Today Mr Colin Snell, a former librarian, was released from Prison where he had been serving life for the brutal murder of two American hitch-hikers on the Yorkshire moors in the 1980's.
Mr Snell apparently became a werewolf after drinking contam...
Fundamentalist group Christian Voice today announced that they planned to boycott Heaven by drinking sherry on a Sunday and going to Hell instead.
The groups leader, level headed lunatic Stephen Green told reporters that: 'Christian Voice was rece...
Christiano Ronaldo told reporters tonight that he was hoping he would score a goal in the Man United game against Barcelona despite his self-professed hatred of football.
"That's the aim of the game" he told us whilst smearing baby oil into his t...
Jade Goody is still dead it has been revealed. Some fans were hoping for a resurrection in time for the summer bestsellers list but so far there have been no sightings.
Her PR man Max Clifford said: "There is a big Goode shaped hole in all our he...
Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams was trying to halt rumours today that the secret of eternal life had been discovered nesting in his enormous wad of face fuzz by his local GP during a regular check up.
"This allegation is ludicrous" he warb...
Michael Jackson today announced that he would definitely cancel his forthcoming tour unless everyone in Britain agreed to stop calling him mad.
The 44 year old musician told press this afternoon that: "It hurts. It really does. Yes, I'm a little...
Today leading Acupuncture therapist 'Dr' Tanya Brainstorm denounced the government for allowing 'un-spiritually tested' treatments such as medicine and surgery to be available on the NHS.
"This is a terrible situation and really is a sign of the t...
Anglical vicar Rv Ian Slamchild talked yerterday about how he lost his faith after eating a dodgy curry but found his faith returning two months later after eating a spicy curry pot noodle.
"It's a miracle! Nothing less than a miracle!" He told r...
In an attempt to cut down on alcohol fuelled violence the government revealed its latest plan to move pubs into police stations so as to cut out the fuss of travelling to make arrests.
Drinkers will be handcuffed upon entry and made to sit in loc...
Homely Scottish Spinster Singing sensation Susan Boyle is today looking forward to competing in the Britain's Got Talent finals tonight.
The 48 year old told reporters that she is going to be performing a medley of Elvis songs in tribute to her h...
The British National Party last night stated that it was waging a war on 'the growing menace of fact based politics in Britian.'
BNP Spokesman Quentin Parker sent out a press release stating that "in the BNP we have noticed the gradual erosion of...
43 year old hospital blood collector Helen 'lust bucket' Digby was today thinking of resigning from her job after being told by hospital bosses that she could not wear a crucifix round her neck due to 'fear of infection.'
Mrs Digby told this repo...
Gordon Brown let it be known last night that he may well call a November Election after being called upon by Labour and Conservative party members to set out a firm date.
Mr Brown has had a stressful week in Parliament and the Expenses scandal may...
A top scientist last night told government medical advisors that swine flu is still prevalent in the UK and that ordinary citizens are all at risk before adding 'but it's about as dangerous as cardboard.'
'Daily Mail' journalist Stanley Blackbott...
A cabinet minister was looking for help online last night after becoming embroiled in the expenses scandal. Mr Clarence Hopkins, a labour MP, asked the followers of his Twitter account to come up with an excuse which might sway the general public in...
Several people were shocked recently to discover that British National Party spokesman Mussolini Evans was invited to a Buckingham Palace garden party as the guest of someone important whose name escapes me.
At the garden party he will literally...