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Funny story: United Healthcare to buy Philip Morris

United Healthcare to buy Philip Morris

MINNETONKA, MN - UnitedHealth Group, Inc. President and CEO, Stephen J. Hemsley announced today that UnitedHealth Group will purchase Philip Morris USA Inc., an Altria company for $674,986,685,999,324.67. "UnitedHealth Group is the largest healthc...
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Funny story: Surgeon General Demands Disclosure From Tobacco Companies

Surgeon General Demands Disclosure From Tobacco Companies

The Surgeon General has demanded that tobacco companies must now place all of the ingredients that are put in cigarettes onto the individual boxes that the cigarettes come in. This comes after pressure from the US Firefighters Association, when it...
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Funny story: Herman Cain Promises To Make Memories For America Fresh and Produce and Smokey

Herman Cain Promises To Make Memories For America Fresh and Produce and Smokey

GEORGIA - It's been one week since the last GOP debate embarrassed Americans politically with the choice of its GOP candidates. It's been less than twenty-four hours that Herman Cain and team decided to do something about it. The Cain team has co...
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Funny story: Sandra Bullock Has Confessed To Being A Closet "Snuff Dipper" AKA "Tobacco Chewer"

Sandra Bullock Has Confessed To Being A Closet "Snuff Dipper" AKA "Tobacco Chewer"

HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that Sandra Bullock appears to have taken up a habit that can only be described as downright disgusting. According to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Missy Wonderbox, the Oscar winning actress has admitted...
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Funny story: New embarrassment for ATF

New embarrassment for ATF

Washington DC - New revelations drawing fresh criticism of the Federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives are emerging in the wake of the "Fast and  Furious" AKA "Operation Gunrunner" saga.  As we have learned, Operation Gunrunner w...
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Funny story: Pipe Smoking Enjoys Massive Popular Revival

Pipe Smoking Enjoys Massive Popular Revival

Nobody seems quite sure why, but the old English tradition of reinforcing a stiff upper lip with a pipe stem seems to be undergoing a spectacularly fashionable revival. Some experts believe that with the advent of the internet, and satellite telev...
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Funny story: Life Sentences: Maritime Memories

Life Sentences: Maritime Memories

Waking once more, he took a swig of grog from the hollowed-out skull of the ship's chaplain. He gurned like an ill-tempered bulldog in the ferocious sunlight and stared at the cork life-jacket lying at my feet. Scratching his chin with the rusty hook that served as his left hand, he turned his one good eye to me. "Have a gorilla", he rasped. But I had to decline. "No thanks", I was forced to...
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Funny story: Good News: President Obama Has Quit Smoking - Bad News: He's Taken Up Chewing Tobacco

Good News: President Obama Has Quit Smoking - Bad News: He's Taken Up Chewing Tobacco

WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has told the White House Press Corps that President Obama, after months and months of trying has finally kicked the cigarette habit. The members of the media erupted in a thunderous applaus...
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Funny story: Bhutan Monk Arrested

Bhutan Monk Arrested

A Buddhist Monk in Bhutan has been arrested for smuggling tobacco into the country. Tobacco based products have been illegal in Bhutan since 2005. Jigm Dorji, a state sponsored Buddhist Monk was found with two kilos of tobacco and was arrested for po...
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Funny story: Tobacco Companies Seek Military Contracts to Increase Sales

Tobacco Companies Seek Military Contracts to Increase Sales

With expectations for decreases in overall sales in part due to new cigarette packaging with graphic lung pictures, tobacco companies are pitching a new line of products to the U.S. military to shore up those losses. Demonstrating a new line of sm...
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Funny story: Recycled Smokeless Tobacco

Recycled Smokeless Tobacco

My name is Tex Colten and I've been using smokeless (snuff, dip) tobacco for over ten years now and it's often occurred to me that the majority of the tobacco is being wasted. You take a pitch of the tobacco with your fingers and then place it between your cheek and gum, and then suck on it until all the favor is gone, then spit out the tobacco. What a waste, especially, since snuff tobacco is pri...
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Funny story: Tobacco Industry Rejoicing over latest medical advice

Tobacco Industry Rejoicing over latest medical advice

Smoking is good for you! It's official - The Department of Health has just released findings from a ten-year investigation into the dangers of smoking tobacco and has concluded that all the evidence points to the fact that it makes no difference whet...
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Funny story: Won't somebody think of the children?!

Won't somebody think of the children?!

According to a recent report from Plan International, thousands of children worldwide are working on tobacco farms and because of it are suffering from toxic levels of nicotine exposure. Handling tobacco leaves without gloves, the children can ab...
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Funny story: Supermarket Refuses To Sell Old Bloke Tobacco

Supermarket Refuses To Sell Old Bloke Tobacco

A leading supermarket's decision to refuse a sale of tobacco to a sixty-seven year old man, who walks with the aid of a zimmer frame has sparked controversy on an international basis. Jeffrey Fagg, 67, who can only walk with the assistance of a zi...
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Funny story: "ChemicalMcC" Supports Covert Operations in Iranian Lungs

"ChemicalMcC" Supports Covert Operations in Iranian Lungs

Repub candie John McCain has advanced a secret foreign policy initiative to spread cancer causing agents into the lungs of Iranians. Tar, nicotine and toxic chemical additives are being shipped to Iran in the guise of US produced cigarettes.
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Funny story: Radon Causes Tobacco Cancer not Nicotine

Radon Causes Tobacco Cancer not Nicotine

Saint Leo, Florida (IPP) - An independently wealthy Indian artifacts collector from Florida has stumbled onto a closely guarded corporate and government secret about the real cause of cancer as it relates to tobacco use.
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Funny story: California to Deport Cigarette Smokers

California to Deport Cigarette Smokers

Unable to effectively police its borders to keep out illegal immigrants, and facing popular backlash for trying to do so, the state of California announced today that it was turning its attention to a group that has no defenders and is easy to identi...
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Funny story: Merck and Philip Morris To Merge

Merck and Philip Morris To Merge

(Wilmington--DE) At a joint press conference today, pharmaceutical giant Merck and tobacco tower Philip Morris announced that they will merge. The union became destined when both companies realized that "our products kill people," said Merc...
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Breaking News...

Obama... Ordinary like us.

Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...

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