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6,815 Americans die on Black FridaySome 6,815 Americans died on Black Friday, which is the average daily number of deaths in the U.S. The difference: 6,754 of these deaths were blamed on crazy-ass shoppers trying to score a bargain.
Poutine Burns Turkey on Thanksgiving Day"When Americans burn a turkey on this day, it's because they have gotten into the wine while the bird was in the oven. I burned Turkey with napalm today because I was 'pissed' in a different sense."
SJW's Claim Black Friday to be a Racist HolidayCritics accuse big corporate marketing of stereotyping black people as being cheap. Why does it have to be Black? Why can't the Friday be called Cheap Friday? Or Sales Friday? Or Good Friday?
Jar Jar Binks to be in New Star Wars The Force AwakensLuke wasn't the only hero hidden from the trailer. JJ Abrams confirms Jar Jar was left out also. Rumors surfaced that Jar Jar will be cloned millions of times in what will be the 2nd Clone Wars.
Anvil Shortage in USAThe Acme Anvil Company of Bangor, Maine, just can't keep up with demand.
"Some guy in the middle of the Arizona badlands just keeps ordering more and more. I wish we knew what he's doing with them!"
Emperor Lolls While Musing on Next MoveEmperor Barack I reclines in the royal hot tub with Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice, as they dream about blaming the deadly ISIS attacks in Paris on a video.Meanwhile, handmaiden Kerry slathers oil on both.
Obama to put 50,000 boots on the ground to combat 26 US State GovernorsPresident Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he has authorized 25,000 troops to be deployed to 26 of the United States to enforce his decision to allow Syrian refugees to infiltrate the USA.
Jerry Bruckheimer Arrested After Shooting PilotJerome Leon ("Jerry") Bruckheimer was arrested today after the FBI discovered that he had shot a pilot.
Fishing for tiddlersThere may be plenty more fish in the sea, but following the Ashley Madison leak, far fewer people are willing to get their tackle out.
Obama Vows to 'Redouble' Islamic State Fight After ParisOpening two days of talks with world leaders in Turkey, Obama pledged to send an additional 50 troops to Syria, bringing the total US force to 100.
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