to allegations from David Cameron and other opposition figures, the government has clarified the situations regarding helicopters in Afghanistan and the threat to pregnant women from the swine flu pandemic. "We have...
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Funny story: God Breaks Pope's Wrist For "Impure Act"

God Breaks Pope's Wrist For "Impure Act"

Vatican City, Vatican - The Pope, infallible head of the Catholic Church, has been punished by God for committing an "Impure Act" by having his wrist miraculously broken. Although the impure act has not been described, it seems that the wrist in ques...
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Funny story: DIY Murder Toll Rises

DIY Murder Toll Rises

Edinburgh, Scotland and/or UK - Store staff at IKEHYA in Edinburgh were shocked to discover another murder victim yesterday, the third in the store in as many months. The 32-year-old man had been beaten, kicked and bitten, attacked with DIY tools, an...
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Funny story: Police: Prescott Tapped Calls "Nauseating"

Police: Prescott Tapped Calls "Nauseating"

London, England - Police have described the tapping of the mobile phones of John Prescott, former New Labour Deputy, by News International Journalists as "Nauseating. Against all moral laws." Thousands of phones belonging to politicians, entertainers...
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Funny story: Fury As Thomas The Tank Engine Goes to War

Fury As Thomas The Tank Engine Goes to War

Furious parents are marching on Westminster today to protest the perceived "Militarisation" of children's television, and the "Theft of innocence." Since MPs voted to introduce the under-five's curriculum, current affairs will be making an appeara...
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Funny story: New MI6 C In "Filthy" Internet Pictures

New MI6 C In "Filthy" Internet Pictures

London, Rooters - The new head of MI6, Sir John Sawyers, has been immersed in further scandal as it emerged his wife has posted pictures of the couple taking part in "unusual sexual activity" on internet social web picture talk dirty site Vicebook.
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Funny story: Michael Jackson Stuck Inside Ten Year Old Boy

Michael Jackson Stuck Inside Ten Year Old Boy

Los Angeles, CA - Michael Jackson has narrowly avoided death this week thanks to an experimental surgical procedure, a source at the ULCA Hospital has revealed. Rushed to hospital after a suspected cardiac arrest, singer Jackson was offered a treatme...
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Breaking News...

Justin Bieber and North Korean Leader On Same Fantasy Basketball Site

Pop star Justin Bieber and North Korean despot Kim Jong Un are both on the same fantasy basketball website, battling it out in cyberspace over the comic collection Kim says Justin ripped him off on.

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