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Funny story: Police praise gangsters for their restraint as only 50 people stabbed at Notting Hill Carnival

Police praise gangsters for their restraint as only 50 people stabbed at Notting Hill Carnival

This year's Notting Hill Carnival passed uneventfully and police praised the public and gang members as reports came in that only 50 people were stabbed. A mere 75 people were arrested for drug-related offences and only 200 police officers were injur...
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Funny story: Horror: Man Maimed Over Last Rolo Snub

Horror: Man Maimed Over Last Rolo Snub

A Worcestershire man has been brutally stabbed in the leg with a fork, after eating his last Rolo, without offering it to his wife of eight years first. The chocolatey caramel treat has long been associated with the ways of love, with their taglin...
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Funny story: New Anti Stab Knife: Asbo yob heads off to EU Courts for breach of human rights

New Anti Stab Knife: Asbo yob heads off to EU Courts for breach of human rights

Liverpool: Repeat offender and current Asbo world champion, Martin 'Divvy' Derek of Croxteth, Liverpool today announced he planned to go to the European Court of Human Rights after using one of the revolutionary new Anti Stab knives. THINK SAFETY...
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Funny story: Son, Parents Try To Stab Police

Son, Parents Try To Stab Police

Anne Arundel County Police in Maryland said a man and his parents assaulted and tried to stab police officers when they responded to a report of the family arguing. Police said a 20-year-old son and his parents were arguing in a car around 11 a.m.
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Funny story: Stabbings at O2 Music Event

Stabbings at O2 Music Event

Three people were stabbed at the 'Urban Music' Awards at the O2 Arena yesterday in what police have described as 'an unsurprising knife related event'. Usually there is strict security at the venue - even to the extent that when you visit the cine...
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Funny story: Spork Stabbings on Rise in London

Spork Stabbings on Rise in London

London - Mayor Boris Johnson is outraged at the increase in spork stabbings in London. "Spork stabbings are now up to one or two a day. While most incidents have resulted in multiple skin indentations it is only a matter of time before one of these a...
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Funny story: Knifed teen was not 'life and soul of the party' or 'loved by everyone'

Knifed teen was not 'life and soul of the party' or 'loved by everyone'

In an unusual turn of events, it was revealed that Dean Fenton, 17, of Peckham, who was stabbed to death last night in an apparent dispute outside a KFC, was not 'the life and soul of the party', 'loved by all who met him' or indeed &...
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Funny story: Teenager not stabbed in Harrogate - leaders dismayed

Teenager not stabbed in Harrogate - leaders dismayed

The scene outside the "Spinal Taps" public house in Harrogate was chaotic last night as revellers spilled onto the street to find that a teenager had not been stabbed.
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Funny story: Preparing For Your Next Hospital Visit

Preparing For Your Next Hospital Visit

You know, I was recently reflecting on my last hospital stay. It began something like this: "OH MY GOD!!!! WHAT IS THAT STABBING PAIN IN MY CHEST!!! ACK! IT'S RUNNING DOWN MY ARM!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I had a heart attack; a goddamned myocardial infarction! It fuckin' HURT!...
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Breaking News...

Iron Man Booted Out of Avengers for Drunken Flying..Again!

Captain America and Hulk met the press to make the sad announcement that Iron Man was no longer a member of the Avengers due to his alcoholism. "He PROMISED it wouldn't happen again!" said the Hulk.

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