Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...
Washington - US Treasury officials are querying plans to twin the much dreaded 'fiscal cliff' with a notorious UK chalk headland formed during the last Cretinaceous Period.
Beachy Head on the Southern English coast is one of the world's most notor...
James Arthur died of depression yesterday despite having the most successful winner's single so far.James Arthur has recently seen his debut single 'Impossible' break a dozen of records such as 'most glum song of the year'.
In a poll conducted by...
Mel Greig and Michael Christian, the two DJs at the centre of the Kate Middleton prank-call controversy, have died in apparently unrelated accidents while undergoing surgery at the same hospital in Sydney.
Greig, 30, who had been admitted to St.Vi...
In a shocking Wikileaks disclosure, it was revealed late last night that President Obama, who the New York Times reported maintains a "kill list" of persons targeted for assassination, recently put himself on the kill list - by accident.
Or was it...
Eion Logon, 28, from Little Hambaconton travelled to Switzerland today to Switzerland to visit the Dignitas clinic. He had wanted to put a end to his life for some time but claims he just never found the time to do it. Mr Logon said:
"I get terrib...
In the wake of the massively over-hyped and under-specified iPhone 5, Apple Computers have announced that they will provide free therapy for all those consumers that have succumbed and bought one of the new devices.
"We're aware of the massive cru...
Reports of mass global suicides have been reaching Spoof HQ, but not because there are rumours going round that our beloved Cockney Clive has retired, no! The suicidal ones are Facebook users who were cut off from their lifelines.
Unable to tell t...
I was having a really bad day so I jumped off the ledge of the building I worked at and was making my way toward the ground when this pigeon comes flying up beside me, feverishly flapping his wings to keep up with my descent.
"Hey stupid?" The pigeon yelled out.
Surprised, I looked over at the rat with feathers and replied. "I didn't know pigeons could talk?"
"Yea, well it's not like we...
SAN DIEGO - Mediocre Spoof Magazine 'Spoof Ned' (a play on the phrase 'Spoon Fed') recently published a satirical article entitled 'With US Economy in Turmoil, Astronauts Decide to Stay in Space' by Edward James Henrickson. The article was met with r...
David Lindersnout, of Cedar Falls, Idaho, woke up yesterday from a 30 year coma.
Lindersnout had some friends and family in the area. Doctors were more baffled by the man's attitude after only a few hours of being awake.
Lindersnout was visited b...
Pennsylvania legislature voted unanimously Friday April 8th 2011 to provide Bovine subsidies to cattle farmers to help them comply with their ultra strict Pennsylvania Climate Change Act of July 2008. This subsidy will reimburse farmers $1,000 per a...
A young fisherman in Bolivia committed suicide in the most awesome distressing way yesterday. He took his trusty two man boat (the SS Clinically Depressed) out onto a stretch of river that was known locally as "Wie sobberus do solim goeous" which rou...
A sudden spate in suicides in Cardigan, Wales, has caused traffic chaos over the holiday period.
"We cannot identify a reason for these sudden suicides," said Cardigan police inspector John Barnaby. "It's not the first time there has been a suicid...
Father Christmas, the real one, has committed suicide by jumping off of the Forth Bridge a week before the annual binge takes place. He left a suicide note attached to his shiny black boots.
He also requested that the RSPCA take care of Rudolph a...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today launched an astonishing broadside directed at internet trolls - trolls being people who cause malevolent mischief and deliberately set out to provoke and upset others online - by saying that in extremis, such trollish activity could feasibly result in extreme consequences for the unfortunate recipient.
In a week which has featured a particularly tragic appar...
Tabloid journalists have been advised to seek help if they become depressed and experience feelings of worthlessness in the wake of the Gary Speed tragedy.
Scores of hardened hacks are reported to have succumbed to stress and resorted to heavy dr...
Depressed? Feeling a tad suicidal are we?
Never mind.
Doesn't bother me in the least.
But here are ten top really crap things to do if you feel like popping your own cork.
1 - Play Sinead O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares 2 U.'
You don't really want to listen to this. What you need to do is convince yourself that you're not really suicidal at all, and that life's great. Life's not really...