New York - A Public Health notice posted on the corner of E.86th and 5th is warning the aspect occurs in the 'fixed' water sign of Scorpio that rules the gonads, oil and gas and various Middle Eastern tinpot dictatorships.
Particularly affected a...
Libya - The man convicted of killing 270 in the 1988 bombing of a US jet has kicked the bucket at home in Tripoli just as the eclipsed Gemini new moon began manifesting in the cosmos.
Stargazers have described his RIP as an astrology classic and a...
San Francisco CA - Scientists predict that millions of rebellious idiotic, rude, young adults will be blinded Sunday. Dr. Smerve Leude of the Whackover Institute told reporters that the eclipse of the sun Sunday would not be total. Damaging rays wo...
London - Ufologists fighting for a share of the lucrative Gemini Solar Eclipse prediction market centered on Sunday night's occultation are having none of it, of course.
They're siding with Mexican cereologist Jamie Maussan's claims that the 2004...
Monaco - The stargazer's advice is widely credited with being behind the knockout blow delivering Harris from 'dire' nuptials to octogenarian viagra guzzler Hugh Hefner.
It saw delicious 25 year-old blond Playboy model Crystal jilt 85 year-old Hef...
London - Visiting Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao took the announcement 'on the chin' as British astrologers issued their warning at crunchtime today.
The gung-ho PM has steadfastly stonewalled on years of Hellfire Club, Triad gangster and Pyongyang co...
London - There's a zero chance that Wednesday's apocalyptic eclipse will see the Queen drop dead from sudden-onset terminal flatulence, a Palace blogger posted today.
"Yeah, it's much likelier to be cucumber sandwich poisoning," royal kitchens sou...
Oakland, Ca - A California UFO may be trying to make contact to warn about a predicted massive earthquake around June 1st's Gemini solar eclipse.
The three-pronged aerial light formation, mimicking the geometry of the Summer Triangle asterism, has...
Reykjavik - "As seismological blow jobs go this one's the biggie," astrologers are warning about Wednesday's occultation.
"Think 'Vesuvius' plus 10,000 years' worth of seismic celibacy!"
A dozen Icelandic volcanoes may be affected as the eclips...
New York - (Supernova News): A Bull Run message from the Gods?
World financial markets are on a knife edge ahead of Tuesday's stunning Capricorn solar eclipse.
The phenomenon is empowered by the kind of unprecedented, non-Clintonian comeback ki...
Windsor - (Petit Mal News): It's a sudden death penalty shootout kinda solar eclipse this weekend.
And the news from Our Man in the Curfew Tower is that the Grim Reaper is poised to score the ultimate karmic Golden Goal.
Already we've had seari...
Doomsayers the world over will be looking to the heavens on July 11 as one of the first seriously meaningful harbingers of the really, really, really awful things to come within the next two years leading up to the Apocalypse.
The event is a tota...
Space - (Rattlesnake News): Terrible karmic portents for Twilight/Eclipse stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!
A rare occultation by the asteroid Roma on the night of 8th July will completely obliterate sight of Delta Ophiuchi, fourth-br...
Philadelphia PA-- An unexpected eclipse panicked millions of East Coast residents last evening. The terror spread to the Midwest and then the West Coast as the full power of the celestial event was unleashed. Grown men wept in the streets as it becam...
Corpus Christi, Texas (IPP) - The upcoming eclipse of February 20th clearly signals the end of times according to both religious and scientific sources.
London - (Ass Mess): Tuesday's 9/11 Grim Reaper eclipsed new moon is a dire omen for the Bush Administration's collusion with the organised crime cartels that have got off scot-free for World Trade Center atrocity of 2001.
London - (Cosmic Press): Lo, the skies have long foretold what the Ancient Ones always held dear.