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Parisian porno downs tools because of Sex-Doll brothel!

Funny story: Parisian porno downs tools because of Sex-Doll brothel!

A Parisian sex doll brothel is causing an outrage in the dark world of "Tossers United" because Parisian porno stars are refusing to perform unless their plastic competitors are removed from the seedy sex underground world in the 'city of love!'...

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Giant US toy retailer buys up Chinese sex toy stock to avoid bankruptcy!

Funny story: Giant US toy retailer buys up Chinese sex toy stock to avoid bankruptcy!

It seems the retail toy world is in turmoil after a giant toy retailer announced it was bankrupt in the US and Canada and cannot compete with internet rivals that swim up the Amazon and Target other Wally Martyrs! So, after hearing that China has...

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Man divorces his sex doll because it chatters too much!

Funny story: Man divorces his sex doll because it chatters too much!

A US sex toy developer who designed the first talking sex robot has had to take back a prototype because during sex with a client, it chattered non-stop! A Californian male (they're all sex mad and nutters) purchased the prototype after divorcing...

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Sexbots Replace Human Sex Workers

Funny story: Sexbots Replace Human Sex Workers

A campaign has been launched by the 'Alliance of Human Escorts and Sex Workers' for a ban on robots designed for sexual pleasure. 'Non-humans have made the hard work of flesh and blood sex workers look far too easy', said Union spokesman Tommy Tal...

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IS snuff movie paraphernalia ads spam Saudi Justice Ministry website

Funny story: IS snuff movie paraphernalia ads spam Saudi Justice Ministry website

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - Hundreds of pop-up ads for sex torture instruments have plastered the website promoting Jihadis' favorite snuff movie props. The array of decapitation, amputation and flogging must-haves appeared as Islamic State fanatics re...

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Wendy 'Strap-On' Davis Gets a Hard-On For Dildo Sales in Texas

AUSTIN, TX - As the race for governor in the great state of Texas inches closer to a climax on November 4, Wendy Davis claims frontrunner Greg Abbott is waging a war on dildos. Davis thrust the subject into the pubic, er, public spotlight this we...

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New Zealand Prime Minister Drops French Tickler in Favor of Merkin

Funny story: New Zealand Prime Minister Drops French Tickler in Favor of Merkin

New Zealand Prime Minister John Key announced today that he intends to adopt "a full frontal position", and sport a merkin. On the heels of the Scottish bid for independence, and riding the wave of referendum, Key sees changing the national flag...

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Thefts reveal retail giant's plans to sell "adults-only items"

Funny story: Thefts reveal retail giant's plans to sell "adults-only items"

BUG TUSSLE, AK -- Despite its treatment of its employees, many of whom receive minimum wages and no health or other benefits, Mallwart has the reputation, whether deserved or not, of being a "family-friendly" retailer. However, in the wake of rece...

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Airports fast track security for sex toys

Funny story: Airports fast track security for sex toys

Airports in the UK and US are now having to install express lanes for exhibitionists who pack adult toys in their hand luggage in the hope that they will be asked to 'prove they turn on'. Security staff are exasperated at the number of passengers...

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Judge Used "Tingler" Under Robe During Trial

A judge in Wisconsin has repeated the performance of the "Penis Pumper" Judge of a few years ago. Although Judge Larry Witherspoon denies the charges, the device fell out of his robes as everyone stood for him to leave for the day. Several atto...

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Local man Developes The Green Weenie

Funny story: Local man Developes The Green Weenie

A local man, Claude Davis of Sevierville, Tennessee says he knew he had to get to the doctors in a hurry when he woke up with a green weenie this morning! "Maude come her quick!" "I was getting us some breakfast!" "Look here. I done got the green weenie. It'll fall off and what will we do?" "Oh, let me take a look-see, It was doing real fine last night. It does look green and kinda wri...

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Grandson Finds Sex Toys In The Attic

Funny story: Grandson Finds Sex Toys In The Attic

Here's a tip from an Old Time reporter: Get rid of any old sex toys or this might happen to you. Martha and I were saying goodbye to our grandson who was headed off to college when he came downstairs from the attic where he was looking for his luc...

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Lady Gaga Talks About The Sex Toy Rumors

Funny story: Lady Gaga Talks About The Sex Toy Rumors

BROOKLYN - Lady Gaga says that she can hardly wait to get back on the touring circuit and show the world that she is a much better performer than Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Jennifer Lopez. Lady Gaga, who is recovering from a vocal cor...

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Wisconsin Votes To Prohibit Sex Toys

Funny story: Wisconsin Votes To Prohibit Sex Toys

MADISON, Wisconsin - The state known as The Cheese State has just announced that it has just acted on a petition that has been signed by tens of thousands of Wisconsinites. State Senator Bindy Gladys Fogmund, [R-Milwaukee] noted that a vast majori...

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Naked, desperate husband searches for batteries as vibrator loses it's vibrations!

Funny story: Naked, desperate husband searches for batteries as vibrator loses it's vibrations!

After 30 years of maritial bliss a couple in Dunfermline, Scotland, decided to spice up their lives by buying a vibrator for the wife because the man was entering his hit and miss phase and she too. They ordered the huge thing over the internet wi...

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British tourist arrested for theft of penis pump from Dallas sex shop

Funny story: British tourist arrested for theft of penis pump from Dallas sex shop

DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD. "We got a ph...

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Nightsticks vs Vibrators: NYPD Cracks Down on Dildo Dealers

Funny story: Nightsticks vs Vibrators: NYPD Cracks Down on Dildo Dealers

New York - A mixed squad of undercover and uniformed police has broken up "a sex ring" that was attempting to distribute "vibrating devices" in "broad daylight" at locations in Rockefeller Center and the Meatpacking District. The disrupted giveawa...

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Adding Up the Tab for Speaker Bercow's 'Dirty Weekend' Leaves Taxpayers Holding his Baggage!

Funny story: Adding Up the Tab for Speaker Bercow's 'Dirty Weekend' Leaves Taxpayers Holding his Baggage!

Financial expense questions continue as it can be revealed that Commons Speaker John Bercow spent hundreds of pounds rushing to a tryst with wife "Long Tall Sally' in her ill timed and ill fated efforts to appear on Big Brother! Speaker Berco...

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