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Funny story: Class action against the Whitehouse™ filed as thousands of children blinded watching the eclipse, after followng Presidential example and looking at it without safety glasses

Class action against the Whitehouse™ filed as thousands of children blinded watching the eclipse, after followng Presidential example and looking at it without safety glasses

After the sterling example of Presidential leadership by doing what everyone had been saying not to do for weeks, thousands of children have looked at the eclipse and gone blind. Parents are outraged that despite the good educational work of scien...
View 'Class action against the Whitehouse™ filed as thousands of children blinded watching the eclipse, after followng Presidential example and looking at it without safety glasses'
Funny story: Accounting Firm Closed Permanently After Total Solar Eclipse

Accounting Firm Closed Permanently After Total Solar Eclipse

Columbia, SC - All of the employees of a local accounting firm filed for disability yesterday after attending a firm sponsored "total solar eclipse" reception. With all of the employees now on disability, the firm was forced to shut its doors.
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Funny story: Sex and the Total Solar Eclipse

Sex and the Total Solar Eclipse

In a study to be released on Tuesday, Aug. 22, and simultaneously published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, the Harvard Institute on Human Sexuality will report that children conceived during the maximum point in a total solar ecl...
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Funny story: What eclipse? "The Great Solar Eclipse Hoax of 2017"

What eclipse? "The Great Solar Eclipse Hoax of 2017"

In an interview today on Fox News, a spokesman for Eclipse Deniers charged that the highly touted solar eclipse set for Aug. 21 is nothing more than a scam hatched by a coalition of transportation, hotel, resort and food service interests. "Ther...
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Funny story: Poor Blackout of solar eclipse blamed for scuppered robbery

Poor Blackout of solar eclipse blamed for scuppered robbery

The O'Reilly Twins from Westerhailes in Edinburgh were caught red handed boarding a number 25 bus just two minutes after raiding the Sparkles Jewellery Emporium on Friday. Using the solar eclipse as cover, at approximately 9.30am, the bungling robber...
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Funny story: Scientists Blame Solar Eclipses on Global Climate Change

Scientists Blame Solar Eclipses on Global Climate Change

WASHINGTON, DC - USGS Chief Scientist, Jack MeHoff, released a study today that concludes that the increasing number of solar eclipses is due to Global Climate Change, caused by human activity. The report cites historical records dating back to th...
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Funny story: 'Solar Eclipse Is Warning To Germans' says bankrupt Greek boss

'Solar Eclipse Is Warning To Germans' says bankrupt Greek boss

London, UK - The CEO of a bankrupt EU outfit has predicted that Friday's solar eclipse is a Judgement Day Finger of Cod message for European hystery. Phil the Greek, aka the Duke of Edinburgh, blames reckless Germans for his terrible position desp...
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Funny story: Solar eclipse fears that Queen will sleepwalk into Windsor Castle moat this Friday

Solar eclipse fears that Queen will sleepwalk into Windsor Castle moat this Friday

London - Crown jewelers have welded night vision goggles to the Queen's tiara in case she flips out on Friday when the Big Light in the sky goes awol. A powerful solar eclipse will see much of the United Kingdom blacked out in the morning in fulfi...
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Funny story: Venus adds a touch of euthanasia to Thursday's somber solar eclipse

Venus adds a touch of euthanasia to Thursday's somber solar eclipse

The Cosmos - A trainwreck astrological alignment straddles the Cosmos this Thursday when the Sun, Moon and Venus all pile into Scorpio triggering a solar eclipse in the Zodiac's Sign of Death. Skywatchers liken the aspect to a morphine/cocaine hig...
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Funny story: Friday's 'Ring of Fire' solar eclipse will transit Pacific Ring of Fire seismic zone

Friday's 'Ring of Fire' solar eclipse will transit Pacific Ring of Fire seismic zone

Pacific Ocean - An annular eclipse in the Earth sign of Taurus will trace a path across the world's most volatile tectonic zone on Friday. Beginning around half-past midnight GMT the 'Ring of Fire' cakewalk will take in a notorious seismic quagmir...
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Funny story: Tuesday's solar eclipse to wreak havoc with New Yorkers' sperm motility

Tuesday's solar eclipse to wreak havoc with New Yorkers' sperm motility

New York - A Public Health notice posted on the corner of E.86th and 5th is warning the aspect occurs in the 'fixed' water sign of Scorpio that rules the gonads, oil and gas and various Middle Eastern tinpot dictatorships. Particularly affected a...
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Funny story: Solar eclipse snaffles up Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi

Solar eclipse snaffles up Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi

Libya - The man convicted of killing 270 in the 1988 bombing of a US jet has kicked the bucket at home in Tripoli just as the eclipsed Gemini new moon began manifesting in the cosmos. Stargazers have described his RIP as an astrology classic and a...
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Funny story: Millions of idiots expected to go blind Monday

Millions of idiots expected to go blind Monday

San Francisco CA - Scientists predict that millions of rebellious idiotic, rude, young adults will be blinded Monday. Dr. Smerve Leude of the Whackover Institute told reporters that the eclipse of the sun Monday would not be total. Damaging rays wo...
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Funny story: 'Mayan Calendar' crop circle or Aztec Roulette Wheel?

'Mayan Calendar' crop circle or Aztec Roulette Wheel?

London - Ufologists fighting for a share of the lucrative Gemini Solar Eclipse prediction market centered on Sunday night's occultation are having none of it, of course. They're siding with Mexican cereologist Jamie Maussan's claims that the 2004...
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Funny story: Crystal Harris astrologer says Friday's eclipse will see Charlene Wittstock 'dump Prince Albert at the altar'

Crystal Harris astrologer says Friday's eclipse will see Charlene Wittstock 'dump Prince Albert at the altar'

Monaco - The stargazer's advice is widely credited with being behind the knockout blow delivering Harris from 'dire' nuptials to octogenarian viagra guzzler Hugh Hefner. It saw delicious 25 year-old blond Playboy model Crystal jilt 85 year-old Hef...
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Funny story: July 1st solar eclipse will bring down Hong Kong astrologers warn Wen Jiabao

July 1st solar eclipse will bring down Hong Kong astrologers warn Wen Jiabao

London - Visiting Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao took the announcement 'on the chin' as British astrologers issued their warning at crunchtime today. The gung-ho PM has steadfastly stonewalled on years of Hellfire Club, Triad gangster and Pyongyang co...
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Funny story: No chance of 'Queen in solar eclipse cucumber sandwich shocker' Palace astrologers say

No chance of 'Queen in solar eclipse cucumber sandwich shocker' Palace astrologers say

London - There's a zero chance that Wednesday's apocalyptic eclipse will see the Queen drop dead from sudden-onset terminal flatulence, a Palace blogger posted today. "Yeah, it's much likelier to be cucumber sandwich poisoning," royal kitchens sou...
View 'No chance of 'Queen in solar eclipse cucumber sandwich shocker' Palace astrologers say'
Funny story: California 'Summer Triangle' UFO warns of solar eclipse tremors

California 'Summer Triangle' UFO warns of solar eclipse tremors

Oakland, Ca - A California UFO may be trying to make contact to warn about a predicted massive earthquake around June 1st's Gemini solar eclipse. The three-pronged aerial light formation, mimicking the geometry of the Summer Triangle asterism, has...
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