Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...
Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country's multibillion euro debt crisis.
"No, this is not...
Washington, DC -- The upside of the government's sequester initiative is a $1.2 trillion reduction in the deficit. The downside is that the blunt force action will produce many unanticipated cuts and changes that will adversely affect every American.
As the Triple Dip recession bites deeper, and the population at large has even less money to spend on unnecessary items, such as clothes and food, charity shops are starting to feel the pinch previously only felt by first hand shops, such as River Pe...
Washington DC - Forget about trillion dollar coins. A request by President Obama for new ways to pay off the national debt has prompted an avalanche of better scams and more sophisticated innovations designed to rescue America from bankruptcy.
In...
With the economy in the state that it is in, the rising cost of weddings has become something that many men are deciding against tying the knot.
"It costs several thousand quid," said Harry Balls, a mathematics lecturer from Sheffield University,...
Keystone, South Dakota - The Mount Rushmore National Memorial was severely damaged last night by a missile fired by a US military drone. The attack apparently was commissioned by Congress in what is now being called "a clerical error."
"Our bad,"...
Sparks and Mensa, the High Street store that the intelligentsia know and love has announced lower pre-tax profits than at this point last year.
"Our pre-tax profits are down by just over ten percent," said accountant, Ben Counter, who has shown be...
In an effort to combat the ongoing recession, the Chinese government is currently attempting to place a monetary value on life based on earning potential. Preliminary reports have been released with estimates of how much they have determined people t...
Industry spectators are heralding the end of the current economic recession due to a startling discovery made in the vaults of the prestigious Union Bank in Switzerland; namely, bonds, stocks, gold bullion and cash currencies to the value of CHF 6 tr...
Washington, DC -- In an historic first, the Devil has declined to throw his support behind either candidate for US President, declaring that both contenders "are hell-bent on creating chaos without any help from me."
"That makes it impossible to c...
The contract for building another runway in London has been won by budget airline Queasy Jet. They have decided that Altrincham, some two hundred miles away near Manchester, is the perfect location.
"On the scale of things," said Queasy Jet chairm...
Washington DC - Your money isn't good here anymore. A new ruling by the Federal Reserve prohibits Americans from "owning, possessing or utilizing" money, in any shape or form, under the threat of life imprisonment.
The prohibition is at the heart...
According to a startling new discovery by a joint co-operative research team consisting of economists and scientists from both MIT and the London School of Economics, the current recession was in fact caused by an incensed and indignant supreme, omni...
Madrid - The Starbucks Corporation has injected a shot of caffeine into the world's financial system, taking over Spain's devastated banking system so it can replace bank branches with Starbucks outlets.
"Banks are not cool," said Dylan Prather, E...
New York City - The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the "too dumb to fall" provisions of the Barney Frank Act.
Implementing a s...
Start a new war to refocus attention off the bad state of national affairs and to bolster arm sales and allow corporate 'service' interests to leech money off the taxpayers to 'support' the military effort.
Start a 'Threat To Be Terrified Of ' of the week campaign
Do workers a 'favor' by allowing them to work three jobs to survive.
Fence off of Washington D.C. to anyone without connection...
Leading economic indicators show the U.S. economy growing stronger, influencing the recovery of world markets and bolstering consumer confidence. Non durable goods distributors report record sales on "feel good" items like bubble gum and condoms.