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Obama's private emails encrypted in Jamaican Patois

Funny story: Obama's private emails encrypted in Jamaican Patois

Washington DC - The White House says most of President Obama's private emails to Hillary Clinton were returned unopened because the former US Secretary of Snakes couldn't handle Jamaican Patois. The Creole-related Caribbean tongue-encrypted presi...

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Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Funny story: Cockneys tell more porkies than Scousers and Taffies

Cockneys tell more lies than Scousers or Taffies, according to a local survey. The Londoners score an average of seven porkies a day, with Scousers achieving five and the hapless Taffies managing only four little fibs. Both the Cockneys polled...

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Fatima Whitbread tipped to win willy waving contest

Funny story: Fatima Whitbread tipped to win willy waving contest

Fatima Whitbread is being tipped to win I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here by an Australian bookie. "The Aborigine is the only fair dinkum bloke left in the programme since the scouser Freddie Starr chucked a sickie", claimed Crocodile Ocker.

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Neil Warnock's teeth

Funny story: Neil Warnock's teeth

QPR fans are chewing over the formation of their manager's new teeth. "Sir Neil's Hampsteads don't seem to fit, he looks like Dick Emery's vicar" proclaimed lifelong QPR fan Ginger Vitis, a dental hygienist from East Acton. Warnock guided his...

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'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang

Funny story: 'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang

Scotland Yard reports that Bo-le of Glue thousand people 'ad been nicked - and more than Ca and Calf or 1,135 'ad been charged for riotin'. Of those charged, over 700 're guilty of speakin' Cockney Matheson Lang. Scotland Yard 'as also organized...

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Harry Redknapp's vocabulary looted in Tottenham riots

Funny story: Harry Redknapp's vocabulary looted in Tottenham riots

Harry Redknapp's vocabulary has been looted and left for brown bread by tea leaves during the Tottenham riots. "The toe rags have half inched all my favourite words" said a down in the north and south 'Arry. Bundles of expressions, a collecti...

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Top Judge gives Cockney 'life' for small willy joke.

Funny story: Top Judge gives Cockney 'life' for small willy joke.

A petty crook has been sent to prison for life after belittling a Judge's manhood. Willy Scrote, of Hampton Wick, had originally received a "modest fine" for exposing himself in front of the Royal Box at Ascot on Ladies' Day. The jurors were to...

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One ended mobile call Overheard!

Funny story: One ended mobile call Overheard!

This morning, our Spoof reporter, Inchcock Chambers, was doing his laundry at this local launderette (the police has fininshed the break-in investigation, and the windows have been boarded up), and overheard the following from a young lady in the shop. He thought perhaps someone could work out what the conversation actually applied to, and inform him please? The young lady answered the incom...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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