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Funny story: Airports fast track security for sex toys

Airports fast track security for sex toys

Airports in the UK and US are now having to install express lanes for exhibitionists who pack adult toys in their hand luggage in the hope that they will be asked to 'prove they turn on'. Security staff are exasperated at the number of passengers...
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Funny story: Judge Used "Tingler" Under Robe During Trial

Judge Used "Tingler" Under Robe During Trial

A judge in Wisconsin has repeated the performance of the "Penis Pumper" Judge of a few years ago. Although Judge Larry Witherspoon denies the charges, the device fell out of his robes as everyone stood for him to leave for the day. Several atto...
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Funny story: Local man Developes The Green Weenie

Local man Developes The Green Weenie

A local man, Claude Davis of Sevierville, Tennessee says he knew he had to get to the doctors in a hurry when he woke up with a green weenie this morning! "Maude come her quick!" "I was getting us some breakfast!" "Look here. I done got the green weenie. It'll fall off and what will we do?" "Oh, let me take a look-see, It was doing real fine last night. It does look green and kinda wri...
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Funny story: Grandson Finds Sex Toys In The Attic

Grandson Finds Sex Toys In The Attic

Here's a tip from an Old Time reporter: Get rid of any old sex toys or this might happen to you. Martha and I were saying goodbye to our grandson who was headed off to college when he came downstairs from the attic where he was looking for his luc...
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Funny story: Lady Gaga Talks About The Sex Toy Rumors

Lady Gaga Talks About The Sex Toy Rumors

BROOKLYN - Lady Gaga says that she can hardly wait to get back on the touring circuit and show the world that she is a much better performer than Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Jennifer Lopez. Lady Gaga, who is recovering from a vocal cor...
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Funny story: Wisconsin Votes To Prohibit Sex Toys

Wisconsin Votes To Prohibit Sex Toys

MADISON, Wisconsin - The state known as The Cheese State has just announced that it has just acted on a petition that has been signed by tens of thousands of Wisconsinites. State Senator Bindy Gladys Fogmund, [R-Milwaukee] noted that a vast majori...
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Funny story: Naked, desperate husband searches for batteries as vibrator loses it's vibrations!

Naked, desperate husband searches for batteries as vibrator loses it's vibrations!

After 30 years of maritial bliss a couple in Dunfermline, Scotland, decided to spice up their lives by buying a vibrator for the wife because the man was entering his hit and miss phase and she too. They ordered the huge thing over the internet wi...
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Funny story: British tourist arrested for theft of penis pump from Dallas sex shop

British tourist arrested for theft of penis pump from Dallas sex shop

DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD. "We got a ph...
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Funny story: Nightsticks vs Vibrators: NYPD Cracks Down on Dildo Dealers

Nightsticks vs Vibrators: NYPD Cracks Down on Dildo Dealers

New York - A mixed squad of undercover and uniformed police has broken up "a sex ring" that was attempting to distribute "vibrating devices" in "broad daylight" at locations in Rockefeller Center and the Meatpacking District. The disrupted giveawa...
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Funny story: Adding Up the Tab for Speaker Bercow's 'Dirty Weekend' Leaves Taxpayers Holding his Baggage!

Adding Up the Tab for Speaker Bercow's 'Dirty Weekend' Leaves Taxpayers Holding his Baggage!

Financial expense questions continue as it can be revealed that Commons Speaker John Bercow spent hundreds of pounds rushing to a tryst with wife "Long Tall Sally' in her ill timed and ill fated efforts to appear on Big Brother! Speaker Berco...
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Funny story: Woman Feels that her Vibrator no Longer Has any Vibration for Her

Woman Feels that her Vibrator no Longer Has any Vibration for Her

These are sad days for Ellen Bridgeport. She feels that her once beloved vibrator, who she affectionately named Bruno, no longer has the same sexual energy that he once did at the height of their relationship. "It's just so frustrating", exclaimed an exasperated Bridgeport. "Things are just not the same between me and Bruno. I mean, this has been going on for a while now! "I can remember...
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Funny story: Jordan to launch own sex-toy brand

Jordan to launch own sex-toy brand

Jordan, aka Katie Price, has already marketed her own clothing brand but the 'Sex-Goddess' (her own assessment) is to go one further by launching Jordan Sex Toys. She told this reporter, "Well, since everyone's already seen me in action on most go...
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Funny story: EU Plans Assault on Autoerotic Asphyxia, Plans Ban on Plastic Bags in UK; Practitioners Flee to Thailand to Hang Around!

EU Plans Assault on Autoerotic Asphyxia, Plans Ban on Plastic Bags in UK; Practitioners Flee to Thailand to Hang Around!

In a sweeping plan to ban plastic bags which have left Brits Breathless, the European Union is taking the first step to shut down deviate sex practices which they say affect the Health & Safety of the British Public. Plastic bags , since inven...
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Funny story: Slow Cooked Foraged Food

Slow Cooked Foraged Food

Following the success of recently published series of Recipe and Vegipe books specially written for the slow cooker enthusiast, the latest edition turns it's metaphorical hand to a more 'natural', if not necessarily organic, collection of meals. Fungi in Buttercup Butter Originally meant to be Mushrooms in Garlic Butter, this recipe is much easier if any old type of mushroom or toadstool is...
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Funny story: China Recalls "Deep Blue" Vibrators After Over 1,000 Shocking Stories

China Recalls "Deep Blue" Vibrators After Over 1,000 Shocking Stories

"I thought I was going to die", stated one lady as part of a collective lawsuit. "Of course, it was great for awhile but suddenly I was jerking like Joe Cocker singing "Cry Me A River!" "I heard Edith in the darkened bedroom while I was watching t...
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Funny story: Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

Fruit and Vegetable sex toys

A recent survey carried out by Girl Play magazine has revealed a liking of fruit and vegetables as sex toys among sexually active and adventurous women. "The most popular vegetable was the carrot," said magazine editor, Andrea Fuller. "Women repor...
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Funny story: The Aishwarya Rai Inflatable Doll Has Just Become The Biggest Selling Inflatable Doll of All-Time

The Aishwarya Rai Inflatable Doll Has Just Become The Biggest Selling Inflatable Doll of All-Time

CHICAGO - America's largest toy manufacturer the Hasbroken Toy Company has just announced that due to the recent Christmas sales the Aishwarya Rai Inflatable Doll has just surpassed the Cheryl Cole Inflatable Doll in sales. Spokesperson for the ma...
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Funny story: Sex Toy Manufacturer Used Justin Bieber Image Illegally

Sex Toy Manufacturer Used Justin Bieber Image Illegally

Sex Toy manufacturing company, Clitcock Ltd of Braintree, Essex, were today fined £10,000 by magistrates in the town for illegally using the image of the 16 year old Canadian singing sensation's image on their products. HM Customs and Excise also...
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Ferguson Police to Lay Off 3 Black Officers

Ferguson Police say that their experiment to hire black police officers to stem the violence in the predominantly black city has failed. They will lay off all black officers and not hire any more.

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